The truth of the matter is everyone has a breaking point.
We all have a limit or threshold or tolerance, and yes, we can only take so much.
The mind and body are intertwined.
Pain hurts, but pain can be relative.
We all have limits. We all have a line in the sand. We have standards and morals. However, I am here to ensure that rational thinking can be misled by irrational ideas. I have seen this become so, especially when it comes to loss.
Or even with the threat of loss, the mind can panic and sane thinking can easily give way to insane ideas.
No one talks about this.
But it’s easy to be crazy.
This is more than just reaching the breaking point and more than us throwing a tantrum. This has more to do with fear or the fear of absence and fears of pain.
This is a direct link to what I call the five fingers of rejective thinking.
Blame, shame, fault, guilt and regret each represent a finger which becomes the fist that we use to beat ourselves up with.
No one asks to be hurt. No one asks to be betrayed or to find out that someone talked about them behind their backs. No one wants to be the fool or find out that everything they believed was a lie.
At the same time, no one is so innocent.
We all have a selfish side. The same as other people have a higher threshold for pain, some people have a tolerance for cruelty, and some people can maintain themselves, and still be good at heart, no matter what the consequences are.
I know that I can be a good person. In fact, I am a good person, but I can be capable of bad things when my thoughts take control or drive me insane.
There is a word that i think needs to be mentioned. I believe this word is part of life as well as part of the production of what comes next.
Loss . . .
Everyone knows what it’s like to lose someone or something.
We know what loss is.
However, worse than death is to be alive and mourn the loss of your own life, and worse than someone dying is living with the separation from someone or something,, which is like a death only they are very much alive and with every breath is an assumption that perhaps something about us is faulted or that we are the common denominator.
Rather than assume our part in our selection of who we choose, or why, or who we’ve trusted or why, and instead of checking our own inventory, we look at the rejective side or the regrettable side.
But what if this is just a lesson and there is something better awaiting on the horizon?
I would like to trace the outlines of my past and draw the challenges that come from my trauma.
I want to do this now, regardless of my shame or the fears that this will hurt and that, sure, this will accentuate my flaws, but rather than collect the memories of our regrettable yesterdays, what if I allowed this to act as a springboard? What if I were to see this as an opportunity?
What if an unfortunate turn was actually a gift, or what if something happened to me because I didn’t have the balls to make a decision?
Maybe the obstacle is only a springboard which I can use and take the leap of faith and make the jump to have the life I have always wanted.
I want to outline the inaccuracies and recognize the imperfections and flaws of my thinking.
I want to rid myself from the errors that have drawn the wrong conclusions. To be better, I have to escape the ideas that are inaccurate or distorted by the deception of my perception.
Loss . . .
This is one of the most painful parts of life.
Worse are the afterthoughts and insecure ideas which lead us to try and see who is to blame, or rather than assuming something wasn’t fit, or that people, places, and things have a way of running their own course, or that some people are not meant to be in our life; what if instead of punishing ourselves while trying to find accountability; what if we realized that this is part of life, and while life can hurt, nothing can kill us unless we allow it.
Is it me?
Is it you?
Would life be better if I were different?
Would people like me more if I was someone else?
What if I stopped living in my own head?
What if I stop imagining the worst possible scenarios?
What if I became my best friend instead of living as my own worst enemy?
I could do that too, no?
So could you . . .
I often mention the internal narrative and acknowledged that we talk to ourselves far more than we talk to anyone else in this world.
Therefore, maybe it makes sense that we should talk nicely.
Be kind to yourself.
This sounds like a good idea.
Perhaps, we need to be our own advocate, which is not to say that we have to live in a false sense of reality and stroke our own ego.
Remember, ego kills.
However, what if we were to take an honest look and at the end of each day, what would it look like if we came to a constructive conclusion instead of living harsh criticisms?
Loss is part of life.
Therefore, what if the losses from yesterday were the only doorway that leads us to tomorrow’s victory? What if our so-called failures were the key to our future success?
If I lost all my money today, would I be upset about it if I knew that I would make it back, ten times over, the very next day?
