Of course there are things that we wish would never change. There are times and moments that we wish we could relive or rewind, just so we could see them again, exactly as they were. Perfect, just like the first time.
The lights would be equally bright. The moment could be magnified and as for myself, well, I could slip back into a moment of excess. I could peel back the moment to a place where life was kind and the moment was sweet.
It would be that simple.
Of course, if it were up to me, our dreams would never die.
If it were up to me, our compassion would grow to an insurmountable level and yes, if it were up to me, then it would be up to me to decide whether the juice is worth the squeeze, or so they say.
If it is mine to have then please, let me have this life which I have been dreaming about.
If it is mine, then please let me find this thing which we call peace.
Let me submit or surrender to the things that are otherwise unchangeable. Thus, if it is mine to have and if it is true that all is within our reach, then let me reach for this.
Let me hold this and know each and every stitch of fabric, every feel, every detail, and let me understand every moment or the look on everyone’s face because, if this is truly mine, then allow me the chance to understand what is actually mine. Allow me a moment to internally understand the pride of ownership which I can hold each and everything that I care for, or built. I say this because if I can hold this, then I can claim this as my own and, therefore, no one can destroy what I have built.
No one can take this away from me. No person on this earth could ever destroy me or my creations nor could they take away my achievements or successes.
No one could even take away my failures because if these are mine to have, then this is mine to have.
I go to this entry and see this in more of a pastoral sense, to which I tell you that inner peace can only come from within.
I explain it this way because all of our outside disturbances are simply distractions and true – our life is only as real as we all want it to be.
I want to find my place in the sun. I want to let go of the apprehension or the anticipation or worry about the next, worst thing.
I want to settle down and allow myself a moment to find that inner softness.
I want to build this.
I want to live in that ease or that place, that sense or that greater level of awareness.
I want to master this, like a special discipline.
I want to be at a place where I am fine and comfortable in my personal understanding or me, which means no one can say or tell me anything about myself that I am unaware of.
And, no one can say anything about me that is threatening or that I am not comfortable enough to declare for myself.
I see this as a means of freedom.
That’s what peace is –
Freedom from anxiety.
Freedom from the depressive thoughts or ideas which turn against you and lead you towards the worries of yet another downfall or an impending doom.
Just to breathe.
Just to say ah, and then exhale or sigh, as if to sigh as a sign of relief.
No more thoughts that betray us.
No more scenarios that we conjure in our imagination and, somehow, we become fixated and replay these ideas that do nothing else but hurt our own feelings.
To let go.
To surrender all of our heaviness or to relieve ourselves from the weight on our backs, our shoulders, or like the hot breath of an unwanted predator who breathes down our neck – to be rid of this.
To be rid of the angst and the turmoil. To be free from the bondage of our own miscalculations and free from the internal slavery of the constant overthinking and the worries of imposter syndrome and yes – to be free from this as well as free from our own oppressive judgment. And more, to be free would mean for us to be free from the enslavement of our own persecution, as if to be released by the warden, which is us, and free from the prison of the mind and yes, in the span of light beneath the face of daybreak – to be free from any sort of personal imprisonment –
this is the way to find peace.
I want to live this way.
I want to find my place in this world and sit down, cross-legged on the floor.
Like a child would do, amazed as ever.
I want to look around without any hesitation or worry.
I want to watch the sun lift into the sky and find myself in the grand audience and not worry if I missed anything.
I want to watch the sky turn into a symphony of color, as if to describe the sunrise as the symphony. As each color shed from the new morning sun, these are the chords which are strummed by the harps of angels above.
I want this.
I want to revisit moments where I felt as close to heaven as possible.
I want to relive the moments that I wished would never end – or better yet, I want to rewind and relive the most special moments of my life.
I want this to be my focus because so long as I am focused on this perfection; or as long as I am focused on the beauty of something as sensational, – then truly, all is well and all else is unimportant
So, if this is my focus, then this is my focus and therefore, nothing in the world could possibly be ugly.
Not now nor ever again.
If it is true that we are what we think, and if it were true that our focus and our mindset can lead us to either the promised land, otherwise astray, then allow me to adjust my focus now.
Let me focus on the greatness of a moment that made me pure or better.
Allow me the chance to picture and relive a time that was so remarkable.
I know that the world is imperfect.
And so are we.
I know that times can be ugly –
But I beseech you.
I ask you with all of my heart – pull back the blinds we call our eyelids and open your eyes long enough to see that the world is a beautiful place.
While there are ugly things around – they are far less noticeable and far less important than the most beautiful things that we take for granted.
Come to think of it
I met a man who was homeless.
He went from owning a business and a big home to losing his house, his family and his money.
What are you going to do, I asked.
Build it back, he said.
Each and every piece of it.
Of course, life is often complicated and there are unforeseeable things that happen.
Life can come at us, and fast, and from out of nowhere.
There are changes that we wished would never take place and breakups that we wished never happened.
Life can be rebuilt at any given moment.
Anything can be rebuilt.
Nothing has the right to stop us.
Nothing has the right to rob us of our internal spirit and therefore, no one has the right to steal our inner-peace.
I suppose this is why we need to claim it first. Our peace, I mean.
This is why we need our special moments of introspection.
This way, we can rebuild our focus, we can reflect, we can adjust our sights and next, we can adapt to the world around us.
We can do this without allowing ourselves to be drawn into the shallows of self-induced insanity.
And as for insanity, I suppose it is safe to ask:
Am I crazy?
Sure.
I’m crazy enough to see my losses and rather than weep, I suppose I’ll take a page from someone else’s playbook and rebuild my life.
(And us)
Rather than look for the turmoil –
Find your best version of peace.
Seek and find what needs to be had
Picture it.
Make it so
And yes, if you lost something or its gone, broken or destroyed –
Then there’s only one thing we can do
Build it back . . .
Brick by brick
The Written Addiction 