And when it rains, it pours. Or so I hear.
They say that the downpour should start soon, at least this is what the weatherman says.
We are supposed to expect high winds and heavy rains, which is fine for today.
No really, this is fine with me.
My apartment is dim with the exception of the early morning light through the blinds on the window and other than the glow from the computer screen on my face, I have my lava lamp beside my computer.
Otherwise, the lighting is one that matches a day with a gray sky. I am here in my so-called room, which is in my small apartment where I reside now, which is fine. Yes, I have done my best to make this little place comforting as well as be welcoming, specifically for you.
This is my living room. This is my little space in the world and for the moment, I am writing to you with a hint of soft music in the background.
I have an L-shaped couch with a coffee table and an area rug. I have my certificates on the wall to remember what I’ve accomplished.
I have some candles mounted on candle holders around the room because candle light is a great way to calm the soul.
I have a few mood lights which can change color. I use them to offer a relaxing affect which is something I appreciate now. I have a salt lamp, which I am told helps the spirit. To be honest, whether the lamps helps or not, I figure the gentle orange light is pretty enough so, why not?
My bedroom is a decent size and my bed is soft and comfortable. The bed is only a queen, which means it is small too, but then again, I think my bed is the perfect size. Besides, the company I’d want to share my bed with is someone who I’d want to be closest to and not furthest away – no pillow walls nor anything between us, but skin. Just body on body, legs and arms, intertwined and cuddled throughout the night or longer.
I do not have much. I have a small kitchen where I allow myself to cook different meals.
And I have to say it . . .
this is why I do not mind the storm that’s on its way.
I have told you this before and I am here to repeat myself again –
Food is love.
What better way is there to share your love with someone?
What better way is there to share a connection that values our nutrition and nurtures our spirit?
Food . . .
Now, to be clear – I am definitely a foodie.
A foodie is a person with a special interest in food. No, I am not a gourmet nor am I a chef.
I suppose one could argue that I am more of a basic cook than an actual cook.
But I could argue that my aim is not to be a chef.
That’s not my goal for today.
Instead and despite all that happens around us – I am a person who appreciates the value of a good home cooked meal.
I appreciate the time and the attention it takes to prepare the ingredients. I appreciate the love that goes into making this and whether I am feeding myself or you or anyone else for that matter – the last thing I want is to lack zest or flavor.
That’s not how I want to live my life.
Food is love. And love, well, love is the most flavorful thing we could ever imagine.
So, this is why I add spice.
In fact, a therapist once told me that preparing a meal is something that bonds people together. I was told that since food is nurturing and since the operation and the preparation takes time and attention, I was told that an action like this is something that can bring people together.
So, let me bring us together. One meal at a time.
If you don’t mind, please let me walk you through today’s plan of events.
Before I go forward, I have to explain that I have changed the focus on my nutrition. I am a person who has lost weight. I’ve gained weight back. And I lost weight again.
However, currently I am in the best physical shape of my life.
I am maintaining a healthy weight. I am exercising and going to the gym, which is still very new to me. I am not an exercise guru nor am I a person who loves the gym. But, I have managed to face my anxious fears about gyms or working out around others.
At the same time, I am a firm believer in action. I am a believer in the need to replace thoughts with action. So, as my situation has changed and since my life has altered over the last few months – I find myself here with you now, opening up to a different world and living in a new life.
I admit that this is different and uncomfortable at times. I can offer that this is scary sometimes and often, I find myself worried because it’s hard to see the brightness in my upcoming future.
However, I have hopes. I have dreams. I have a version of my new life in my mind, which I have been told that manifestation is the best way to make dreams come to life.
So, I’ve been doing that. I want to see myself the way I choose. I want to defy the obstacles in my mind or the inaccurate concepts that come with depressive thinking.
I am here to manifest a new life.
I am here to create and build and to offer this place because there’s a storm on the way. While this is not much, at least I can say come in and let me offer you some shelter from the storm.
Aside from some cleaning and some organizing after my return from the gym, I have a few dishes to make.
This is for us.
No one else, so I trust that you will keep this between us as I go on.
I can’t just go sharing these recipes with just anyone.
Then they’ll know my secret.
Now –
I am a person who appreciates spice and flavor.
I have been known to enjoy hot and spicy foods.
This is simply a preference so, take this as it comes and as I open up to you about the way I plan to spend my rainy Sunday, I am offering this to you as a means to bring you here.
I want you to be here with me, so that neither of us are alone.
As I prepare the following meals for the upcoming week, a piece of you will be here with me.
I hope that’s okay with you. I hope you don’t mind.
it’s humbling for me to reach you this way – somewhat raw too and though I find solace, I also find relief in the ability to build or create something satiable for the stomach as well as the heart.
My kitchen is small, however, you can sit on the stool near the little counter which I call a breakfast nook.
I say this just to be cool – but in all fairness, my kitchen is modest and very small. But, it’s not bad at all. Besides, I like the idea of cooking. I like the idea of you being here, watching as I prepare a meal for us both.
Today’s meals are going to go in a new direction.
I will venture away from the slow-cooker stews and heavy meals and come up with something different.
