I am a fan of the discipline which states that there is nothing in front of us, but air and opportunity. I accept this motto as my own. I have come to the understanding that I have to honor this and keep this sacred, almost like a religious belief.
However, and wholeheartedly, I acknowledge the fact that intimidations are hidden in corners which seep through cracks that expose our weakest vulnerability and yes, I am aware of fear.
I am aware of doubts and insecurity and certainly, worst of all, I am aware of the ingredients of our distractions. I am aware of how we give up or give in to outside opinions and all else that would either disturb or disrupt our focus.
I know all about this. And I know this all too well.
I know about the fear of the unknown and the comfortability of staying where you are – I can say that I have been a subscriber to this in my past,. To what avail?
What has this done for me? Where has this taken me?
Or to what heights?
I am aware of being held back by an understandable comfort; even if the comfort is uncomfortable or unhappy; still, at least we understand the rules of engagement.
We know the players and the games. We know the rules too, which may or may not apply to anyone else. But . . .
At least, we know what to expect –
or not to.
When it comes to being stuck with more of the same or when it comes to the subpar life of the mundane or mediocre and when forfeited to a settled life, or in the cast or mold of the sad complacency which becomes the presented model of an unfulfilled existence, which is nothing more than simply existing rather than living; or lastly, when it comes to the stagnant or basic everyday sameness that comes without the grand finale or the uprising fireworks – there are no thrills nor attempts at victory, or in the means or the wake of an unfulfilled life, there are no highs or great peaks because life has not been lived or sought as a means to gain or to be thirsty for more.
No, it becomes clear to us.
Life in this regard becomes understandable. Perhaps, there are no moments of absolute greatness or perhaps life is neither too high or low, but in all – at least there’s an understanding which both qualifies and validates the unfulfilled or the sad surrender to a life unlived.
I have met with people who have never dared or tried nor gone outside of their own comfortable little world, which is sad.
I have met with people who never tried to really live – and even if their world was uncomfortable to begin with, at least they knew why.
I have met with people who flew under the radar and lived with a life that was “good enough.”
Good enough . . . not great. Not astounding.
So, rather than find their cost of freedom and pay any price to have the world they’ve always wished for, they submitted to a trade whereas they might not have gotten what they wanted – but to them, something was better than nothing. However, to me, having something that I never really wanted is the same as having nothing at all.
I’ve lived like this for way too long.
In fact, this has been me for longer than I’d like to admit.
I have seen and heard and listened to people who emotionally rebel from within, which is depression at its finest. Life is crumbling. The sky is falling and the impending doom is always lurking, like a hooded thief, waiting to knife your back or pick your pockets.
For some, no, their life is not tragic or sad. However, at the same time, their life is not the life that they wanted or wished for.
No . . . It’s good enough, I suppose.
There are people who live with less rather than more.
Instead, they lived their life like a settlement in a legal battle, which never took place in court. No, there was no real battle or winner – there was no conviction or trial.
There was only a settlement of a nondisclosed amount that never seemed to cover the debt in our hearts that always hoped and wanted more.
I lived this way too.
The problem isn’t the settlement itself.
The real problem is never getting what you want.
This is what happens when you settle. You never get what you wished for,
Also, be advised that this is where depression lives.
This is where doubt and blame come around to bury their bones and where shame or guilt, fault and regret can come around to embed themselves, to grow like weeds and wildfires, as a means to suffocate or destroy the fields of our truest, or best and wildest dreams.
Getting by is no longer the way to go.
Not now.
Not anymore.
Accepting the trades are no longer acceptable.
There has to be a switch, somewhere – understand?
Like a light switch in a dark room that we’ve never been to before.
People tend to avoid these places because of the unknown.
So, they never dare – or they give up too easily.
They fail to realize that it’s time to let their own light shine.
And somewhere, there’s a switch.
I know there is.
Somewhere, there’s a light that’s about to go on and once it does; I’m going to ask you to be mindful. Pay attention and take note of what you see because once you see, you can’t unsee anything.
You can no longer claim your problems on your hysterical blindness or your ignorance again.
No, these kinds of pleas are one-shot deals.
