Pulling a Trick – Entry Ten

I don’t believe that everyone understands. But this doesn’t mean that everyone needs to.
I see things the way I see them and you see things the way you see them.
And that’s fine.
No, really.
It’s fine.
I don’t believe that we need to see the same thing or that we need to know everything. I understand that there was a time when I was young, or new to things and, therefore, I understand that there was a time when I was learning and growing and seeing things for the very first time.

I recall the way I was when I was young, which is subjective, of course. I had no idea what life was about. I had no idea about my future and no way of understanding life without the possibility of experience.
I had no clue. As in, zero.
Then again, there was this weird sense of defiance. I could never admit that I was unsure or afraid. Aside from this, I was already afraid of being stupid or gullible. I was afraid that I was weak or otherwise, the weaker of the herd. Therefore, in the case of survival of the fittest, I was neither fit nor sure that I would be able to survive.
I’m not sure why this is or why this happened. I’ve never been too sure why there is such a tremendous need to be right all the time. I understand that we are social creatures or essentially, we are herd animals. We need people. Admittedly, I can say that I need people as well.
I need love. I need understanding. I need warmth for my hand and care for my heart. But all of these are living, breathing things, which means nothing alive can live or breathe or survive in a vacuum.
Life cannot be stable if it is one-sided, or off-balance and regardless of how good a thief can be, a time comes when the dues need to be paid and there is no place safe and nowhere left to run.
Life has a way of catching up with us. The same goes with consequences, which is neither good nor bad. No, consequences are simply a result or an effect, due to an action, a condition, or as it applies to life, a consequence is a result or an effect due to a person, place or thing.

It has taken me a long time to learn this one true thought, which is this:
I make mistakes. Mistakes do not make me.
I understand how people are quick to execute or play judge and jury. I can understand how people believe that they are equipped with the ability to point fingers and assign blame, or persecute, or judge, as if they are the ones who will be accepting tickets on the day of Salvation.
In fairness, no one is so pious. No one is sinless or free from sin. No one is so high and mighty or so righteous. Those who claim to be and find themselves right to be the one who looks down their nose and accuse or condemn, are the same offenders of sin, just like you and I, or anyone else, for that matter.

I make mistakes. Mistakes do not make me.

By the way, I like to think that this is an original Ben Kimmel line, which it could be—maybe, however, I have written this line before, which is intended for me, more than this is for anyone else.
I wrote this as a reminder for myself. I say this openly, of course, which means that you are equally welcome to consider this idea, that is if the thought applies.

I make mistakes. Mistakes don’t make me.
I need to remember this.
However, forgetting is an easy trick.
I forget to remind myself that I am more than the mistakes I’ve made or the thinking errors which bounce around on my head.
I am more than an outside opinion. I am more than the bad words or bad things that someone else might think or say about me.
I more because we are all imperfect. We are all capable of sin and thus, we are all capable of mistakes, crimes and errors of the heart.
I am no better nor worse.
I am no different.
We are all imperfect beings, and each of us are trying to pull a trick of some kind.
We are all looking for that right fit and that place in the circle.
No one wants to be left out or not included.
No one wants to be rejected or hurt. But life does not coincide with this. More importantly, life throws kicks and punches, low-blows, and yes, “life on life’s terms” can kick us in the ass, every once in a while.

The trick here is to find the secret of our own endurance. Another trick is to silence the big-mouth whispers that lead us towards irrational thinking and biased ideas.
The bigger trick is to remove emotional and irrational thinking and to use logic instead of passion.
Yes, I said passion.
Passion is a great thing.
Passion is the fire within. However, misled passion can also be a distraction.
We have to move with a goal, a plan, and a strategy to achieve this.

We have to learn to both navigate and negotiate the paths ahead of us without the misdirection of chaotic predictions and thinking errors that set us up for failure.
We have to avoid the harassment of an unwanted internal dialogue.

I mentioned the word “Stop!” the other day.
And for this exercise, I would like you to envision a long, open road with green trees and mountains ahead. The road is quiet and long. The sky is blue and clear and the sun is bright. The air is crisp, which means the wind is neither too warm nor too cold, but perfect, as in just right.
I want you to think about a sign that is approaching you.
“STOP!”
The sign is not unlike any other stop sign.
There are no oncoming cars nor anything coming at you from any other direction.
The sign is more of a symbol than a direction.
“STOP!”
Let the world come to a pause.
Give the dilemma a second, and let the dramas pass like the wind which blows down the hills and and puts motion to the leaves in the trees.

I like this vision.
I like the slow motion movements in my mind, which allow me to disassociate myself from the unwanted dilemmas and distance myself from the static and resistance of hostile surroundings.
STOP!
I think this word is powerful. However, there is a combination of two small words that when put together, this marks a decision, like an exclamation point.
The two words are very simple.
No More!
I love these words.
No More!

As in, no more pain. No more sadness. No more submissions to unwanted things and no more giving in or giving myself away to thoughts, items, or people, places and things.
No More!
I see the value in these words and claim that the power behind them, when said to their best and fullest extent is insurmountable. As in, once we say the words, “No More!” we can move on and grow or we can leave the past where it belongs, which is behind us.
No More!”
The can become our war cry.

