If we notice, everything comes down to us. There really is nothing else, at least not according to us.
There are other people in the world. There are other places too, such as places around the world with other people who speak other languages.
We all know this.
We all know that there is a great big world out there. At the same time, we are only limited to our own view.
We see what we see. We learn what we learn and we interpret information in our own special way.
I have incorporated an exercise with my presentations to help people see the way we learn, or understand and interpret information.
The exercise is helpful; however, the exercise is not mine at all.
In fact, this is an exercise that I picked up from one of the advocacy classes I took.
The exercise begins with a blank sheet of paper.
Very simple.
Step one:
Everyone closes their eyes for this exercise.
(Each step is to be taken with their eyes closed.)
Step two:
Everyone is instructed to fold the paper in half.
Step three:
Tear off the top, left hand corner of the paper
Step four:
Fold the paper in half again
Step five:
Tear off the bottom right hand corner of the paper.
Step six:
Fold the paper in half again:
Step seven:
Tear off the top right corner
Step eight:
Fold the paper one last time.
Step nine:
Tear off the bottom left corner of the paper
Step ten:
Open your eyes and unfold the page.
I have done this exercise in classrooms, boardrooms and in different presentations. Each time, the outcomes are always interesting to me.
Everyone in the room was given the same directions. We all had the same instructions yet as people hold up their paper for the others to see, we find that nearly all of the papers were ripped and looked differently from anyone else.
This means that everyone learns, understands and interprets information in their own way. We all move to the rhythm of our own understanding. And I say this with purpose.
I say this because when we talk about peace or when we talk about overcoming personal adversity; and in the bouts we have or the challenges we face, no one is exactly the same.
Similar maybe.
But no one is absolutely identical.
I say this with purpose as well.
I say this because we have been living in a world that is plagued with stigmas and shame-based thoughts or biases and trained narratives and assumptions.
We have been living in a world where shame has become a killer.
Literally, a killer.
Believe me.
We all have our own differences and similarities and still, there are billions of people in this world, each with their own view and their own version of light or color. To each their own, which we know yet – we are lost somehow, and following a string of inaccurate assumptions and misbeliefs which are linked to this crazy chain of lies that tell us “how” to be or “how” to think.
We are literally a trained society. We are taught about fashion. We are spoon fed information and we have art and culture and music and entertainment, which is all the fad, at least for a while.
This is so until something new comes along or until something else grabs a hold of us – and then the attention moves on to something else.
But this is about peace. This is about the soul’s right to have peace or to find peace. This is about us. This is also about our search for balance and happiness, peace and prosperity.
But what does this look like?
Does your version of peace look the same as mine?
Are we similar or different?
Do we base our comparisons on misinterpretations?
Are we just like the paper exercise?
We all have the same information yet we all come up with different pictures.
I have been expressing myself this way for a long time and I plan to continue this.
However, I am a person who has lived with my own life-long challenges. I am a person who identifies as a man in long-term recovery. I live with social anxiety. I live with medicated resistant depression and with regards to medication, any meds that I tried only seemed to make my symptoms even worse. And what the hell?
Was I so far gone that not even drugs could help me?
At the same time, the words that I use in this entry, like depression or anxiety, or words like suicidal ideation or any other trigger words that cause people to hush or stay away from these topics are interesting to me.
People look to hush these words.
Shhh . . .
Don’t talk about that.
People run from this because of bouts with guilt or shame.
People are ashamed of themselves or ashamed about the way they are
(or seem to be).
These are the internal bouts which cause a person to believe they are different or otherwise, they are unfit for the world. These are the thoughts that lead someone to think they are unmatchable and somehow destined to be stranded alone, even while standing in the crowd or abandoned, or discarded in plain sight.
No one speaks about these things. No one openly discusses their bouts or their struggles with this.
People will seldom speak their challenges, at least not as freely as they should.
In part, I suppose that my entries are intended to free someone who is like me, or who is locked-up or entangled in their own battles This is for me as well. But this is also for the person who struggles, both commonly and privately. Yet, most people will rarely open up this way. Most people look to hide these truths because this might suggest that we are flawed or weak, or otherwise unworthy.
No one wants to be seen as weak.
No one wants to be noted as flawed or imperfect. Yet, we are imperfect.
All of us
No one is all-seeing or all-knowing.
We all have flaws and character defects.
This is true.
At the same time, we all have our own perfect qualities.
We all have our own spirit and our own brightness which no one else can match or duplicate.
We all have our own specific brand or natural beauty.
However –
I can understand the losses in comparison. I can understand the challenges of beauty or the worries that we, ourselves, are not as beautiful as others – or, perhaps to us, maybe we’re not even beautiful at all.
I can understand the so-called breakdown that takes place with the different levels of popularity and the social echelons of “cool.”
Nobody wants to be “left out” or rejected.
Everybody wants to be cool.
We all want to be beautiful.
No one wants to be ugly, or seen as ugly.
No one asks for rejection or shame yet rejection and shame are as common as the air we breathe.
There are battles we have and fights ahead of us. There are times when life is sad or hard, our hearts break, our spirit is otherwise lifeless and sure, there are times when the worst seems to get the best of us.
No one is impervious.
No one escapes life or life’s terms.
No one.
At the same time, no one can beat this alone. We all need something or someone.
Whether I am it or you are mine – I admit that I am someone who has needs.
I have challenges. I have doubts. I have insecurities.
I have pains and past traumas. I have the internal whispers, which are far from helpful at times and, of course, the insecure whispers can be louder than any scream, which is far from helpful – especially when you’re trying to pay attention to the world around you.
I suppose there is strength here. I suppose there is something freeing because stories like this can open the door for someone else. Perhaps this is something that allows someone who would otherwise remain quiet, to speak up instead of retreating within or continuing to struggle in silence.
There are people who literally have to wake up and give themselves a reason to live, each and every day.
I know this because I am one of them. I need a reason. I need a purpose. I need a point and a direction and goal to work towards.
I need hope. I need something for my body to consume.
I need action because otherwise, it is too easy to sink into oneself or to drown in the muck of an emotional quicksand.
Maybe I am no different from anyone else.
Or maybe I am the only “me” in this world, which I am.
I know that wherever I am or whether I am strong or weak – I need to defy the insecure whispers that destroy my concentration.
I need to create my own spark and start my own fire.
I need to create the heat which is the rocket fuel it takes to strike the engine – to keep me moving.
Otherwise, I sink.
I suppose this is me, reaching out to the world, as if to say hey, is there anybody out there who gets this?
Maybe you get this. Maybe you are the only one.
Or maybe no one gets this at all and like the paper exercise, this is my own perspective, and based on my own interpretation; this is how my paper unfolds to open up differently from anyone else’s.
I might be alone. Or, I might be imagining that I am –
And you might be reading this, thinking that I’m crazy and that I am far more than I give myself credit for.
You may be right.
I might be crazy . . .
At the same time, I am a very real person.
I have love in my heart and breath in my lungs and for the moment, I want to make them both as useful as I can.
I have to because otherwise, I’ll just sink.
I used to think that anything I thought, said or did was nothing else but meaningless or worthless –
but if that were true, you and I wouldn’t be where we are now –
Together
The Written Addiction 