There has to be a beginning. We all start from somewhere and, of course, there are times when we need help or we need to figure out when or where to begin, or how.
I have been writing to you for years now. Most of this is for me. However, there is hope, which I have, that somehow or maybe in some way one of my entries can reach out and find someone at their moment of need.
Same as I needed to be inspired, maybe this can find you at a time when you need a push of your own. Maybe something I might say can (or will) motivate your or push you to the point where you are inspired to change.
I have already mentioned the need to be inspired. We need to find inspiration and more, we need to find something to entice us, or perhaps maybe we need something to playfully tease us, if you will, because, in fairness, we all need something that stands out. We need something that causes us to want to come forward and remove ourselves from our previous shell.
There are people in my life who have done this for me. There are people who have pushed me to defy the rhetoric in my brain and there are those who are very special to me, who pushed me to move, or who taught me to defy the sad or suicidal ideation. More than anything, there are people who came into my life, exactly when I needed them to, as if somehow, the randomness of the love gods knew that I needed a reintroduction to someone beautiful from my past, or the case of something random on television or due to a small inspirational post or video on my social media feed, somehow, life has a way of opening our eyes.
This means we can see. This means we are not blind. We only wanted to be because, perhaps we were afraid to face the truth or face the work and responsibility it takes to show up and call ourselves out when we are not living up to our potential.
We ended our last entry with the idea of creating a W.R.A.P. which is an acronym for our Wellness, Recovery, Action Plan.
I have written different actions plans for different clients. But this one is different. As mentioned, this plan will be broadly detailed in a sense to act as a guideline.
However, my answers are my answers.
Your answers will be yours and in the estimated future when or if you choose to help yourself, or if you want to support someone else at a pace that offers more than opinions or advice; or, if you plan to open yourself up to the future possibility of coaching, advocacy, or recovery or mental health work, this step is very helpful to someone who struggles in the beginning stages of their own transformation.
It is very clear that no one can realize anything for me.
Hence, this is why we are creating this plan.
No one can come to an understanding about me that would be helpful or make sense, and to be one step closer to improving my life, whether my aim is to improve myself professionally, emotionally, romantically, or physically, no realization or understanding is going to be more eye-opening than my own.
This is the basic intention of the W.R.A.P.
To be clear, I usually begin this with clients after my first session. I begin this up with open-ended questions. This is a process known as motivational interviewing which allows the client to open up.
For example:
We have talked about the topics of homework or doing our child’s homework, because we want to be helpful. And maybe there are times when children can retain some of the information. However, when we are learning something beyond the skills of basic math, our child needs more understanding to do the math in front of them.
We can’t do their homework forever.
But . . .
before going onward, this has nothing to do with math class and to be painfully clear, I am not a fan of the so-called “new math” that they teach in schools because (to be honest) the old math seemed to work fine for many years. But again, math and math class is a subject for a different time.
What is a W.R.A.P.?
This is a personal contract or a document that can hold you accountable for your transformation. As a result, this will allow you to clear your vision and learn where to begin.
First:
We have to create our home team. We have to decide who we plan to include with this and how we want to position the people who we plan to have on our team.
The reason behind this is that our W.R.A.P. is a personal document, no different from a journal. This is our personal declaration to adapt, learn, improve and essentially, this is our way to find our best levels and reach our best possible potential.
Next:
As we face our changes and look into the desire to create a transformational change, we have to know our reasons and motivation behind this change.
I would like to simplify this and add a little color.
I will start with some of the notes I came across when I was heavier and overweight.
Not to mention, I was lethargic. My depression was off the charts!
I was uncomfortable whenever I saw my reflection in the mirror, and I was tired of looking at other people and thinking envious thoughts.
But there is more.
I was tired of the five fingers of rejective thinking, which I have discussed before. If you’ve followed me before, you would know all about the five fingers of rejective thinking.
The five fingers are blame, shame, fault, guilt, and regret. These are the fingers that close and create the fist that we use to beat ourselves up with.
We have to stop this.
There is no more room for defeat or the defeated attitude that causes us to turn inward or to go backwards.