I find that by saying the words, “No More!” out loud, can enforce the stop or the pause or better yet, the words, “No More!” can encourage an all-out change which can literally help us choose to restart our life.
This can be all the charge we need, and like a paused heart in need of a shock to resume the beat—the meaning behind the words “No More!” can charge life back into the waste of an abandoned heart and yes, this can breathe life back into the lungs of a broken soul.

There are no more excuses. There is no more time to waste.
There is only the action of magic, which is us –
pulling off a trick.

I recall something Mom used to type when she tried out a new typewriter.
“Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.”
I’ve always loved this quote.

I know there is a story behind the quote too, but this is not about that story. More to the point, and spoken as a man, I want to be good.
I want to stand tall and not allow the breaks in my spirit to degrade the strength in my posture.
Chin up, chest out, and shoulders up.
Stand tall.
I want to be better than my mistakes and better than my actions. I want more.
I want to rise above myself and surpass my limitations.
I want to grow and be and create and build. I do not want to allow anyone or anything to degrade me or to soften my spirit to something weak.

I don’t believe that everyone experiences life the same way.
I see things my way and you see things yours. There are three sides to every story, or maybe there are more.
There’s my side. Then there’s your side. Then there’s the truth, and then there’s the difference of outside interpretation. However, truth is truth, no matter how we interpret it.
Any variation of truth is no longer true, but subjective. Hence, this is now just a matter of opinion.
By the way –
This is not a bad thing, by any means.
No, in fact, I think this allows me to realize that it is okay to be different or unique. I am far from perfect. By the way, you are just as far from perfect too. No one has the right to judge, yet we all do.
(Don’t we?)
I don’t mind that we are not the same.

I think the world needs more diversity, which is not to use this word as the typical coined phrase, which I see used when I am in the corporate world—and I don’t mean this in the racial sense or the gender baiting conversations.
We are all unique individuals.
And that’s fine.
No, really.
It is.

We need to be different. We need to have our own seasoning and our own flavor.
Otherwise, life would be bland.

And who the hell wants that?

I cannot withstand another day, thinking too deeply or worrying too much about a life that exists beyond my control. I cannot wait for the flowers to grow. I can’t wait for life to be easy before I choose to make my move, and no, I can’t wait for the crowd to be kind, just so I’m comfortable enough with my performance, so I can I try to pull off my trick.

It is a trick to realize that life comes with its own seasoning.
We come with our own levels of awareness and realization.
This is true.
I am no better than anyone.
And I’m tired of believing that others are better than me.
But, in all fairness, we are not all born equal.
We all have different talents. We are all unique in the sense where I am good in one direction and you are good in another.

I am not equal to a star center on a professional basketball team. I am not equal to the best quarterback in football.
I might not be the next best writer. And to some people, I might not be the next good writer.
But hey, fuck’em,
at least I am here.

I am not always so quick to learn. I have some maturing to do.
I have some growing to do. I have to learn and unlearn, and I have to be relentless when it comes to getting up, showing up, and regardless of the crowd or the cheers and the lack thereof, I have to be unforgivably dedicated to my life and the specialty of my craft. Thus, I have to be willing to put everything on the line.
No questions asked.
I have to be willing to give as much as I have, each day, and no matter how tired I am, or hurt and bruised, and no matter how beaten I may think I am, or how winless or hopeless a situation may seem—no matter what, I have to get up and go.
I have to realize that mistakes do not make me. Situations do not make me. Accidents do not make me. And heartbreaks do not make me. Outside opinions do not make me nor can I allow them to limit me.
No, what makes me is what I choose to do despite the adversity. What makes me is how I choose to rise, even if I am alone, or even if everyone else in the world puts my life to a vote and chooses against me—what makes me who I am is not the power or the sway of the crowd, but what really makes me is the resiliency which comes from within.

This is what makes me. This is who I am.
I am not done or finished, and I am not condemned by anyone so powerful that I cannot repair, fix or redeem myself.
I might not always succeed in my endeavors.
But I will never succeed in anything if I refuse to do what it takes to give my life a shot, and make my life so, by any means necessary.
No one can stop me from improving my life.
To me, this is the greatest trick of all.
This trick is to be able to get up when counted out, and to continue when everyone else swore that you would quit.

But I can tell you this right now.

I DID NOT QUIT.
Just because I changed my direction or just because life changed my situation is different, no matter what anyone tells me: I DID NOT QUIT.
I have not given in. I have not traded myself away or given up.
I have not allowed outside opinion to rule over me, like some unwanted law from an unwanted body of government. I have come to the needed realization that you can’t fight the world, but life is something that is worth fighting for.

No matter what. I stayed the course.
I did not quit –
I did not give way –
I did not give in –
Even when life changed and my situation was different and nothing was comfortable or the same, I chose to move on.
But I did not quit and I did not give in.

Did you?
The truth is only you know the answer to this question –
and if you’re not a fan of your choices or your situation and the outcomes, maybe the answer is because you quit a long time ago, and now the consequences you face appear to have cost you everything.

You know what?
I’d rather risk it all and gain something then risk nothing and lose everything.
But what do I know?
That’s just me.