But now you know better – now that you can see.
Maybe this is why so many people prefer to turn a blind-eye.
You can’t claim ignorance more than once because once the light goes on and you can see, the truth is now you know.
Even if you close your eyes, you can’t pretend to be blind anymore.
It’s just an act.
There is nothing in front of you, but air and opportunity.
I remember hearing this said when I was a kid.
I heard this before a fistfight took place.
“There’s nothing between you and me but air and opportunity.”
So . . . let’s get it!
I like this saying. I didn’t like the end-result of the fist fight nor was I a fan of the beating that followed. Then again, I was never tough so, who was I fooling?
But I digress.
Either way, I understand this line from a different perspective.
I have a different viewpoint now, which is not to say that this does not involve a fight, which it does, but perhaps not entirely.
However, life is worth fighting for.
(And so am I.)
The point is simple –
Don’t like what you see?
Do something about it.
Don’t like how you think or feel?
Do something about it.
Don’t like where you live or work?
Do something about it.
Don’t like your life?
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
That’s why this is about . . .
There’s nothing in front of you but air and opportunity,
Nothing is stopping you, except for you, of course.
No one can kill you forever – unless you allow them to.
No one has the right to dictate or determine your life, your success, your achievements. Even if this is untrue or even if there is someone above you with their foot on your neck; still, there is nothing in front of you but air and opportunity.
I am not a guru nor do I claim to me.
Nor do I want to be.
I am me, flaws and all.
I am a person who has had to reinvent myself, consecutively and continuously, and I’ve had to do this throughout my entire life, for as long as I can remember.
Maybe I am alone with this.
Or, maybe not.
Either way, the point is there was never anything in front of me, except air and opportunity.
Here’s where the truth needs to come in.
It was not the air that intimidated me. It was not the opportunity that frightened me. It was the unknown. It was the fear of being wrong or ashamed. It was the fear of being unwanted or rejected and dismissed
It was the rage of my discomfort and the contempt of my resentment which kept me stuck. Now, to add some color and fabric to this, I have had to come to a new conclusion.
There is nothing in front of me but air and opportunity.
Therefore, should I choose to retreat or fall back; or should I refuse to launch or try, or should I allow myself to submit or sink, or if I quit before beginning and submerge beneath the weight of an unwanted life – then in all fairness. I have no one else to blame.
No one, but me.
I remember when I was a young man.
I remember the fears and the poorly advised assumptions of my fellow people, or so-called friends. I remember the inaccurate versions of “self” or the narrative in my mind, which did nothing else but instill fear or cause concern, or doubt.
But yes, I can look back now and see where I talked myself out of trying.
I can see how I stood in my own way or never tried for greatness.
I can see why I remained still or stuck or worse; I can see how I forgave my stillness and rationalized my failure to try.
I can see where I gave in to the illusions of failures and worse, I can see when and where I surrendered myself in unfortunate ways. I gave up too often and far too easily.
I quit by submitting to lies that suggested that anyone can be successful.
Anyone but me, that is.
I believed in this as if it were the law. I believed this, as if I were some kind of misfit.
I believed the worst because the results of my tragic thinking and assumptions were based on catastrophic thinking was the culprit that always suspected the worst to come true – and sad as this may sound, life is more understandable this way.
This is largely why people fail to break free from themselves.
At least here – you know what to expect.
You know what to do when you expect the worst. Life can be dependable this way. You can prepare for the trap door to open beneath you, this way you can fall through the floor of your rock-bottom and dive into that abysmal depth of life unlived.
As you drown yourself in the sorrowful pools of emotional quicksand, and as you live in your own shit, so-to-speak, or while you lock yourself up in your own prison, without daring or at least trying to be free, and as you find fault for every choice you made; you wish you could strangle yourself for never trying or daring.
You want to kick yourself in the ass for never feeling love or being brave enough to dare the edges of your comfort – and after reserving the right to refuse services, and after forgoing the battles and surrendering and living as a slave to the enemies in your mind; you retreat back to what you thought or considered to be your safest bet.
But no.
This was never really safe, per se, but only understandable. This was predictable. Yes, but the predictions can be old and sad after a while.