First –
I have some filets which I am going to slice and salt and pepper. I am going to put some oil in the pan and be sure to make this nice and hot. I’ll add a scoop of salted butter and then I’ll sauté some yellow onions and add some minced garlic. I’ll offer a splash of lime juice and a fair suggestion of some red wine.
Next, I’ll sauté the slices of steak to get a nice little sear. I’ll be sure to pat them dry first before sending them into the pan. I’m told this helps the sear and locks in the flavor.
I have some stir fry vegetables which will go in shortly after.
I can add a little beef broth too, but not much.
Just a little because I don’t want the dish to be too soupy or brothy.
I think this will go nicely with some soy sauce and maybe a little hoisin sauce mixed together.
I have some malt (or Malta) that I can add to the mix to give the mixture some flavoring – and once the vegetables are soft and slices of filet mignon have accepted the seasoning, I think this will go nicely enough to pack in my containers. Of course, I’ll have to try some of this first.
But after, I’ll pack this up because this way, we can have a nice lunch at work tomorrow.
Second –
I have some chicken tenderloins which I plan to slice. I am going to use some oil for the pan and get that nice and hot once more. I’ll add some lemon juice.
Black pepper. White wine.
And yes, I have some vegetables that will go with this as well which I plan to have dripping with the buttery white wine sauce and garlic.
I like flavor.
Flavor is important.
I say this is true with food as well as our life.
I like some heat, too, which is also important. Hence, this is why I have a small bed – to keep the heat within.
With regards to the chicken tenderloins, this is why I am going to add some white pepper to the mix – and maybe some red pepper flakes.
I’ll slice the tenderloins up into fair sized chunks to keep them meaty.
I’ll oil the pan. I’ll be sure to add enough butter and lemon juice.
Of course, I have to offer some chopped garlic before I invite the white wine and yes, there will have to be some capers in the pan as well.
I think that I will sauté this for a while and once the chicken starts to take on that nice, white color, I’ll add the broccoli, the brussels sprouts, and the carrots which are all chopped up with some cabbage.
Either way, I can offer this to go on top of a bed of rice, which I have just in case I make that decision. But again, this is another meal to help us get through the week.
Third –
I have vegetable slaw.
This is fun and easy too.
Once more, I will oil the pan. I’ll sauté some onions. I’ll toss in some minced garlic. I’m going to take out my ground chicken which is going to go in with the white wine too.
I’ll stir this in the pan with my wooden spoon – and then I’ll allow the ground chicken to cook.
Next, I will get my vegetable slaw nice and ready. Once this goes in and cooks for a bit, I’m going to add my sesame ginger dressing. But l like the heat so, next – here comes the hotness.
I add some ghost pepper sauce, which is not for the beginner at all – but then again, you and I are far from beginners.
This is a quick meal but it’s hearty and flavorful. And that’s how I want to be too (for you)
hearty and flavorful . . .
It is a different life for me now. I am alone yet the last thing I want to feel is lonesome or lonely.
This is why I am offering a description of what my day will look like.
I want to do this in a way that brings you in and keeps you closer to me.
Yes, in answer to the question – I will have music playing in the background.
Yes, I will sing out of key.
I will sing out loud.
I will light the candles to add to the mood.
I will taste everything I make because if I am to love you, then I will have to love you the right way and to the best of my ability.
This means I have to go all the way.
This means I can’t skip on the flavors.
Even when I make an attempt at tuna salad, which I did, and I made two bowls if I’m being honest – the first was a test run and the second was to perfect my craft – but either way, I plan to add zest and flavor to everything I do in my life from this point onward.
To be clear, I’m not “just” making you a tuna salad.
I’m flavoring an example of our brand new life.
What I am doing is more than meal preparation.
However, with regards to the tuna salad, I opened the tuna for you.
I drained the can. I put the solid white tuna in a bowl with capers and some salt and pepper. I threw in some lemon juice. I put in some mayo. Red onions too. Some chopped celery. I added some chopped Italian parsley and some fresh dill. And for the record – I tried a new little trick with some chopped apple, which added a nice flavor – but I’m not sure if I’ve perfected this or not.
But trust me – I will!
Food is love and I have a lot of love for you.
I have a lot of love to give.
I have all my heart and from now on, and for the rest of my life, I will never take another moment of love for granted.
No one should ever worry if they will die alone.
No one should have to face their life with the fate of loneliness or the flavor of lonesomeness on their tongue.
As for me, I will close this entry with this in mind.
I have made my way up to this point which is exactly why I am planning these meals. I am doing this because first, this allows me to stay busy.
Secondly, this allows me to nurture my heart (and yours) with a good meal. And lastly, this allows me a sense of peace from within because while I understand my environment and as I make my way through the current and local challenges of a rainy day with nothing else to do – my aim is to build a bridge. I want to build a bridge of peace that helps you to feel comfortable and safe – and one that brings you home to me.
Having said this and since I have prepared a place for you, I have prepared a meal as well, and a spot to sit, a place to eat, and as I look to manifest this as my new reality (albeit humble), I have a roof that’s sturdy enough where I can say come in. I have a shelter from the storm.
All else is beyond me.
Therefore, let me do what’s within me.
This way you’ll know
I love you
Always
The Written Addiction 