The Book of Hope: Finally

And somehow, or out of nowhere,
it became June and the months
seemed to peel away like a picture show
or some flickering tale of 365 pictures
that tell a story of what was,
what happened,
and what will never be again.

Sometimes we see this and think,
“what a waste”
and maybe it was,
a waste, I mean.
Or maybe “waste”
isn’t the right word
or perhaps “waste” is inaccurate
or an understatement.

It’s in the past, they say,
which is fine, so long
as we can allow the past to stay behind us,
and now, well?
Now is the time
for the separation to begin
and me?
Now is the time to realize
that lies cannot make truths
and truths cannot be lied about
even though we do lie about them,
the truths, I mean.

And sure . . .
It is easy to point fingers
and blame others, which is fine
to some degree.
Whatever you need to do to blow your hair back
or whatever you have to say to yourself
so you can face the mirror
and say you’re a good person.

But mirrors reflect truths
which is why you can only lie so much
to your reflection
because ugly is ugly,
unsightly is always unsightly
no matter how pretty you try to make it.

Pretty . . .
I think this word has been ruined for me.
Besides, I like the word “beautiful” anyway.
Pretty can be lied to.
But beauty can never fade,
at least not real beauty
or the honest kind.

I am not so far from my truth
or my lies
nor am I far away from who I am
or who I want to be
because now is a good time to decipher
between good or bad,
fact or fiction. 

A change, though,
a change has taken place,
which was inevitable
because the lies couldn’t last any longer.

I am aware now, more than ever,
and I am certain of the word “enough,”
or the antithesis, which is “not enough,”
and when it comes down
to the simple mathematics of life,
sometimes nothing is never enough
to solve the cowardice or the selfish needs
or the hypocrisy of people
who make claims, which were nothing else,
but false, or fake, or lies,
just so they can survive.

Hope . . .
There is nothing else but hope.
Hope that the past is behind
and gone, which is where it should be.

There is nothing else but hope
when it comes to the recovery of one’s life
and the understanding or the freedom of the idea
which takes place
when the soul declares to “walk away”
from the lies and hence,
it is safe to say the words, “Never again,”
can be redeeming; as if to say that
now is the time to realize the lies
and the bullshit,
and now is the time to realize
the selfish surroundings,
or the one-sided needs of outside sources.

Now is the time
to realize the person you thought
was not the person who is.

Now is the time to realize
that beauty fades to the ugly truths
and that not everyone is true,
and not everyone is honest,
even when they swear to be
and that their lies
are the bloodline to their sad little survivals,
like a security blanket,
which was obviously more vital than say,
a promise.

I don’t want that kind of life for me
nor do I want that sort of weakness
in my surroundings.

I should say that my hope is changing;
that I will no longer lend myself to the lies
which used to dictate
that I am incapable, or that I am unable to move on,
and improve, or that I am incapable of feeling better,
or that I am incapable of finding love,
or true love, and now—as I see it,
I understand that true love cannot be founded on lies,
in any form, and that try as I might,
I cannot fit myself where I do not belong.

So, then let me stay here
and exit my previous stage
to be who I deserve
and away from people
who will never be enough
or enough to deserve me.

Sometimes, the eyes open up wide enough
to realize that the people
who you assumed were the best are in fact,
the worst, and I’m fine with this now.
No, really . . .
I am.

I used to hold myself to the fire
for the lies I told
or I would convict myself, over and over again
for my wrongs
and my sins.
I realize that lies and sins can be common,
and while I try to account and improve,
some people are more comfortable this way,
lying, or living like a coward,
or being a hypocrite. And now,
just like the flicker from the last 365 days of
pictured memories, the time is over,
and today is a good day
to allow a new show to begin.

Some people . . .
need to order two meals
one to feed
each face.