Why are we afraid to change?
Why are we afraid to move forward or let go of the obvious things? Why are we afraid to let go of the ideas that either hurt us or held us back?
I think these are both fair and relatable questions.
If we are like a machine, or if we want to move like a machine and be smooth, then how are we able to find a sense of personal cohesion?
How do we move without intimidation?
Better yet, if we want to perfect what we do, than how do we remove the hiccups that create delays or cause us to fail at our moments of opportunity.
We have to move. We have to flow.
Of course, we do.
We have to either ignore or defy all of the said glitches in our system so that we can flow or move smoothly.
But how?
What are the bumps or the glitches in our system?
This is the art of the trick.
We have to remove the clumsiness or the awkward steps that take away from our skill.
We have to remove the problems that cause our symptoms and throw off our timing.
And timing?
There is timing in motion and in life.
Sometimes, the only time is now. If not now, then when?
To hell with the right time.
The best time is now.
To hell with all of the excuses.
Move. Act.
Start now and go!
The fact remains that when it comes to change or when it comes to reaching your dreams and achieving your goals, now is always the right time to make a move.
Now is the time to take the actions that set your course and now is the time to choose your path.
Do this.
Take the steps you need to reach your next best level, act accordingly, and remember, each time you move forward, you will never slide back to the beginning.
No, you are not a beginner anymore.
You are not starting from square one or ground zero.
You have far too much experience now, which is not the problem.
No, the problem is confidence and your trust in yourself.
This is what throws your timing off.
Overthinking . . it’s a bitch!
Why do we hold fears higher than we hold our triumphs?
Again, this is a great question.
Why do we list our faults and flaws more than we focus on our more notable successes?
Are successes less enjoyable to think about?
Obviously not, but we recall pain more out of fear-based consumption.
We are worried that we will feel the strangle of humiliation.
Why is it important to understand fear as equally as it is to understand the bravery it takes to face the challenges of discomfort?
The reason is simple.
We have a choice.
We can live in fear or we can live regardless of fear.
Simple . .
Not easy.
In fairness, we are more capable than we believe. No one in the world can pull our trick.
No, this one is ours.
Yet, we are good at holding on to the worries and the symptoms that degrade our body’s ability to move.
We remember our faults and failures as if they are a prediction of us or who we are.
But this is not true.
We make mistakes.
Mistakes do not make us.
(Unless we let them.)
No one can pull a trick if they are distracted.
Distractions refuse to allow us the right to flow in such a way, as in “to act,” or as if to progress from the beginning to end, and to do this both, clean and smooth, without the drawbacks of overthinking.
Could you imagine that?
Could you imagine life without overthinking or without the drawbacks of worry that your shot might be awkward or your words and actions appear to be flawed.
I have been told not to think.
Just act. Just move.
Let this become rule and let yourself flow.
Start slow until you master your steps, and then you can pick up speed.
And then you can perfect your moves until the moves become habit.
I have been told that there are stages in which each move is accomplished.
I believe this is true.
As someone who has been training in self-defense, I can see this more now than ever before.
I can see how overthinking leaves room for open gaps and gaps create space and moreover, when I use the analogy of life as it compares to Jiu-Jitsu, I can see how these openings give room to allow for my opponent’s escape.
Essentially, I see how this causes me to use energy without being efficient. Thus, when I have the chance to change position or if I have an opening to advance, I worked hard for this, but what’s it worth if I leave gaps or openings to allow for another escape?
Move and move smart.
I understand the need to learn. I understand the need to create a sense of muscle memory, as if to perfect the stages of each movement, as if to form this in some mathematic equation. More to the point, I know there are steps and stages to each movement—but the point is to move and move quickly, move smart, and flow. Do not overthink. Do not give space or allow for gaps.
Keep this tight and learn the basic steps of each move.
Start slowly.
Then you evolve and then you advance.
Additionally, I understand the weight of intimidation.
I know about this all too well.
I understand the intimidation of loss or the fears of not working, not making it, or in the end, I understand the worries and the degrading factors of humiliation. Or worse than anything else—I understand the darker fears which are the fears that cause people to turn inward before their competition starts. I know about this because I understand the weight and destruction of shame.
And more, I understand the deterrence of anticipation whereas, if we worry that we are going to lose or if we shoot and we miss because we allow distraction to throw off our timing, or if we believe so dearly in something so great and later find out that none of this was real to begin with; I understand that debilitating aspects of humiliation and betrayal. I understand the anticipatory worry that all of this will fall apart, and then what?
Loneliness?
Perpetual failure?
Or is it the unrelenting shame of not being good enough?
