It is important to say this.
We have to find a way to make it through . . .
I offer this because not everyone is having the time of their life right now.
I say this, too, because there will be bouts and times and moments with no peace.
No justice or warmth for the hands.
It is safe to say that while we find ourselves amidst the worst of times, it is too hard to see the skyline or find the heavens or, at minimum, there are times in life when it’s hard enough to breathe let alone take a minute to walk away or just regroup.
But we have to.
We have to find a way, by any means; however, in the spirit of our best interest, we cannot go for the quick fix or the easy way out. In fairness, these ideas are too fast to be permanent. Often, the end results of instant gratification are short-lived and frequently detrimental to our greater self.
If this is intended to be instrumental as a way to find peace when there is none, then it only pays to be honest about the battles we find because in the mix and under the weight, we tend to forget the tiny victories and take them for granted.
It’s true.
We are incredible creatures.
We are a species like no other.
No one else in the world can see through your eyes or feel what we feel. Maybe this might sound like a lonesome idea or if we struggle with the idea of being “enough” as in good enough, perhaps this might sound as if there is this huge or tragic difference between us. But rest assured, there is nothing tragic about you.
There are issues and challenges. There is crisis and chaos and yes, there are tough times. No, I see no reason to act as if life is always roses and pretty mornings. The truth is life is hard and another truth is life can seem impossible at times. So, we have to find a method or a vehicle or some kind of way to build a bridge for peace.
If it were true that quick fixes were always the answer then yes, there would be a pill for everything. There probably is but the withdrawals are a bitch. So are the chemical dependencies.
But I get it . . .
We just want to feel better. We want to be out of the trees so at least we can see the forest.
We want the light at the end of the tunnel because the unknown is worse than the withdrawals.
Either way, both are a bitch and an angry one at that!
We cannot live in constant fear. We cannot live in an ongoing sense of anxiety. Think of it this way: no engine can survive at full throttle all the time.
No machine can last this way and neither can we.
Please trust when I say that I know all about the quick fixes and the temporary stays of execution.
I know all about the different ways to placate the upcoming and unfortunate problems or how to push off the inevitable and yes, I know what heartbreak is. I know what dread feels like or the ongoing feelings which come with thoughts of impending doom.
That’s a bitch too.
I know this on a personal level. So do you and so does everyone else.
This is life, which means that no one gets out alive. No one walks away without a scratch. We all hurt and we all need shelter. We all need warmth and we all need comfort. But in all fairness, there are times when the pain is too much. There is no shelter or comfort and there are times when life can be pretty damned frigid, let alone cold.
I see no reason to deny a challenge or a problem or to deny the obstacles that we have to face.
Fuck’em.
They’re real and they’re right in front of us.
I see no reason to pretend or lie about this or act like the problems are not there.
They are there – all of them.
Every obstacle, every fear, every unseeable scar, every time we flinch because we’re afraid to be hit by something (like the openhanded insult called “life” when it slaps you in the face) and no, this is not sad nor is this troubled nor is this a stream of conscious complaints.
No.
This is called honesty.
However, for some reason, we live in a world where people will tell you, “Don’t talk like that,” when you’re honest about what you think or feel.
I say to hell with that.
Let’s talk. You want honesty?
You want to “be real?”
I’ll give you real . . .
It is January and the calendar says that our world has swung around the sun for 2024 years, which we all know is only a fraction of how long the world has been around.
But people are self-centered, so it’s hard for us to think or realize that there is life around us and life takes place everywhere, not just within our minds.
It is a gray morning. The sun is above the clouds but we can’t see it.
The rain and snow have decided to mix. It is not a pretty day – at least not commercially.
But there is still something beautiful about it – look deeper and I will show you.
I have topics in my head to consider.
This is my life.
Perhaps you have subjects of your own to think about.
I have rejection and rejective ideas that seem to overwhelm my thinking.
This is what happens when I get stuck in my head.
I have a little place which I call my own.
It’s not much. I know that.
I have a stack of bills that need my attention.
I have a heart that is alone and unsettled yet – I have hope and dreams that constantly argue with my doubts, which make me deadlocked, and hopeful, alone and uncomfortable.
I have so-called failures that rise to the top of my mind and an imagination that has the ability to hurt my feelings – especially if I think too deeply.
I have regrets. I have an apartment to clean. I have garbage to get rid of and while I decided to start my day later than usual, I have to make my way to the gym and exercise.
I have meals to prepare for the week so that I can keep us fed.
One of the meals is pork stew. I’ve told you about this stew.
Remember?
Let me invite you in and show you. Sit back and watch, f you don’t mind.
I’ll have music playing in the background.
Picture this –
Me, cooking in my little kitchen and moving around.
This is how it starts . . .
One cup of red wine, two cups of apple juice, and some broth, a little bit of Worcestershire sauce.
That’ll do. I’ll thicken this up with some corn starch too, but, I work as I go so I can’t say the whens or wheres. I can only say that yeah, this is it.
I’ll cook up some onions and garlic and sear the cubes of pork to a nice brown. I’ll do the same to some mushrooms and some peeled baby carrots.
I do this in the same pan to keep the flavors. I’ll also do the same thing with some small potatoes – and then after all of this is mixed, the rest is up to my slow-cooker.
The good thing is this will allow my apartment to smell from the cloves of garlic, which I almost forgot to mention – but like I said, I go as I go . . .
I have some squash which I think I’ll add to the stew. Some cinnamon as well – and a little heat which means red pepper flakes and a touch of some hot sauce to allow for a little bit of a kick.
It’s not too hot.
But it is a pretty good stew.
Next –
I have some chopped meat which I use to make a dish called beef picadillo, which you know about. I know you know because I’ve made this before.
Several times.
I start with some chopped onions. I put that in the pan on medium heat.
I stir this around until the onions become clear or if I follow directions, which I never do, – I cook the onions until they becomes translucent, as the say.
I toss in some chopped garlic, which is by eye and according to my taste. I might even pour in a little garlic puree because garlic is a great flavor to me.
I brown the meat.
I add my scoop of tomato paste. And some sofrito sauce, adobo seasoning. Then I add my little cubes of potatoes which I have frozen from a hash brown mix.
I throw in capers and green olives. I season this to my liking, which is spicy – yes, and I’ll grant you that.
But meanwhile . . .
As I cook and clean and move through my day, I come to the realization that at least I moved.
At least I created an action to replace my thoughts.
Rather than sit in the sad tragedies or sift through my discomforts and fear and to keep me from replaying the sad scenarios in my head, which hurt my feelings – or instead of living in the problem and not the solution, which only allows me to feel sorry for myself or sad, or instead of losing a day to the snowy rain and rather than give in to a depressive mindset – I chose a path to nurture myself.
I chose to create something for us as an offering of my love.
Take it or leave it.
I created meals for the week – so, by the way, you know that we will never starve.
I cleaned up my humble little place.
While I might not have much, I know that I have enough in my heart to build myself back so that I can be better – or better yet, I know that while in the mix, times can be tough, but I did not go down nor fail nor quit or give in.
I might lose. I might not get what I want.
But I stood tall for one more day.
Alone or not. I am alive and building strength so that no matter how hard I’ll fall – at least, I’ll have what it takes to stand back up. This way, I can live (and love) another day.
There are times when there is no peace – so, let’s not pretend.
But that does not mean that we always have to be at war.
We have to find our way to make it through.
It’s raining today. But remember . . .
It can’t rain forever.
No machine can run at full speed forever either.
So, kick back for a minute
I’ll have some food ready in a few.
I hope you like it because in case you’re curious – The answer is yes.
I made this just for you.
The Written Addiction 