I know that it’s easy to see . . . .
It’s easy to see all of the things that can go wrong.
It’s easier to find the problems,
and often, it’s easier to note the problems
than it is to find the solutions, and man . . .
sometimes, it’s hard to see the sun
because the clouds are in the way.
I get that.
And more . . .
it’s easy to be angry and it’s easy to be resentful.
It’s easier to be mad than it is to forgive
or to find a common ground and sure,
I am guilty of this,
all the time.
I have been angry too, and for a long time,
I have allowed my anger to shade my view,
and more so,
I have allowed my flaws to grow
instead of looked for the escape
and better my intentions
And to what avail?
What has this done for me?
Aside from hurt me
or ruin relationships, or teach me
that eventually, everything goes wrong,
people leave, love falls apart,
hate is more prominent
and resentments or more dominant
and aside from this; I understand now
that nurturing the worst
is hardly a good way to create the best.
I know because I have shot myself in the foot
or put my foot in my mouth
or I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face
or I lived in the worst ideas
and felt nothing more than despair,
hurt, or fear, and anger,
And so, in this case
or for this journal, I have to switch my direction.
I have to adjust my intentions
Upon finishing my last journal, The Book of Chaos,
I am creating this new journal, which is this one
The Book of Hope,
because hope has always been an interesting thing.
Hope can lead us to the promised land.
Hope can help us picture a dream
and a wish and if we allow;
hope can build a picture in the mind,
to which we can draw a map
or somehow create a formula,
or formulate an attack
and see what we want,
so we can make it so.
I have been on both sides of the pendulum.
I have swung back and forth.
I have lost my mind in more cases
and in more ways than I care to admit.
And am I crazy?
Maybe.
Maybe I am crazy.
So?
Even if I am crazy
then I am no more crazy or crazier
than anyone else in this world.
I want to see the good in man.
I need to see the good in myself
I want to see the best in people.
I want to see hope.
I want to find that place in the world, which is my place
or my circle; as in, a place of love and of hope
and when I finally break through
the ring and enter my place;
I want this to be even more beautiful
and more spectacular
than I imagined
I want to walk away from the previous command
and from the old and unnecessary wars,
which either took place in my head (or in my heart)
and to better myself
or to find a better future and built a better world f
or myself, then please . . .
as I introduce you to my hopes, I
would like to introduce myself to you
and to a hopeful and brand-new world.
I don’t want to leave.
I don’t want to walk around and hold on to the past
or live with problematic or resentful thinking.
I don’t want to drive angry
or live angry
or die alone.
I don’t want to be loveless or live without love
and I certainly don’t want to lose
the last of what I have
or waste another moment,
wishing I could have changed my ways,
before it was too late,
and I don’t want to miss another window of opportunity,
and nor do I want to lose another ounce of capacity,
which is to live more and love more
or to learn more and laugh more.
I don’t want to go over the old tactics in my mind
and think about what happened,
because the past is gone and like I’ve always said;
neither of us can live there anymore.
But yet, we tend to revisit the past
and all too often,
and we linger in the mistakes or the wishes
that we can go back or change something,
long before we lost everything,
and somehow; and with all sincerity
we cannot allow ourselves to interact with the past
in away that does nothing but degrade us
or propel the feelings of what took place,
because this is how we keep ourselves from healing
or getting well enough
to move forward.
Nothing can go back the same as it was, sometimes,
but that does not mean things cannot be better,
or improved.
This is not like the last journal about The Book of Chaos.
No, this is The Book of hope.
This is about my hope,
to which I understand that this is a risk
and I also understand that just because I am hopeful
and heartful and just because I am trying
or just because I wish so deeply
or dream so much about the life I want,
and just because my heart is strong and hopeful;
I know that disappointment is part of life.
But this is about hope.
This is about the dreams I have.
This is about me and you
and the billions of other souls,
who have come down here
and left their mark on this world.
This is about my heart and my hope
that love cannot be destroyed
and that love can arise above anything
including the worst.
This is about my dream and that regardless
of what might have happened in life
or regardless of what took place,
this is about my hopes that nothing is so dead
that we cannot bring them back to life.
This is about my hope that nothing is too ruined
that we cannot see them become reborn
or see the next phase of this world
in a whole new light.
This is about light and peace and hope
and recovering from what was,
so that we can let go of the past,
and welcome the future,
to be what we want it to be.
You have been with me so long now,
and to me, it’s like you have been with me forever.
So, stay with me now,
here, and walk with me more and laugh with me more
because I hope this finds you exactly where you are
and loosens the plaque in the arteries,
which harden the heart, or make us coarse
and prevent us from love, life,
and the ongoing pursuit of happiness.
I want to be happy.
But also, and more importantly
I want to be happy
with you.
The Written Addiction 