It is warm for this time of year. December, I mean.
Perhaps this side of purgatory is expecting a mild winter. But who knows?
The idols we cherish have all but sworn off their poisons and to this day, I still can’t understand the how’s or why’s of life as it stands before me. However, I am fully aware that it has taken me 18,723 days to get to where I am. Nothing is so accidental anymore, at least not really.
I am often baffled at what I see, which is not to say that things are so different anymore. No, perhaps I am baffled at how things change and still remain the same.
I am just like you or anyone else is when we think about how long it has been since we were young or wild or free. It’s been a while.
Or no.
It’s been a minute (or two) since the days when it was acceptable to be crazy.
How long has it been exactly?
Safe to say it’s been years since the days when I didn’t care about consequences or anything of the sort.
But that was then, as they say. And this right here . . .
This is now.
The world is turning around and round.
Days are piling up, one after another. As I report this to you, I find that my thoughts are swirling around.
Once more, I am caught up in the nostalgia machine.
I have found myself here before and as usual, I can say that I’ve played the “Could’ve, Would’ve, Should’ve” game way too often.
But this is of no help.
It was almost yesterday – or so it seemed. Youth was free enough to be forgetful of things that were seemingly unimportant. We could put things off for another day.
Right?
Youth was enough to deny things that needed our attention, which we may or may not have circled back on occasion. Or we might have done what we had to do to honor these things.
But age is a trip . . .
You find that age removed your right to be irresponsible. But youth is a great excuse to say “hey, I didn’t know” or “what’s the difference?”
You could always say, “I can get to that tomorrow” until tomorrow comes and we wake up like, “oh, wait, I supposed to do that?”
Youth –
We were free because when you’re young, there are no worries about tomorrow. There’s nothing so pressing or so important. It’s all just a trip. It’s a ride on the parkway.
It’s a chase for the next best thing.
Anything else that does not coincide with the measure of a good time can always be put off until tomorrow because ideas like this are always a given.
There will always be another tomorrow. There will always be another chance, or another shot, or another moment to spin once more around the sun.
That’s what happens when you’re young.
There will always be another night at The Limelight or another time to dance at The Tunnel. Or what about Webster Hall? Or Emerald City?
Remember those places?
There will always be something new to pop up in place of anything that was old or gone away.
There will always be something fresh or updated – and there will never be another time like the day of our youth. Since this is so, we might never have another moment to stamp our initials in the ground, as if to claim our rights to this so-called castle we call New York City.
But we played it until the dawn.
We beat the morning and we saw the sun come up.
I swear –
It was almost yesterday when the only priority was to cast away all of our inhibitions. The only plan was to be wild, be free, or to be sure to explore and experiment, to walk in the rain, to laugh or sing or dance as if no one was watching – and even if someone is or was watching – what would that matter?
Who would care?
Who could steal away this rebellion of ours?
No one, that’s who.
Who could take away our right to defy the odds or the world?
Who could explain or rationalize the way we did our jobs?
What about the bosses we fooled when we’d come up with excuses as to why we had to disappear for a while?
Or if we call out sick or sneak away with some wild or lust-filled idea of being crazy – or possibly being caught. Remember this?
We had no regard for the rules or the rights and wrongs of anything else but us.
We were the priority back then.
Remember?
I quote this line from a movie that made sense to me when I was a kid –
“Being bad feels pretty good.”
I get that.
The line still makes sense to me now.
I am not so old that I have forgotten these things.
I am not so mild to say that I cannot remember the thrill of being crazy or the rush that happens when it comes to being out of my head.
To say that youth is wasted on the young is an understatement to say the least.
However, I am not so old. I have not forgotten.
I still have my whereabouts and the mind within.
I admit that although times have changed and my list of responsibilities has grown from back when all I had to do is figure out how to pay my rent – either way, I am still and will always be a prince in this town.
I am royalty and so are you, Princess.
Whether this is self-proclaimed or otherwise, I am still that young man who loves the sight of Downtown. I am still that youngster within.
I am still hungry, thirsty and crazy.
I still have the need to run and sing and dance, just as much, if not more now than ever before; and while my age is supposed to reflect a sense of maturity and responsibility – I am still and will always be that crazy kid from within.
I don’t care who watches or who sees or who says what to who anymore.
It’s been too long. It’s been years.
Decades have flown by and yes, it has taken me 51 years and 96 days, which includes 12 leap days or 51 years, 13 weeks and 5 days to get me to where I am right now.
That’s a long time . . .
I have to ask this –
Did you ever see one of those maps at theme parks or the ones inside of a huge shopping malls – and there’s that dot that says, “You are here” and did you ever notice that this is your location in relation to where everything else is?
Well . . .