I understand the saying that when one door closes, then another door opens.
I understand that sometimes, a harsh ending can open up to a brand-new beginning.
But I get it.
Loss hurts.
Fear sucks.
You can’t see the forest from the trees.
“No one knows the hour or the day,” is what I was told.
No one knows when fate is going to take a swing.
But –
What if the best is yet to come?
What if we chose to look ahead rather than harp on the past?
What if we stopped lamenting about things that are out of our control?
There are certain losses that we cannot endure, such as the loss of sight or touch.
Consider what it might be like to experience the loss of sound or imagine the unexpected theft of joy.
Think about the loss of love.
Think about the immediate change or the dismissal of life as we know it, and all of a sudden, everything we knew and every bit of comfort was taken away.
Think about this.
Think about the worst kind of thefts or worse, think about larceny of the heart and soul or consider the ultimate deprival of light and hope.
Think about what it feels like to be absolutely crushed.
Think about life or life’s events or think about when life turns sour. Or better, consider the common battles with adversity, or think about how life’s terms come along; and next, the bottom falls from beneath us, and when we fall down, think about the punishment that comes with the lost desire to live or love, or to laugh and learn.
Like I said, everyone has a breaking point.
We all have our own threshold for pain.
There are certain losses that can be impossible to endure. In the ultimate cry of hopelessness, we have nothing left and worse, the last threads of sanity have unraveled because we have reached our breaking point.
I have been here before,
many times.
It is inaccurate to say that we are impenetrable. We all have weak moments. We all have vulnerabilities.
We cannot take ownership for someone else’s crime nor can we blame ourselves if someone took advantage, or lied, or simply put, we cannot beat ourselves because of other people.
Easier said than done. I understand,
but this does not make my point less true.
At my worst, I remember sitting in a small cell with the worst kind of people. I was at my bottom, or at least at one of them. I was at my lowest and to my estimation, nothing good was going to come from this.
But this was untrue.
I think of people who believed that they would have a path to a good life.
But life changed.
I think about how people believed that they were following the right blueprint for their life, until life decided to turn on the light, and finally, they were able to see.
After all, I’m sure I’m not the only one who understands what it means to live in the dark.
Am I?
I submit that life has a way of correcting itself. I submit that we can steer the ship of life from a subconscious perspective, and maybe, maybe this is why we set ourselves up to crash or burn.
Maybe we know that we want more.
Maybe this is our mind screaming out, “Enough of this shit!!”
And maybe we know that we took a trade or that we settled and, in the end, maybe we realize that the settlement was simply not enough to satisfy our hopes.
Or wait, maybe our needs are not being met, and slowly, we start to unravel one thread at a time.
Maybe this is how we drive ourselves crazy.
Or, wait . . .
Maybe our self-sabotage or self-destructive choices are just a subconscious scream, which is loud enough to shout, “I don’t want this anymore!”
So, we blow it all away.
Maybe the current mishaps are not mishaps at all. More to the point, maybe our subconscious awareness is at a level that we know we want more. We know we are not where we want to be.
We know it, but we have a hard time admitting to the truth.
Maybe life happens because we weren’t brave enough to make the decision. Rather than lament, or instead of complaining, maybe there is something on the way.
Maybe there is something in the mail.
Only, we have no idea. We have no clue that a bigger and greater picture is coming, and once it does, maybe, at last, we are bound for the greatness we have always hoped for.
Sure, pain hurts.
That’s what it’s supposed to do.
But fear and pain can be excellent motivators.
We can either be motivated to run away.
We can try and push the pain down and try our best to deny it.
Or we can feel what we feel and realize, “to hell with this!”
Then, we can make the ultimate decision to change and rebuild from here.
I have no crystal ball.
I can’t tell the future.
But I can give it a go.
I can get back up, by any means possible.
I can make sure that I get up the next morning and go at it one more time.
So, okay life . . .
This is how you want to play it?
That’s okay . . .
Just let me finish this last sip of coffee.
And, do you know what?
I’m all in.
So, ante up fellas.
The next hand is gonna be a winner.
The Written Addiction 