We all know that life happens. Life comes with twists and turns, and even more; life comes with peaks and valleys. Of course, when we least expect it, life shows up to remind us that we can either be strong, or we can cower and hide or be weak and submit.
Life happens.
We all know this
Life happens, which is the nicer way of saying that shit happens, and when it does, what are you going to do?
What is the difference between someone who succeeds as opposed to someone who stands by and watches their life sink into an abysmal waste?
What is it that sets us apart?
I know there will always be someone out there who looks to tell you not to quit. They’ll tell you this like it’s an easy thing.
Don’t quit before the miracle happens.
Don’t give up, no matter how tired you are or how much this hurts.
Do not give in.
Do not go gently and do not sink into that silent submission.
Life happens, of course it does.
Be assured that there is almost always someone out there who will come along to tell you how you’re strong.
“You’re so strong . . .”
Maybe you are.
Maybe I am too.
But to be fair, maybe I would rather be happy than strong.
You know?
Sure, I admit that it takes strength to be happy, especially when standing in the face of adversity.
Or what about the times when you are sinking into the quicksand of betrayal?
It takes more than endurance to withstand the hardships we face, and it takes more than love, and more than patience to endure. It takes a certain fortitude to be happy, despite the pain.
I agree.
Let’s be honest, life happens and when it does, it takes everything within our being to tolerate the world around us.
I’m sure.
However, I never tell people “You’re so strong!”
At least, I can’t say this is my “go to” line to start the conversation.
I don’t say this because I know what it feels like when everyone tells me about my strength, yet, in my heart, I feel anything but strong.
I never tell people how I don’t know how they make it through and if it were me, I would fall apart.
I never say this because their adversity has nothing to do with me.
I know how it is to be tested.
I know what it’s like when I can’t stand or get out of bed.
I am not thinking, hey, look at me. I’m so strong.
No. . .
I’m thinking:
I am weak. I am being tested.
I am at my wit’s end, and then what?
Without fail, someone comes along with the intent to do well, which is kind, I know.
But oftentimes, people fail to realize that the best thing for anyone to say is hello, I love you, or maybe say nothing at all.
Maybe talk about anything else but what’s going on.
Maybe the best thing to say is nothing and just be there when needed.
But for some reason, we are imperfect as a species, and although we understand that words are not always helpful, we still look to find the right thing to say.
This is amazing to me. I recall giving a eulogy at my Mother’s funeral and with a clear message, I told people how there is no right thing to say. Do not look to find the right words. And I said this to a sea of nodding heads who agreed with my point.
Then what happened?
I stood up front with a line of people that ranged from family to friends and although they nodded when I explained that there are no right words to say, each and every one of them failed to listen and almost every one of them (except for a small few) tried to find the right words to say.
We fail to understand that words can do more harm than we think.
Even if our intent is good, this doesn’t mean that our intentions help.
Yet we try, and we push, and we want people to know, hey, we love you—but there is something that we fail to see, which is if we do this and we push because we want to be helpful, then we fail to realize that we are making this about us, and not about the person in need.
Life is happening. Right now.
Our choices of what to do with this are going to dictate and determine how we get through this.
Or if (and when) we get through this and when we find ourselves on the other side of the storm, what we do now to handle our adversity is going to be our memory of how we learned to withstand, even when we swore that we couldn’t stand for another minute or take another step.
Life can be crazy.
We are capable of making harsh, or rash, or crazy decisions.
We are capable of wild insanity and of an outrage that goes beyond proportion.
We can either create and build or hate and destroy.
We can cry. We can scream.
We can shout in pain, or we can yell and shake our fists at the sky.
We all have the right to do this.
We can endure and withstand. We can be pushed to the limits and tested in ways that go beyond compare.
Are we strong?
Of course we are.
Would we prefer to be less strong and happy?
I’m sure, we would.
I can say that I have fought, and I have argued.
I have done miserable things. I have said angry and mean-spirited words and yes, I have hit below the belt.
However, I have been on the receiving end of this as well.
I have been hurt. I have been told terrible things that are both painful and unerasable.
I have been told things, like I should run into traffic or do the world a favor.
I know what it’s like to hear hateful words from people who are supposed to love us.
And like I said, I know what fights are.
I know all about emotional warfare. I know about the emotional chaos and about the heartache and heartbreak that comes with insults.
I know about things that can’t be taken back and that leave behind an irreversible damage—and sometimes, things cannot be fixed.
This is life.
Sometimes, life is too altered to readjust, and in the aftermath and during the moments of awareness, I find myself in a bit if a quandary.
I ask myself: Are the things I was fighting about really worth fighting for?
I understand the normal and natural need to be right.
I also understand the need to be validated, and on the other side of the spectrum, I understand that no one wants to be wrong and how apologies can be uncomfortable and humble.
And yes, I am humble.
Or if not, I am humbled and brought back down to ground level and as a result, I am reborn to a new level of awareness.
I understand that this is life.
Some days are better than others.
And wait for it, because I have news.
Some people are better than others as well. Sometimes, the greatest people can turn out to be the worst and even better, along comes someone better and someone unexpected walks in, like an angel on earth.
I don’t know where this goes from here. I don’t know how many entries this journal will have. I suppose I will close this by the end of the year, which is sooner, rather than later.
I don’t know what this next year will bring me.
And I don’t know how strong I am, or if I want to be strong at all.
No, I think I’d be fine to be weak, so long as I could be happy.
But then again, it takes strength to be happy.
So, let me get stronger.
Let me heal.
Let me stand on my own two feet and let me learn the secrets of my endurance.
Let me stand up now so that I can get my day started because like I’ve said to you before, “The only way to it, is through it.”
Trust me.
There is another side.
We just have to survive, for now
and get through this.
Together!
The Written Addiction 