I always go back to that same question that asks, when is it your turn?
I believe this inspiration is more than just this journal.
I believe this is more than a simple question about when. Even more, I believe in the soul’s right to inquire, and the heart’s need to be fulfilled.
I believe in the degradation that comes when we settle for less and, yes, I believe in the victory of holding out. I believe in the redemption of holding on to what we want. Essentially, I believe in the full-circle miracle that comes when we see ourselves from the beginning and to the end.
As we note down the trials and times we slipped or fell, and as we acknowledge what went into the preparations to achieve and to exceed our limitations and, of course, as we recall the growing pains and all the aches and soreness of loss, I believe in the freedom of redemption. Therefore, I believe in the greatest gift of all which is the almighty breath that comes after we cross the so-called finish line.
Breathe . . .
Breathe and let this be the proof that you are still alive.
You’re still moving and you’re still going.
Do not be afraid or allow your weariness to make you stop.
I know there are mountains ahead. I know there are times when the back is tight and the knees are weak. I know how heavy the heart can be and, of course, I understand the concept of what happens when we move one step forward, only to go two steps back.
I can understand the art of standing still while trying to get ahead because despite the roadblocks or what hits us, at least we are not being pushed back or thrown for a loss.
I know what it’s like to work hard and wonder if anything I’ve done has been worthwhile or worth anything. I have wondered this when, in fact, deep down, I know that my efforts are worth everything.
Breathe . . .
Reset your position, if you have to.
Do not give in.
I have asked myself the following questions:
When is it my turn?
When will this get easier?
When will I find a break in the system—and when can I make a run for it?
I know what it means to have to bob and weave and try to maneuver or manipulate the movements, just so I can advance or at least not lose my ground.
I know how it feels to have to keep moving, just so I won’t lose my mind. I can relate, understand, and assure you that I know what it means to hurt and bleed and also, I know what it means to know that, yes, we have to breathe to keep us alive.
I know what it means to have someone tell me how strong I am. And I know this because something I’ve experienced or lived through and, of course, I can appreciate the compliment, but at the same time, I remember thinking or wishing to be less strong and minus the trauma.
I never asked to be strong that way. I never asked to be a survivor yet, this is who we are.
We are far more amazing and incredible than we believe. We are far more capable and indeed, we are far more able to adapt and endure which, at some point, we understand that there is a secret to all of this.
I have my secret of endurance.
You have yours too.
While the two may relate or even be similar, no one is the same, which means no one has the same strength as you or me.
Just to be clear –
I never saw myself as unstoppable or capable or able. I never believed in the stick-to-itiveness and the ability of continuous and ongoing effort.
I never quite understood the meaning behind the quote, “surrender to win,” until I realized that sometimes, surrendering to the truth is all we can do.
I never thought that I could go so far or move as fast or if at all, I never thought that I would have the ability to stay the course or to stand up after falling down.
I can remember the dark and heavier times.
I can remember when all I wondered was “when?”
When is it going to be my turn?
When is any of this going to pay off?
When am I going to have that breakthrough?
When will I find myself on the other side of success and achievement?
Or in the dawn of my newest beginning, when am I going to look back and see how far I’ve come?
When am I going to come, full-circle, and realize the purpose behind the pain and alas, when am I going to be pain free as a result of all I’ve done?
Be on the lookout for your small success.
Note them down and monitor your achievements.
Store them in a safe place and from now on, be mindful of how you choose to speak about yourself.
Better yet, be mindful of how you speak to yourself.
Be mindful that you don’t find yourself caught in the same traps or thinking errors that keep you behind and prevent you from moving forward.
Be mindful of this always, and beware of the excuse machine.
This does you no good.
Beware of the hooks that come with spiritual and emotional laziness.
These are the rusted snares that can rip us apart, if we allow them to sink in.
Pay attention to your efforts
The results are out of our control.
And just know –
Sometimes, there is the unfortunate truth that disappointments are unavoidable.
Sometimes, the thing we want the most is not the thing we end up with.
But, if we keep working and we keep moving, we can find ourselves on the other side of success even better or well-off than we originally thought.
I am not where I want to be. Yet.
I am not who I want to be. Yet.
I don’t have a time frame as to when this will happen.
But I have learned that watching the clock only makes the process become harder.
I guess I’ll just keep working.
For now –
Good morning, success.
I’ve been looking all over for you.
Who’d have thought that you were with me this whole time?
(Know what I mean?)
The Written Addiction 