First light appears in the Sunday morning sky, and I am new again.
I am brand new in fact. Nothing about me is the same as yesterday.
Or perhaps I should say that in the hands of the Universe,
nothing about today is the same as it was.
The winds do not blow from the same direction.
The waves that break along the beach at Point Lookout do not
fall the same as they did yesterday and the waters
moving through Jones Inlet are never going to flow the
same way again.
Everything is different now.
Everything is new and hopefully improved—or essentially,
I wonder if the ideas of improvement are simple and relative
and the rest is up to me . . .
and my interpretation.
Everything is different now. Everything will increase by at least one step,
and everything will become different tomorrow too, just the same as now
will never be again, neither will yesterday.
Nothing is ever the same. No two people. No two lives. No two romances
are the same and neither can any of our rendezvous
be the same or recreated—and no, this is life, and life is energy to which
I am moved to repeat myself and use the quote from Albert Einstein
when he said, “Energy can neither be created nor destroyed,
but can only transform
or be transferred from one form to another.
Life is energy. So is love.
So is lust, for that matter, and so is our intention, our dreams,
and our passion. Since this is us and since these items
are the special ingredients in our life
and since this is only some of the many details
which make up our life, then I say this is good.
I have said what I am about to say to friends, family, and to loved ones.
I have said this to those who mourned the loss of their loved one,
or to whose who mourned their spouse, their person,
or mate—and I say this right here and now, again
and I will say this again too because there is meaning behind this.
We can never be destroyed.
Nothing about us could ever be so broken or so beaten
that we could ever be destroyed or dismantled
or taken apart.
We might have to change forms. We might have to transfer
or change our approach or transform from one way to another
but rest assured, nothing true, nothing real, and nothing
as vibrant as a dream, a hope, a desire, or the burning passion
to live, love, laugh and learn, and nothing as beautiful and pure
and nothing as amazing as the heart of us could ever be destroyed.
I promise you.
I cannot say that life will come without pain
or that life comes without crosses to bear.
We all have our tests.
We will have encounters and brushes with fate and temptation.
We will have moments where, and I swear this with all of my heart,
it’s a wonder how we wake up in the morning
and put our feet on the floor.
We will have run-ins with bad things and bad people.
We will have battles and wars and there will be times
when our bouts of faith are seemingly devastating.
As destroyed as we may seem—I say that behold,
we are born for a purpose.
We are born to live or die and yes, in this world of ups and downs
and rises and falls, ebbs and flows, or peaks and valleys;
and in this world of confusion or uncertainty—with all of my heart,
nothing about the truth and nothing about
us could ever be destroyed.
We are born to live or die
to which I say the choice is ours. Yes,
there are people who live there life
while dying alive
and there are people who choose not to be true
to their heart. To this I say,
what a terrible life this is
to live but not to live at all,
this is the worst hell I could think of.
Thank God, that’s not me
(anymore).
I have made some recent decisions. I have chosen to find myself
and while I am either a person in search for my place
or a shepherd in search of my flock,
I am looking to create a new beginning and say goodbye
to the yesterday which can never be destroyed or recreated,
but essentially, my old life can only change forms.
Hence, today
and the new morning sun.
I had a day yesterday.
It was a good day.
Everything about this was beautiful.
Everything.
Including you.
I am awake, of course, and I am up before the sun
and sitting in my captain’s chair, figuratively speaking, of course.
I am feeling the aches and pains of my life.
I am older and I am younger now too.
I want to be a kid again, but like I told you, nothing like this
can be recreated. Then again, nothing like the energy of my desire
can be created nor destroyed.
So, therefore, I will transform. I will transfer my energy and move
from one direction to another.
I will remove myself from people and the places
where I am not desired or wanted, included, and I will remove myself
from where I am not fit or meant to be.
Perhaps some of this was a lie, or maybe most of this was a lie –
my past that is.
But that was yesterday
and yesterday is gone.
I am moving forward, as if to be on the bow of a brand new ship
and letting the fresh winds move across my face.
Or otherwise, maybe I am sitting in the wheelhouse of my own vessel,
like the way I dream of my Old Man and how his heaven has him out at sea,
fishing the depths of a great ocean
and overflowing and overwhelming the lines with a catch of all catches—and if so,
if belief can become fact and if intentions can become life
then please let this be me—outgoing, like my Old Man before me,
happy, sitting in my captain’s chair
and navigating the great waters to make my way.
Behold the greatest journey called life.
No one ever promised the seas would be calm
or the wind would blow in my favor, but I know one thing is for sure,
that one day, I will find my port, and I will brave the seas
and handle the wheel when the weather turns rough.
I will never be a coward
(again).
I will follow my heart’s compass, and I will mark my trips
and detail my logbook to recall where my best catches were made.
I will roam the deep. I will fill my nets. I will fill my heart and my belly
and with all of my heart, that I will find my way home.
I know that this will be so
because you showed me that this can be true.
And I will never forget that.
Nothing about me is the same today.
I sent out a message to The Spirit.
I told the Universe what I want.
I have bills to pay and debts to settle, which has nothing to do with money,
but more—I understand these things are my debts from the heart.
I know that not everyone is on my side.
I know that there will be those who protest me and those who
will look to sink my ship.
So be it.
But not matter what, I know that I can never be destroyed.
I know this is true.
I know that I am the only one who can take me from where I am
and it is only me who can take me to where I want to be.
So, if here is where I am to stay, or if this is where I choose to stay,
then I know that my energy is enough to keep my dreams afloat, and you —
you are the balance to my sails when the weather is rough—and somehow,
I think we both always knew this . . .
So help me, God.
Thank you for yesterday.
The Written Addiction 