What do you want?
I think this is a simple question. I think there is more than one answer to this question. I also think this question comes in multiple parts. However, as far as being simple, I think the answers to this are simple too.
I think the requirements are simple. The actions are simple enough as well. But no one will ever tell you that all of this will be easy. This might not be as bad as it seems. The action and our efforts might be intimidating and the ideas of mistakes and failures can cause us to become layered by the see-thru films of intimidation.
But either way, the answers and the questions are simple enough.
We might not like our choices. But that does not mean we don’t have choices. There is always going to be a choice, or more namely, the choice is either quit or continue.
The rest is up to us.
Move or submit.
Surrender or conquer.
What do we want to do?
What do we want?
We have to have an idea. We have to have a reason. We have to have something that inspires us.
Otherwise, why bother?
We need to find a moving spirit or something to act like a source of fuel.
We have to find something to serve as our primary motivation, or to motivate our soul, we need to look, seek, and find the best source of light.
So we can see.
We have to have a vision. We have to know where to find our light because otherwise, what’s the point? What’s the purpose?
What’s the reason behind us waking up, every day, and going through the motions?
We have to have this, at least at minimum, we have to have that spark, no matter how small it might seem.
We have to find something that moves us, otherwise, we run the risk of finding ourselves on the some routine trip, back and forth to some unfulfilling life, or working a job with no passion, no glory, no victory, and nothing else but the stagnant resolution of life without desire.
Who the hell wants that?
I was asked, “What do you want?”
What do you want your life to look like?
What is your North Star?
I loved that last question.
What is your North Star?
What is your guiding light?
I can say that my inspiration has changed drastically over the last year. I have found loss and from the depths of my loss, I had to learn what it means to regain my composure and get up, one more time, just to keep on going on a daily basis.
What do you want?
The answers to this will vary, depending upon the subjects at hand or the intensities of the moment. Then again, there will be days when the sun is shining. People smile. There is warmth for the soul, and nothing is so pressing or so urgent.
There will be days when we are better, or fine, or happy enough to disregard the basic or common details that might put us in a tailspin.
However, there will be days when everything is too heavy. Nothing seems to go right. We want to quit. We find ourselves caught in the magnetic draw of rejective thinking, which are the thoughts that center around blame, shame, guilt, fault and regret.
There are going to be days when the storms in our life appear to be unrelenting. We will be caught in the pains and the hurtful aftermath of our sad and mournful losses. This can and will happen with different people, places, and things. There are going to be disappointments. There will be bouts with pain and loss.
Rest assured that life can and will hit us hard. But nothing can hit is so hard that we cannot or will not get back on our feet.
Again, no one will tell you this is easy. No one will tell you this isn’t going to hurt (or suck) but no one can tell you that this is impossible.
There is no easy street.
Life does not come with a road map. You will make mistakes. You will make changes and take turns to the right or the left, and some days the choices will come with a benefit, and some days the only benefit is to learn not to make that same choice again.
You are going to make choices and for the most part, outcomes are beyond our control.
We can make all the educated guesses we can. but again, outcomes are outcomes.
All we can do is wake up and face the day.
We have to do this on a daily basis.
All we can do is show up, every day, and no matter how unrelenting the situations may be, no matter how tired or weak we feel, we have to be willing to be one step better. Together, we have to be just as unrelenting, if not more.
We have to be unyielding. We have to be constant and continuous. We have to find whatever it is, and find whatever we can, to be our source of truth and hope. By any means necessary, we have to find our source of light to ensure that darkness will not prevail.
Yes, I agree
This is a trick.
What is it that keeps you going?
What causes you to feel the ruckus inside of you?
What is the riot within your heart?
And it’s okay if you can’t see it all completely.
It’s okay to be down or hurt.
It’s definitely okay to not be okay.
But . . .
What brings you back from the dead, regardless of how bad everything is, even if we are at our minimum; what causes you to get up, and get out of bed?
What drives you?
What moves you?
What do you see in your heart that says, “No. I want more!”
I think these questions are more than valid.
I also believe that the answers to these questions are lifesaving.
