What does it mean to win? Or what does it mean to achieve?
Or what is victory? What is the secret?
Or is there one?
What does it take to keep going, win or lose?
Or what does it mean to wake up and show up, even when the odds are against us?

Or what about this?
What about when the score is stacked the other way?
What does is mean to show up, regardless of the outcome, or regardless of the critics or the comments we get from people who never dared to play?
And of course, what does it take to compete at your best level, no matter what the scoreboards tell you?

It is early, of course, and the rain has made plans to stay with us for most of the week.
It is an odd time of year for me. Christmas.
Then again, I’m sure this is an odd time for a lot of people. I’m sure there are those who are alone or have no reasons to decorate or celebrate this time of year.
Either way, the sun only stays with us for a little while during the winter months.
The sky is dark by quitting time, which means that I leave before daybreak and then I’m home after sunset.
Yesterday was gray.
Something new was born. Something old passed away or moved on to a different plane of existence.
Meanwhile, I have been told that there are no certainties in life.
However, and respectfully, I beg to differ.

I admit to being one of those people who are up late at night and scrolling through the social media feeds. I am often awake and looking at some of the more positive quotes too, and some of them come at the right time.
More to the point, I will use last night as a perfect example. And sure, I swear the social media gods have their ears open because their timing is impeccable.
I read the words, “be brave enough to suck at something new.”
I love this quote.
I love the realization and freedom behind this idea.

I have heard people talk about their natural highs or ways to release endorphins and help improve their moods. However, and I have to admit that in all fairness, I never believed these things.
I never believed in the so-called natural highs, at least not as much as I believed in the chemical recipes. I admit to being skeptical or maybe I was just the cynical one who never imagined that something like this could work.
And could it?

I have read stories about the starving artists. I read about how they lived most of their lives unheard of or unknown. I have read stories from different poets and writers about their years of rejection and, through it all, I can relate to the aches and pains. I can relate to the frequent bouts with hopeless rants that take place when we are alone or when the world turns in a poor direction.
I can relate to the words, “I quit!” Yet, somehow, I come back around the next day to ante up again, and see where the day takes me.
Do you know what else I think about?
I think about words.  

We are moving towards the end of the year, which means that we are closer to a day where the world changes, at least for the moment. People are kinder.
Families gather and people exchange gifts, and for the while, there is a spirit of hope and goodwill to all.
There is a song that sings, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

I cannot say that I have always appreciated the Christmas season.  I have memoires and moments and times where I experienced loss, or most of all, I remember back in 1989 when The Old Man was in the hospital on Christmas Eve.
I remember this well.

My whole life . . .
I have always wanted to be someone.
Of course, my words may come up short when I say this, but I have always wanted to be someone.
I want to do something more than just live an average life.
I have always wanted to do more than an average or an everyday thing. This is not about pride or ego or needing to be better than anyone else.
No, I can’t say that this is anything more than I have always wanted to “be!”
I’ve always had the drive. I’ve always had passion, but I have also lived a very real life. Sure, I have survived moments that have muted and dulled an otherwise brilliant truth, which is me.

As the saying goes, if you don’t know, then you just don’t know, which is fine by the way.
No one says this out loud but it’s okay to see the world differently. It’s okay to be different and the truth is different does not mean better or worse. No, different just means different.
So?

I suppose I have always seen the world from a different perspective. Then again, there is no proof that two people see things the exact same way.
I often bring up the fact that I will never know what the color blue looks like to you. For all we know, we can see the same thing but blue can be something else to you.
All we know is what we are taught.

They say that something happens. They say that a moment comes, and perhaps this comes in different ways for different people. But a moment comes when your eyes are open. You see things from a deeper perspective. Or perhaps this is what they call a spiritual awakening. For the moment, I can’t say if I have always found this as something holy or if there was some great sense of divinity.
But maybe.