The Book of Hope: Understanding The Alternative

We are up and running to find our way
and with hopes to make up some time,
and hopefully,
we can get ahead
or find some way to make sense
of this whole crazy place.

It is morning now, and the rain has fallen.
They say the sun is coming out soon
and that the day will be salvaged
before we know it.

I suppose the sun and the clouds can be
interchangeable at times.
Life is an unfolding event
that takes place in unexplained moments
and yes, shit happens
and life can throw us a few curves
for sure.
There are times when we often lose track of ourselves
or we lose sight of our hopes and often,
fears have a way of coming to wake us up
right when we find ourselves
at the best part of our dreams.

I can say this is true.
I can say that hope is the enemy of fear,
and vice-versa,
fear is the enemy of hope.

I can say that things rise and fall.
I can say that good things happen,
and great things will happen too.
I can say that there is no doubt in my mind
that there are times when it seems
as if we take two steps forward,
and then we find ourselves knocked down, hard,
and we fall ten steps backwards.

I can say
that I used to believe that hope was a dangerous thing
or that hope was a painful thing and yes,
I was afraid to have hope.

I was afraid to have dreams.
I was afraid to give my all because
I was afraid that my all would never be enough or that,
if I opened up, or humbled myself,
as if to be down on one knee,
and in my most vulnerable position,
I was afraid of the rejection
or the loss factor,
or that I would take the shot—and miss
or look like a fool.

I have always been afraid to be the fool
or to be the gullible one,
or to find out that I was the one
who was lied to or that it was me
who didn’t get the joke because, above all things,
my biggest fear was not just that I would be last
to get the joke—but worse,
my biggest fear has always been
that the joke was me
or that I was the punchline.

Hope . . .

It is a scary thing.
It is awkward and uncomfortable at times,
and there are times when I want my life
or my body to move a certain way,
but at the same time,
my rhythm fails to follow the course,
or life has a way of changing the flow.
Hence, I fall out of step
and lose my rhythm
even worse.

I understand when people say
that you can’t always get what you want.
Yes, I understand that in the end,
all things play out,
and wherever we are
is exactly where we are supposed to be.

Even now—where I am is where I am supposed to be.
If this were not true,
then I would be somewhere else,
or maybe I would be someone else,
and maybe that might be favorable in either direction.

However, I am me. This is where I am,
and the facts around me, whether they are
favorable or challenging, or if I am to be enlightened
by some new kind of change, and suddenly
they sky opens up,
and the hand of The Almighty
points in my direction;
either way, I am here now,
facing the change, and frightened,
but I am always open
to the fact that changes are supposed to come.

I want to do something.
I want to grow.
I want to move beyond the limits of my fears
or the worries of whether I am enough or not,
and rather than fail to the complexities
of insecure thinking,
I think it only makes sense to follow an old suggestion
which I heard so long ago.

Keep it simple, stupid!

Maybe this is the best idea I could have,
for now,
to keep it simple, or to keep it in “the now,”
and rather than lose my mind
while trying to fix the things that are out of my control,
I can start here and fix what I can.

I have no view into the future.
I have no clue what’s to come
or what will happen.
I know that life has changed.
I know that I have changed too.

So let me roll with this now,
and let the changes take place,
and let me kick back because
I can run uphill
or fight the unwinnable,
or I can realize that sometimes,
I must accept “what is,”
and let go or “what was.”

We are up and running now.
And life is moving in ways
that I never expected.
No matter what though —

I still have hope,
and although there are things,
which I must let go; therefore,
my hope is all I have,
and for now,
that’s enough because
it has to be.
Otherwise . . .
I’d have to consider the alternative
which is hopeless.

Know what I mean?