Random, Aimless and Unplanned- Stream of Consciousness Screaming, But Not Too Loud

Labor Day Weekend, 2024

Sunrise came later this morning. Your early resurrection was put on hold, at least briefly, or perhaps this is just for now. It is early but not as early as life allows.
Time is ticking and life can be escaping us, right now; unless, of course, we choose to make a move.
I have to say that this is a morning of contemplation.
Do you understand what that means?

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Random, Aimless and Unplanned – To Reconcile (the heart)

1)

Ah. The beach . . .
I have somewhere deep within my heart.
I have the memories of my yesteryear
and memories of old driftwood
washed upon the shore,
like a remnant of some past construction
or a sentiment
of what it means to be alive once
and then forgotten.

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Random, Aimless and Unplanned – Pacifier

Ah, just skip it.
What a great idea this would be, to just skip it, or walk away, or to “cut out,” like we did when we were kids, remember?
Skipping school or cutting classes, and maybe finding ourselves in a group somewhere, like on some class trip of our own—only, there was no class of any kind, and perhaps the trip was everything and anything but innocent.

There has to be a time when we can lay back and just let the music play.
You know?
Just escape . . .
What an idea this is.
Come to think of it, I was listening to a speaker suggest that everyone should devote at least 30 minutes of their day to some form of meditation — unless you’re really busy, and if you are, then make it an hour.

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Random, Aimless and Unplanned – An Outstanding Balance

There is, of course, the outstanding balance which is something that I believe we should talk about.
What I mean is, I believe in the debts of the heart and, equally, I believe in the “give and take” and the rise and fall of the tides. Further, I believe that not all that glitters is gold nor is there always a good time or a good place.
Not everything will run smoothly, but at the same time, no one can kill me forever.
Understand?

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Random, Aimless and Unplanned – An Unfortunate Truth I’ll Call Fictional Reality

Last ride on the ghost machine, this morning.
Then again, or as the saying goes, there are last rides,
and then, there’s the last and final ride,
no thanks, or thanks to you
Fentanyl . . .
Oftentimes, nobody knows
which is which
or what comes next.

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Random, Aimless and Unplanned – The God Thing

I can’t say that I know for sure about what’s out there.
I don’t know if there’s an Old Man in the sky with a long gray beard or if there is a loving mother, as in Mother Earth, or as it is depicted in pictures, the Loving Mother, as in Hail Mary (full of grace, the Lord is with Thee) and I am unsure what I think about who has the rights to reserve which god is right or wrong.
I do believe, though.
I’m not sure why or what I believe in. I’m not sure if I believe because I like the idea of being absolved or heard while at prayer. Perhaps, maybe I believe because the opposite of belief is too grim for me to consider.

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Random, Aimless and Unplanned – Opening Scene

This has become something that I have to do. Writing, I mean.
This is my daily choice. I have to start here because the alternative seems unlikable to me.
My ideas to write are as important to me as breathing or eating and drinking.
This is how I live. This is how I survive.
This is nothing that I take lightly and, of course, by now, and with all the years that I have put into this trick, I realize that I cannot give in or stop.
I cannot give up because of an illusion of success or the lack thereof.
None of that is real anyway. Besides, success is always relative.
Isn’t it?

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The Book of When? – Last One

Today is a good day. I know it is.
Today stands for something. This means something to which I understand if the meaning is not the same to you as it is for me. But regardless of what this day means to you or to anyone else, still, I know that today is a good day.

It has to be.

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The Book of When? – Chapter Thirty Four

Fear. . .
I think that this is a good topic to discuss before I close this journal and move on to the next.

Fear.

I know that fear is an excellent motivator. Fear can make us run. Fear can make move or hide or, at some point, fear can drive us to the understanding that no matter what, I never want to be afraid again.
I never want to give in. I never want to be used or humiliated.
I never want to feel weak or that vulnerable again and I never want to be that susceptible to anyone or anything.

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The Book of When – Chapter Thirty Three

I remember when there was a time when it was good to be wild.

Do you?

I remember a time when it was fine to risk everything and not care about what came next. And I swear, a World War could’ve taken place and I might not have noticed.
A storm could have passed, a hurricane, tornado, and even an earthquake, and all could have gone on simultaneously and I wouldn’t have noticed.

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