NO?
This is what comes after you died while still being alive all that’s left to do is accept the mundane features of your tired mediocrity – that’s the life unlived, to the laymen.
However, deep down, you know the truth.
You know that you never tried.
You know that you never dared.
You never even took a shot.
I lived this way for way too long.
Instead, you always ran back to fail-safe.
Even if this meant you’d return to the same old life, you suffered truth that yes, this was your choice and you did this to yourself.
Next, you start to realize one inescapable fact.
There is nothing in front of you but air and opportunity.
Fear – sure.
Fear is there. Fear is everywhere.
So is doubt.
So is shame, blame, fault, guilt and regret.
All these things can be found in abundance, literally, all around and anywhere we look.
Are they real?
They are certainly as real as we allow them to be.
That’s true.
I have starved myself of love and attention and affection and truth. I passed on the heroism of the most amazing touch which could save a life. I have starved myself of happiness and like the weeds from within that strangle the roots of my best possible life; I have bowed my head, both sadly and shamefully and in this submission, I quit and I allowed my life to pass me by.
This is life unlived.
This is life untried and untested.
This is what happens when we quit before we begin.
This is also what happens when I allow intimidations to become the priority.
This occurs when I allow myself to be codependent or if I give way or lose my boundaries; or when I give people the permission to intrude or invade me – this is what happens when I give up my life, without fighting for it
(or without realizing my worth).
I have spoken with young people who believe they are unheard and misunderstood.
I have spoken with kids who believe that regardless of their hopes and dreams and despite their urges, talents and desires, somehow, life is ruled by the tyrants above – and that’s life, controlled or dictated and to step out of line or to be insubordinate or to question anything will only incur the wrath and the anger of the authorities above – and hence, why bother fighting an unwinnable fight if all else is set to lose?
I have met and spoke with people who believe in their trauma over the truth of the strength of their heart.
I have met with people of all ages who know and understand that deep inside, there is that little kid who wants to play or be happy or laugh or dance and sing – but, and unfortunately, there are lifetime experiences and bouts with trauma.
There are moments of shame, or as a result of the unfortunate pasts, which took place between us and the narcissists or the selfish ones who never allowed us to dare (so they can be kept in a box, instead of free) and after years of this becoming a habitual belief, quite honestly and codependently, we find ourselves trapped in a box.
We have become imprisoned behind the invisible bars of the mind when, in fact, there are no bars.
There are no threats,
There is nothing in front of us but air and opportunities.
Do not allow yourself to become a prisoner.
Do not volunteer to be the victim.
And please, as a man with my own scars and as someone who started to discover myself, later in life, I am asking you this with all of my heart –
Please, do not allow your life to slip away.
Do not go gently.
Fight for your life and when there is peace, hold this and celebrate this for as long as you can.
When there is goodness, enjoy this.
Dance when the music plays and sing along if you know the words –
And if you don’t then hum – it’s just as good.
Mark this down, somehow, so you won’t forget it.
No one ever told me that I have the right to question and learn and change my mind or go my own way.
No.
I suppose I thought that I was supposed to follow suit.
Perhaps some of the suit is fitting for me. However, I can see where I went left instead of right.
I can see when (and why and how) I followed the wrong path because the truth is, I never allowed myself to dare the unknown journey.
I stuck with the common because it was understandable – not happy or promising, but again, I understood the rules of engagement.
I was always afraid of the unknown.
What if I get lost?
What if I fail?
What if I’m a joke . . .
Or, what if the saying is true?
There’s nothing in front of me but air and opportunity.
I can choose. You know?
I can choose to refer to my old self –
Or, I can choose opportunity
and become someone new.
It’s not the dark that scares us –
it’s not knowing what’s inside.
And figuratively, as for that room with the light switch?
I’ve spent way too many years worrying or wondering when the lights will come on –
so I can see . . .
But now, I have come to the understanding that there is nothing in front of me but air and opportunity, which means now is the time for me to make my own light shine – and fuck the dark.
No one else can see either.
We’re all just trying to find our way.
You know?
The Written Addiction 