I have seen people betray themselves before allowing anyone else to betray them first.
I have watched people fail to the painful submission “of self” before being submitted to the acts of life.
They lost before they started.
I have witnessed people lose to intimidation.
I have seen people fail before they launched.
No lift off.
No trying.
Just a sad surrender and weak submission.
Nothing else.
I have witnessed people psyche themselves out of the game or lose to life’s challenges.
Either they assume they’re down on the score cards and a comeback is too impossible to conceive.
Or if they’re down on their backs, the idea to fight from their back or to turn the tides or to advance appears to be an impossibility.
Therefore, they wait for strikes or the knockout blows to do their damage, this way they can be knocked out or lose with an excuse.
Or they wait for their failures to manifest, or in the case of this analogy while comparing life to Jiu-Jitsu, I have seen people forfeit to escapable submissions.
I’ve seen people do this simply because they did not believe in their ability to fight their way free.
Or maybe the idea of loss intimidated them to the point where all they needed was an excuse—and so, they took whatever exit they could—just to end the physical match.
But rest assured, the emotional match goes on.
And this kind of loss could go on forever.
If we allow it to
I say this as a person who is conflicted and guilty of the above.
I have lost to my ideas of social, educational and positional snobbery.
I have lost to my own doubts. I lose to beliefs that I am somehow a fake or a fraud, or that I am simply an imposter and at any given moment, I will undergo the worst exposure of all.
This opens me up to the tyranny of humiliation and judgment like it was when I was laughed at in a classroom for stuttering as I read in front of the classroom, or as it was the time I had an accident in the lunchroom in second grade and I pissed in my pants and, to me, it seemed like everybody knew what happened, and as if EVERYBODY was laughing, and I do mean EVERYBODY. Lastly, in an effort to avoid pain or to remember what hurt me worse, the mind has a way or evaluating danger, even if there is none. Hence, the anxiety machine takes off and leads us to malfunction.
This is why we hold our fears tighter than we hold the victories it takes to overcome them.
How are you ever going to pull a trick if fear keeps you from taking center stage?
How are you going to allow yourself the right to create a flow if all you do is question each move at every turn?
And if timing is the key to any or all movements, and to free us from the clunky nature of poor timing?
Move.
Stop overthinking.
Stop thinking about every possible thing that could or can or will go wrong.
Pull off your trick.
If this is what you want to do, or if you want to move and to move freely, or if you want to be free from the burdens of doubt, and free from the voices of insecure warnings, then move and defy them all, one whisper at a time.
There are only a few people who can and will inspire you to move in such a way.
Their love is enough to make you unbeatable. And even if you lose, there are only a few people who can make that loss seem like a gain.
And they are the truest godsend.
In fairness and in loyalty to my strengths, I admit that I am weak.
I am small. I am not who I appear nor am I comfortable or confident.
I have allowed myself to surrender to escapable submissions.
I lose due to a lack of belief or as a result of low self-esteem.
I have lost as a result or a lack of confidence.
I have lost to beatable opponents, all because I lost before the match even started.
Therefore, I lost to my head.
Most of all, I lost to my ideas of self. I lost to my lack of understanding. I gave in to outside predictions. I invested in the external insults and the words which I have stored and compiled. like a list on my mental blackboard.
I have been called a loser. I’ve been called worse.
But the real loss is when I’ve allowed these predictions or opinions to become true.
Anyone who loves you will be sure to let you know that you are the best person in the world.
No one in this world can do what you do or make people feel the way you do.
No one can change a room like you, just because you walked in –and smiled.
I don’t mind losing a match.
Losing is just a mindset, whereas this is not a loss, but a gain because nothing can stop you when you are at your best.
There is no loss like the loss that happens when our mind beats us first.
I know this.
I have seen what occurs when this takes place.
I’ve seen me at my worst which, of course, human nature causes me to note our losses more than I mark down my successes.
I’ve had enough losses. I’ve had enough forfeits to escapable submissions.
I’ve given up against beatable competitors and yes, I have invested in words and terms like the insults I’ve been given. I listened when someone called me a loser or told me that I am stupid.
Never allow yourself to be the beast that someone claims you to be.
I love this suggestion.
Then again, unless that beast is a winner. Or unless they mean “beast” in the greatest regard—never allow someone the right to predict your losses and make them come true.
It’s okay to change.
It’s okay to let go.
It’s okay to rest and realize that life pulls tricks too.
We can’t give in to illusions.
We have to move.
No matter what.
No more time for overthinking
It’s time to move –
either that
or just prepare for more of the same.
Do you know what I say?
Fuck that!
It’s time to move.
The Written Addiction 