And here’s another good “when” question . . .
When is enough, enough?
I ask this, as in how long do we need to keep this going?
How long do we need to be angry before we realize that all we do is run in circles and keep the pain alive? Why do we have to keep the feuds going?
How does this help us?
Why do we have to waste time and energy? If this is true, and if we are allowing ourselves to waste time and energy, then why do we keep the feuds alive? If it is us who keep them fights alive, then when is our turn to realize that our life will be better spent if we let go of the past so we can pay attention to a better future?
See?
I am guilty of this. And I say this with a half-smile and partly shaking my head because there are times when my ego and pride steps in, and there are times when I am bent out of shape, and there are moments when I am hurt or stuck with unresolved problems and tensions, which drain me from being my best, and so I look to strike back and I look to redeem myself, which does nothing but keeps me from finding peace over what was.
I can’t do this anymore. Or, wait.
No.
I can’t live this way anymore.
I receive insults all the time.
But are they insulting, if I don’t pay attention to them?
Are they really a score or a “direct hit” if I disregard them as childish or weak, and rather than allow myself to be stuck in the web, I walk on. And so?
Do the insults really mater?
How long do we need to keep the arguments alive?
How helpful is this to begin with?
I agree that there are some things that are worth fighting for.
At the same time, there are countless fights on the war front which are wasteful and useless.
I’d rather fight for something that is worthwhile.
But again, I am a work in progress.
When is it enough that we can let go of what happened and start paying attention to what can happen next? I think this is a great question.
I understand how thinking about something can breathe life into an old existence of pain or discomfort. I understand that as long as we have a thought about something which is unresolved, or as long as we have a feeling of discomfort about something or someone, and the more we feed this, the more it mutates and grows. At the same time, the more we feed into this kind of thinking, I find that this becomes the unraveling thread to which we keep pulling and so, the threads of our sanity will keep unwinding as well, until finally, we become undone.
I understand what it feels like to be “done wrong.”
I know that I have done wrong too.
I know about resentments. I know about the feeling of being fooled or the seeming ideas that I was hurt or that I was taken advantage of. Yes, this sucks.
I know all about pride too and the problems that come with ego driven thinking. I also know about the thinking errors that this can lead to our lack of sanity—and next, I can find myself in the middle of a self-proclaimed war, as if to be in a constant battle, or otherwise known as my personal, World War III. But at the same time, I ask myself, to what avail?
What does this do for me?
Another struggle of mine is the idea that I always had to pay for something that I did wrong, which I do agree that amends are needed.
But when is it enough?
When have I paid enough?
Better yet, if I am angry or resentful and look to add punishment, when does this stop?
When does this end?
Or does this keep going in full-circles?
When is it enough that I realize that the past is gone, and not only do I not live there anymore, and not only is it impossible to change or re-litigate the past, it is also and further draining of me, my attention and my energy to work so hard to change or fix something that cannot be changed or fixed.
I can fight back. I can argue and scream. I can offer insults with the best of them, but to what avail?
No matter how much I try to respond or retaliate, nothing can change what took place, and as long as I need revenge, then I will never know what it means to move on or live in peace.
But again, I go back to the idea that when there is a thought or unresolved feeling, tension, or discomfort, or if I find myself on the receiving end of a moral injury, if I’m hurt or deceived, or if someone or something breaks my heart, I understand why the mind is always searching for an answer.
I know that the mind is always looking to find ease or peace. This is an intellectual concept of an emotional problem because as long as I keep the pain alive, the pain will always hurt worse than it has to.
I understand the mind is always looking to understand what happened. The mind wants to make sense of what took place—even if what took place makes no sense at all, the mind is always trying to understand blame, or looking to assign fault, or to find out why something happened.
But sometimes, there’s no answer that can satisfy the mind.
Sometimes,, people are simply fucked up. Even good people do bad things.
No one is above or beyond mistakes.
No one.
When is enough, enough?
When does the need for revenge settle down, and if the saying is true, that the best revenge is good living, then when am I going to realize that the best revenge is to be able to live, stand, walk and talk without regarding what happened or what took place.
The best revenge is not to need revenge at all.
So, in my opinion, the best revenge is to realize that I don’t need revenge at all—anything else is only going to degrade me. So, even if I advance on the battleground, or even if I score a direct hit in the imaginary wars and shake my enemy to their core, and even if I keep the fight alive to protect myself, what does this do for me?
If I fuel the fires which I keep alive in my head and allow the bridges I’ve burned to light my way, what benefit does this do for me?
I have to say that I used to be angry. I used to worry if an enemy would growl at me.
I don’t let this bother me anymore.
I don’t pay attention to this because if my enemy growls or snarls, or if my enemy flips me off, or takes a shot, or scores a hit—I get it, they’re an enemy.
This is their job.
This is what they look to do.
I don’t pay attention to this anymore, at least not so much.
However, I might not wonder about an enemy who growls or snarls—but if they smile at me, then yes, I know that there’s something on the way.
And that’s fine.
I say this is fine because when is enough, enough?
When am I going to allow myself to step away from the feuds?
When am I going to realize that I will never find peace so long as I keep the wars alive in my head?
I am far from perfect. And I am far from everyone’s friend. I am the typical run-of-the-mill person which means that, yes, I have people in my corner, and I have enemies as well.
Maybe I have a lot of friends. or maybe I have a lot of enemies.
But, so?
At the same time, I have no time for this.
I have no time for the back and forth battles and I have no time to keep score, as in who hit who last, and who is ahead on the score card, who took on more damage, or who is behind, and at the same time, I have no time nor do I have the patience or tolerance to be degraded by my own actions, or being caught up in the ideas of retaliation –
It’s just wasteful.
I don’t have to be angry anymore.
I don’t have to be a victim to my own resentments, and I don’t have to waste my time, thinking about my enemies, or worry about whether they’re approaching my gates—
or not.
When is enough, enough?
When is it time to let go of the wars in my head?
When will I realize that the unresolved tensions in my head are only alive because I keep feeding them?
And so . . .
in fairness, I am human and although I am looking to improve myself, I admit that I give in and I find myself locked in thoughts of ego and pride.
I let myself be taken away and, thus, I find myself in the sad need to retaliate.
I see how wasteful this is when, in fact, no matter how hard I strike or look to strike next, and no matter how successful my response can be, at the same time, I have done nothing but lost time and wasted my energy worrying, thinking, and wasting the chance of moving ahead.
I have to move ahead, so I can be happy and live a better life.
I agree—
You can’t save your face and your ass at the same time.
Amends are necessary.
But, at the same time, there is no need to continue apologies and there is no reason to pay more than what’s owed. Always pay back, but pay to an equal value.
So . . .
When is enough, enough?
Well, someone could answer that enough is enough the minute we realize that time can either be used or wasted.
That’s when we realize that it’s time to let go of our sad needs to respond or retaliate.
And me?
I would rather live free from my past than spend the rest of my life responding to it or fighting back against an enemy who only lives in my heart.
When is enough, enough?
The answer: Right now.
The Written Addiction 