I want us to have fun with this journal . . .
What does it mean to change or in this case, what is a transformational change?
Of course, the answer is simple. We know what change means. And we know what transformation is.
However, change is such a common word. So, I would like to offer the ideas of transforming or to transform and to become better, or to improve, and to be our best self is an idea that whets the appetite.
We have to have something to inspire us. This is why the ideas of transformational change can be enough to drive or act like a force that promotes our next steps.
We need something to draw us away from the internal narrative or negativity, or we have to be sure to keep from the old belief system that says, this is it.
This is all you are, and this is all you can ever be.
We need to change the internal voice and, yes, we need to start being our own best friend instead of our own worst enemy.
But first, we have to have an idea.
Why do we want to change?
Where do we want to begin?
What inspired our desire to improve or to transform?
For example:
I can use a personal experience that created a need for change.
This stemmed from my professional life. I was unhappy. I did not find any inspiration at work. There was always something to worry about and the impending doom was overpowering for me. There was nothing for the reward system and no pride of ownership or accomplishment.
Everything was more of the same, bland and flat.
There was no zest and no interest, no motivation to achieve and no inspiration to improve myself or improve my position. Everything became more of the same, as in uninspiring, or un-enthusing at best. I grew more attached to the worries and the arguments and the expectation that something can and will go wrong at any minute.
Just wait and see . . .
I assumed that I was no more or less than five minutes away from the next problem, or argument, or catastrophe.
Let’s stop for a second to inspect that last word—catastrophe.
Catastrophic thinking and expectation can set the mood to which we can and will lead to self-destruct. In the case of the subconscious mind, we can fulfill our own self-fulfilled prophecy without even noticing. We can act according to our worst assumptions and, meanwhile, we never realize how we contribute to making our worst nightmares come true.
This is the internal narrative that I was referring to. This is why we address our thinking at the beginning, to see where we trip ourselves or create our own risk of falling.
We have to clean this up.
We have to remove our thinking errors that act like barriers which keep us from reaching our better levels of strong and uplifting potential.
How do we make a change when we find ourselves stuck somewhere?
If we are stuck in our dead-end thinking, how do we change the obstacles ahead of us and turn them into better opportunities?
In some cases, we often come to a place where we hit bottom, or we find ourselves in the unwanted aftermath of unfortunate events. At this point, there is no choice and there is no way around the need to change or to improve.
Sometimes our self-inflicted wounds and our self-destructive behaviors can (and often will) blow up in our face. To put this simply, we facilitated our own crash without realizing that we are the ones who set ourselves up for failure.
Self-destructive behavior is a symptom.
This is a sign.
This is your mind telling you, “Hey, I’m not happy!”
We need to pay attention to this.
I offer this in an honest form because this is a recent account of events which I can attest to all of the above. However, at the bottom of this, I had no choice but to make something happen.
I created my downfall.
Now I had to create my own recovery.
I had to make something work.
I had to protect my financial interests and like everyone else in this world, bills need to be paid, rent is due, food costs money, and so do the lights we need or the heat we use to warm our homes.
The fall from grace can be the best place to rebuild.
We can exchange problems for possibilities and turn obstacles into opportunities.
But to be clear and before I go on with the little helpful saying, I have to be clear and admit that I hate the little sayings or the catch phrase mottos. I have always hated the therapeutic positive affirmations and I have never been a fan of cliches.
I laugh too because I can remember my first dive into the world of better mental health.
I was told: Ben, you complain that you have no shoes, but what about the man with no feet?
And my answer?
I said, “Fuck the guy with no feet. He doesn’t need shoes!”
“Besides, what the hell does he have to do with me?”
Let’s just say that I was less than sensitive then and more angry than agreeable. I can say that maturity has shown up in my case, at least a little; however, I am not a fan of sayings like this at all.
Another example can be taken from a time when I was explosive in a group therapy session. I decided to tell everyone my opinion, and I am sure my opinion was dark-colored and perhaps evil or tongued with more foul language than I would care to admit to.
I was told, Ben, you know, every time you point a finger at someone, you have three fingers pointing back at you.
My answer?
Well . . .
I opened my hand to allow each finger to point straight ahead at the counselor and offered, “Oh yeah? Well, how about this? Fuck you!”
That ended my time at that group session.
Not everyone is like this when it comes to their changes. However, this was me in the beginning.
I was angry!
I offer this with somewhat of a comedic intention to create a laugh. Also, I offer this because there are times when change can begin from a bitter place. Or sometimes, it is hard to get moving,
but we have to start from somewhere.
Resentful or not
Afraid or not
Change needs to happen.
Otherwise, how can we transform?
We have to have an idea.
We have to have inspiration and find the motivation to stay out of our own way.
We have to keep ourselves from problematic and catastrophic thinking.
We have to remove the thinking errors that create distractions and set us up to fail.
So, let’s play this out together.
Here are some interactive questions:
If you could change or make five improvements in your life –
What would they be?
How would you prioritize them?
What inspired your ideas of change or improvement?
How serious are you about these changes?
Why is this important to you?
Next series of questions:
Looking at your top priorities or thinking about the things you would like to change most, let’s start with your biggest item to improve:
Number your answers from 1-5
1 is the least and 5 is the highest level of intensity or motivation to improve.
What number would you rate this need to change?
What level would you rate this desire to improve?
How important is this to you?
What level would you rate your feelings if you failed to reach your goal?
For example: Let’s offer the common goal of physical fitness.
Let’s offer a plan to be able to do 100 pushups in one day.
What number would you rate your desire to achieve this goal?
Let’s say the desire is high and we give ourselves the top rating of 5.
This is great!
What level would you rate your belief that this can happen?
Now, this is where honesty comes into play.
We want to do 100 pushups in one day, each day for one month.
This is a great goal.
However, if we can hardly do ten pushups, then there’s a challenge that comes into play.
So again—we want to do 100 but we can hardly complete 10 solid pushups.
From 1 – 5, what would we rate our belief system that we can achieve this goal?
Let’s say the answer is 2.
Okay, this is better than 0.
Next question:
What level would we rate our willingness to try and improve?
What level would we give ourselves when thinking about our willingness to set a schedule?
What level would we rate our belief system that we can keep this up as a daily routine?
These numbers help us see where our willingness is, and this will allow us to come up with a W.R.A.P.
(Wellness Recovery Action Plan)
This is our written document and our journal that will help us commit to change and more, this will outline a few good items which we will detail more in the next entry.
Who is your home team?
Who is on your side?
What are your triggers?
What are your distractions?
Who is going to support you when you fall off track?
This is a good start.
Tomorrow, we can start our W.R.A.P.
The Written Addiction 