I believe that at our worst, there has to be a spark, albeit dim at times; but in any case, as long as there is a spark and breath in our lungs, as long as we can get up and defy the smallest odds against us—there is still life in our soul and hope in our heart.
What do you want?
I mean . . .
What do you really want?
If you were able to hit a “stop” button, and if you were to come to the decision that as it stands now, or that your life, as it is, is not what you want it to be—then what are you willing to do to make the difference?
Since we are the authors of our story and since we are the captains of our ship, my next question is what do we want our next chapter to look like? How do we want to navigate from this shore to the next?
If the next chapter is too far ahead or if the shore is too far away, and this is all too big to consider, what about the next page? Or if that’s too much or too far ahead, then what about the next paragraph, or the next sentence.
If we are at sea, so-to-speak, then let’s take this storm, one wave at a time.
I am a fan of the Quote from St. Francis:
“Start by doing what’s necessary, then do what’s possible, and suddenly you’re doing the impossible.”
I do not say this is easy. Then again, no good trick is ever easy.
If the trick was easy, then we would never have the chance to be a magician.
Come to think of it, nothing would be magical, if this were easy.
There is no rabbit coming out of the hat. There are no card tricks. No smoke. No mirrors. There are no magic words and no “abracadabra” or “hocus pocus.”
At the same time, and like any good trick, the outcome is what defies the odds, and this is what leads us to achieve words like “TA-DA!”
So, get ready.
The stage is set.
What do you want?
What do you want the next five minutes to look like?
I want to keep this simple.
Forget about the long term for a minute.
Forget about the big picture.
This doesn’t mean I want to lose sight of the big picture.
But we can pull this back, just for the moment.
What do we want today to look like, and what can we do to make this happen?
What can we do that is within our power?
How can we pull a trick, and no matter if there is adversity, or weight on our chest, or if there are people against us, what can we do?
What can we do to play this hand, regardless of the cards we have, or if the hand is good or bad; what can we do to play this out to the best of our ability?
First, I think it is important to understand what can and what cannot be changes.
We have to know what we have in our box of tricks.
We have to accept what is within our grasp and what is beyond our reach.
We have to be realistic.
We have to accept the obstacles or the problems at hand and then start with what’s necessary because in order for us to pull a trick, we have to know what the trick entails, so we can pull off the impossible.
We have to know what’s around us. We have to know our benefits. We have to understand what weighs against us. Who is on our side, which is namely us; but more, we have to understand who is opposed or who distracts us?
We have to know the ingredients to our personal recipe for success—and then we have to take each step, as they come.
We need to make this into an artform, as if to smoothen the bumps in the road. This is where the magic begins.
I say this because if we can do this, then we can start moving forward. We can move ahead, like a train along the tracks, and we can come from behind. We can move forward, incrementally, and learn to keep going.
We can redefine our position. We can look back and realize that we have created a distance between us and our regrettable yesterdays.
But make no mistake, this is one hell of a trick!
What do you want?
Me?
I want to be free.
I want to be free from the burdens and the remnants of unwanted lies.
I want to be free from my resentments.
I want to rid myself of the wrongs of my past.
I want to find that station in life where forgiveness outweighs the insults and the injuries.
I want to be rid of the unwanted intrusions and let go of what took place and, at last, I want to rid myself of the worries and the Karmic debt, and the self-destructive narrative, which leads us to symptoms, like Imposter Syndrome, or Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, Depressive, or Severe, and Social Anxiety Disorder. I want to be free from all the above.
(Who doesn’t?)
I want to rid myself of the cobwebs. I want to pull my trick and clear the skies of my future, so that when I look out at the world ahead of me or when I look back at where I was, I can say yeah! That was me then.
But this is who I am now.
There is no moving backwards.
There is only room to go forward.
So?
I guess we might as well start with what’s possible.
I want to start here because what I want to do is to pull a trick, so I can defy the impossible.
At least, this is how I have to see it.
Good morning, New World.
You and I have a date today.
I have some odds I need to defy and some predictions I need to correct.
But either way, you and I still have a date today.
Are you ready?
Good.
Let’s go.
The Written Addiction 