1)
I think of little kids
and the games they play
or little girls
in their little dresses,
or young boys on the playground
and how
that used to be me, a long, long time ago.
I think about kids on swings
or seesaws and how they dream, or laugh
or wait for the final bell to ring
and summer can take place.
I think about the way we were as kids
or back when we believed in heroes
or when we had the right
to believe in such wonderful things
like fairy tales
and I think about the theft that comes
when age takes place
and beliefs like this
are chased away.
I think about the different levels of sensitivity
or the things we do
or the hours that we waste
on trying to be right
when, instead,
it just pays
to try and be happy.
I think about the years I lived
and the chances I missed
because I was either untrue to myself
or to my heart
or because I was otherwise
too afraid or too worried
that somehow,
I would come up short,
I tried to pull a trick
and see what I could come away with.
I think about the older kids
who bullied the younger kids
or who took away their right to
believe in the simplest things,
and I think about all the times
I wished it were safe to talk
but not everyone is always safe
to talk to.
I think about this with a reason in mind
and I think about what it was like
to be young or confused
or to have a thought or a feeling
and then I think about the people
who thought they knew better
or who tried to impose their projections
upon me
because they thought they knew
what to do.
I think about me, a little boy
wondering about the moon
or if anything I heard
from the storybooks could be real . . .
I still dream though.
I still hope.
Do you?
2)
The sun comes up
when you expected the clouds,
and this is good to see
because you realize that the rain
wasn’t always such a threat,
and that even if the day changed
and even if the thunder were true,
in the end,
I am still the same,
and I am still loyal
to who I am
and to who I’m supposed to be.
It is nothing short of a miracle,
for me to be here now,
and to continue, regardless of
things that came or went
or despite what happened
or what took place
it is absolutely amazing to me,
that nothing has ever broken me;
and whether I have been hurt or not
is obvious
because life comes around to serve us all
and not all portions are fair
or easy.
But no one tells you that
this is only a turning point
or that even pain
can be a great release.
No one tells you that you can learn
from this and be stronger or better.
Better yet, no one tells you
that your mind is always
looking for a way to compensate
or looking to update the senses
or to fix a part of us which was lacking,
which means the mind
is the most capable thing,
especially when it comes to healing.
Rather than allow the body
to slip into atrophy,
or instead of letting the muscles
from in the heart go to waste
or remain unused,
or before I should let myself become frail
or fall or sink, or before allowing someone
or something to take me away,
or before I allow the threat
of disloyalty
to become painful and take hold of me,
and rather than blame myself
for someone else’s lack of truth
and to be better myself as I am,
then first,
I have to recognize who I am.
I have to realize
that someone’s projection
of life is their problem,
not mine.
I have to understand
that no one lies to me,
at least not really.
They lie to themselves; however,
when the revelations come,
we realize where the vulnerability was
but deep down,
it’s not like I never knew the truth.
I knew the truth.
It would appear to me that sometimes,
but we’d rather believe a pretty lie
than an ugly truth.
Still, the truth is this:
even a beautiful lie
is ugly and so is the comfort
of those who tell them.
To be honest,
that’s the last thing
that I ever want to be
ugly . . .
So, it’s okay that we see this,
even if this is late in the game,
or that our eyes open
and we recognize that we didn’t pay attention,
at first.
Or maybe we let our guard down
and we missed the warning signs;
and it’s okay because this helps me
come to a better level of awareness
because, in fairness,
the reasons why people lie
are because of the discomforts
of their truths,
and let’s face it,
some truths
are uncomfortable.
But thankfully, and eventually,
a revelation comes,
and the skies undo the lies
and the clouds disperse . . .
and just like that,
I can be free
If I choose to be.
The Written Addiction 