That’s what this is.
This is what I am trying to tell you.
You are here.
What do you want to see?
If you could hit a button and change the scene automatically, what would you make this look like?
Would this make you happy?
Would your life be better this way?
There is a new era about to come.
So much is on the horizon that I don’t have the room or the page length to explain what’s on the rise.
But trust me when I say this is all very real.
And yes, there will be new chapters and new stories and new places which will essentially take the place of old things that have either aged or faded or disappeared from the face of this earth.
Of course, I write this to you, wholeheartedly. With that in mind, I will heartily approach this new beginning with different levels of anticipation, excitement and not to mention the basic, run-of-the-mill fears or concerns of what comes next.
Now that age has offered the realization that time is actually limited and our plethora of tomorrows have dwindled down to an limited few – I have the wherewithal to understand that as fleeting as this moment is, life is short, time is precious – and you, ah, you are far more valuable to me and more worthy than you think.
You –
You are the main character.
You are the climax, the plot, the hero and the villain.
You are the comic relief and yes, you are the star.
You are all of this and more.
I wonder though –
If this were your script and you were the director of the next scene, what would take place?
Who would exit and who would take center stage?
Who would make this a thriller?
Who would encapsulate the audience in your mind and lastly, who would make this a starstruck event for you?
What would be the seasoning to flavor this next chapter in your life?
What would you like to see next?
Where would this take place?
If you could make this happen right now – where would this be?
Someplace warm, I’d suspect.
By a beach, maybe?
If youth is wasted on the young then let’s be young at heart and old enough to realize that we should take advantage.
We should say to hell with the bogus rules and the bullshit distractions.
They have done nothing else but divert our progress. And I swear, all of this is what trips the feet of our best intentions.
This derails our dreams; and aside from all the pitfalls, the dead-ends, the moments that we wished could go back or re-litigate the past – what would you like to see in your next chapter?
Instead of thinking what you would like to run away from, what would you like to run towards?
And make it snappy, will you?
The meter’s running. . .
(By the way . . . That’s a taxi thing, which only us City folks might understand. I’m sure those who exist outside of the gates of NYC might not get the relevance. But hey – I’m not here for them. Right?)
Now, let’s get back to that picture . . .
Let’s get back to this film we call “Life.”
When thinking about where you are, would you want to stay in this lane?
Or would you prefer to go back to a time when it was safe to be wild?
Would you prefer a place where it was perfectly acceptable to lose your mind at an on-going basis?
I would . . .
I see no reason why age and maturity should steal the right to be young.
Nothing has the right to stop us from celebrating or the right or to “jump-up-and-down!”
I see no reason why we should allow this.
We cannot stand for the common thefts of services that take us away from our true self nor do I see any reason for us to forget and forfeit our youthfulness.
We can’t fade away like this simply because someone out there told us to “grow up!”
Fuck that!
I have grown up.
I’ve been an adult for a long time and, to be honest, I think I’d rather go back to my youth.
I’d like to add my youth to my age and tell myself that “now is a good time to go crazy!!”
As in, right now!
And I see it this way too.
I see this because now that I have the ability to give myself permission to be crazy or to experience life as I choose – no one can stop me from being the way I want to be.
No one can take this away from me.
No one at all.
Should the opportunity arise that I find myself in a place where the lights are bright and the music is loud, I promise that I will dance and sing along.
I will sweat and I will grind, and yes, we can stay out late and dare the dawn once more, like we did when we were younger.
Nostalgia . . .
This is the sentimental rewind button.
Well?
What if we didn’t have to look back for things like this?
What if we were able to find our inner fountain of youth?
What if just like that, we were free to run around?
We could play better, stronger, longer and faster and, of course, what if we found a way to do this longer and harder?
I say that now that we have the benefit of experience, we can do this better than we did when we were young.
Take for example . . .
making love, let’s say.
There’s no need to rush. Time is fleeting, right?
So if time is moving fast, then let me take my time with this.
Let me allow this to be my best memory because if time is moving too quickly and the world keeps spinning regardless of what we ask for, then let me stretch this moment as far as possible.
Better yet, let me make this moments count.
And after . . .
We can jump up and down.
We can take a walk down memory lane.
We can head over to Greenwich to see if we can top our last adventure or maybe take a trip to that place near Chimayo.
Or how about that island off the coast of Cab del Sur called Espiritu Santo?
Or hell, I’d be fine with a walk down Houston Street, Downtown.
(I’ll take what I can get . . )
My point is this:
We don’t have to grow old anymore.
No, we can make new memories that surpass our old ones.
We can blow them away, by far.
To keep us young
To keep us wild
To keep love alive
and of course –
to make our dreams come true.
The Written Addiction 