So, I Hear You Want to Help People – Intro

I am a fan of change or more to the point, I am more a fan of transformational changes of the way we are, or the way we think and, of course, I am a huge fan when it comes to the results or how they change the way we act. I believe these changes are lifesaving, or can be.
However, transformational change is far from easy. The tasks can vary, and the steps involved can be painstaking or tedious and, of course, this can be painful and seemingly thankless.
There are times when there is no result in sight.
There are times when the results we find are either limited or less than inspiring. And, of course, there is the ever-growing excuse machine that can distract from our goals.

But why?
Why do people quit?
Why do we quit on ourselves when we know we want more?

Do we quit because we can’t do it?
Do we quit because we aren’t good enough?
Is this idea based on truth or is this based on a belief system?
Think about this.
Why do people quit on themselves?
Is this a thought system that is based on lies and insecurity?
Seriously, think about this.
Think about how this might relate to you, when or if you’ve ever quit on yourself.
Why do people give up on their diets?
Why do people quit their exercise routines?

Is this because the rewards system is not satisfied enough?
I mean, we can all relate to indulging on a favorite meal. I can’t say that my weightless efforts have come up with meals that satisfy my old needs. But this is why I created new needs.
Why do people quit at this?
Do they quit because they think they can’t do it?
Or is this because we don’t believe the reward system will ever be satisfied?

Do people quit because of a belief that tells us, no matter what we do, no matter what happens. or how hard we try, we will never reach our goals or make our dreams come true. Therefore, since the effort seems so big and the rewards seem so small; is this the reason why people give up on themselves?

I have been on both sides of this path. I have been a sideline coach, cheering for people to push themselves and hoping they find their secrets to their own endurance.
I have also been the person who has quit, and yes, I have quit on myself, more than once.

I have witnessed and experienced the success of achievement, which can range from mild to amazing. I have witnessed the fall from grace and seen the backsliding natures of someone who lost 60lbs and gained back 80.
Hi, my name is Ben.
That was me. . .
I have had the opportunity of working with others who found themselves both down and out and in unthinkable territory. In the murk of their beginning, I have watched others and experienced the meaning of drowning in thin air.
Or as it was to me; I have experienced the feeling of emotional quicksand, to which, the harder I tried to escape, it only seemed to make me sink deeper and drown in the anxiety and the anticipation of life becoming worse, not better.

This is going to be an interactive journal.
We are going to work together and talk about transformational change. This will help us help ourselves; and more, this will help us learn to interact with others and be helpful with others as well.
Our main priority is to address our belief system.
This has to come first.
We have to understand the steps of change, which are going to vary depending upon the change itself. Some changes are less intrusive or difficult, and some changes are going to require more effort and more of an investment.

We have to understand that there are different parts and different stages when it comes to making a transformational change. I agree with an ever-famous suggestion that teachers, “Progress, not perfection,” however, as we move and grow, we tend to overlook our improvements. Oftentimes, we fail to notice that we slowly learn to master our changes.

You are not a beginner forever. That’s the first thing we need to understand. We might not advance as quickly as we would like, and nobody will begin their craft with perfect form.

We are not all created the same and we are not always equal in all categories. And no, I will never play on a professional basketball team. I will never play any professional sports at this point in my life.
I am a fan of martial arts, and while I train to learn and perfect the steps and movements in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, I have no thoughts that I will compete at a professional level.

This does not mean that I should not train nor does this mean that I should not try and compete. In fact, there are competitions with people of my age, 50 and above. Like me, there are people who are interested in improving themselves.

There has to be a realistic value in our goals. And again, I will reuse some of my older acronyms, which I have used in some of my professional development and wellness classes.

We have to find our R.A.S.O.
(Realistic, Attainable, and Sustainable Outcome)

We have to be clear and honest with ourselves, and, of course, if we plan to work with others, we have to learn to listen. We have to set Realistic goals and make them Attainable to receive a Sustainable Outcome.
Understand?

We have to learn to listen, which is not always so easy, regardless of which side of the table we sit on, and whether we are the one in need of help, or if we are helping others, we have to learn to listen.

I have offered another acronym which was inspired by some of the powerful lessons that I have learned from professional and transformational coaching.
L.E.A.S.E.
More importantly, I learned how important listening is when working in emergency rooms as a specialist. More importantly, I learned how impactful listening and interacting is when answering phone calls on a suicide hotline.

I often hear people talk about themselves and offer their suggestions about how to be better. Or I have heard people who look to help and think that their opinion or their advice is what makes the change.
But this is not the case.
This is ego.

This is not to say that sharing and relating is not helpful, because selective sharing can be useful and inspiring. At the same time, we have to understand that listening is important.
Allowing people to talk and come to their own conclusions is lifesaving. For example, doing our child’s homework for them might get them through the assignment, but does this help the child?
How does this help our child’s retention, or how does this help our child come to their own conclusion and retain the information in a working and understandable way?

The same thing goes when helping others find their way. First, we have to remember this is about someone else finding their way. This is not about us. This is not about our ego or how we think our story can be helpful to someone else.
Again, selective sharing can outline understanding between us. But we have to listen. We have to ask questions and encourage each other to come to our own conclusions.
But more, we are here to find a new L.E.A.S.E. in life.

A lease is a contract which someone can convey a new land, property, or service. However, this lease is for a long-term cause with more to be gained on a permanent basis. This is more than leasing a new car for three years. This is a lease for the rest of our life.

To give someone a new L.E.A.S.E. on life, we have to Listen, Encourage, Acknowledge, Support and Empower each other.
We have to Listen with the purpose and Encourage with provocative and inspiring questions, and when answered, or when we see an achievement, we have to Acknowledge the victories and Support the changes to Encourage the right to improve.
This is how we give people a new L.E.A.S.E. on life.

So, I hear you want to help people?
Well, let’s see how we can help ourselves and each other. More importantly, let’s see how we can do this together.

Okay?