Aside from usual explanations and an introduction, the following questions are how I would offer a W.R.A.P. to someone who is looking for a transformational change.
I will only edit this list slightly to leave out names, but keep in mind that this is aimed to be personalized, which why I am offering part of this to you with hopes that you can see how to script something like this on your own.
Phase 1:
What is the reason for this contract?
Sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I want to improve my moods.
I want to improve my relationships with people.
I want to find my confidence and be more comfortable in my surroundings.
I’m tired of being unhappy all the time.
I’m tired of being disgusted with myself.
What are the top five changes that you want to make?
Prioritize them from first to last.
- To look better.
- To feel better.
- To be comfortable with my body and feel confident when I see my reflection in the mirror.
- To improve my diet and physical fitness.
- To improve my mental and emotional fitness.
Question:
Do you have others who can support you? If so, who would you like to include and list in this action plan?
Answer:
I am not comfortable including too many people with this plan. I don’t need to hear too many outside opinions. It seems everyone has a diet or they have “a way” that works best.
I plan to include one personal trainer, who I know, and who offers me basic ideas that seem easy enough for me to grasp. But more, I’m not intimidated by him.
I’m comfortable with him because of the way he talks and the way he seems to make the exercise look simple. He isn’t pushing me to do more than I can; but more, he is judgement free!
I will include one friend who I have already confided in, and I feel comfortable talking about food and dieting with him because our interaction is open and not rigid or forced to right or wrong.
I do not like to talk about weight loss or exercising with people because everyone has an opinion, and everyone thinks that they know best.
Question:
What are your best times of day?
Answer:
Mornings after I write my journal.
Question:
What is your toughest time of the day?
Answer:
When I arrive at work in the morning because I don’t know what’s waiting for me. I don’t know who did what or who said what? The impending doom is always killing me.
And I don’t know if there will be an argument or if I’ll be walking into the main office for some kind of complaint or to be yelled at for something that I did or didn’t do.
Question:
What are your biggest fears and intimidations?
Answer:
Looking foolish.
Being exposed.
Not being liked or being hated.
To find out that a friend wasn’t really a friend
or to be betrayed and laughed at.
Being a failure.
Being stupid.
Question:
How would you usually handle, face or deal with intimidations like this?
Answer:
I wouldn’t.
I would hide or try to disguise myself or “act” and I would try to win people over, so-to-speak, and joke or use my sense of humor.
I look for quick fixes, like something to eat, or I look for some other distraction, which keeps me from my chores at work or my responsibilities at home.
Question:
When thinking about your reasons to create a transformational change, how do your fears or intimidations affect your moods? How does this affect your triggers or old behaviors? What is the end result?
Answer:
I lose motivation.
I lose the care or the drive to want to be better.
I lose sight of myself and lose my self-worth.
And when it comes to food, this is always a good time to lose myself in a big meal.
At least, I’m not thinking about my problems.
I can eat myself to the point where I’m not thinking about anything. While I know I’m not helping myself by eating (again), at least I can enjoy the moment and love what I eat and not overthink too much.
The next thing I know – I eat myself in a food coma and the last thing I want to do is face my responsibilities or work harder. I let myself go. I choose not to clean up after myself. I get sloppy and lose my motivation to look better.
I forget important things, like to brush my teeth sometimes or proper hygiene.
Now:
I am offering this to show what the starting point looks like.
There are more questions and more steps to a good action plan but for now, I would like you to think about this and how this would apply to you.
Ask yourself the same questions.
If at all, what would be your reason behind a good transformational change?
If you could give yourself a top five list of improvements, what would they be?
Would you be willing to do what it takes to make these improvements?
Look at the questions to the basic action plan above and answer them for yourself.
We are starting at the beginning, of course, which is where everything begins.
We need to know where we are. We also need to know what we are dealing with, intimidations, and all.
If we plan to use this as a means to help ourselves, or if we want to help others, we have to understand the mechanics of a good action plan so that we would know how to bring this together.
I think that this is a good place for us to pause (for now).
We will pick up from here in the next entry.
But, if you are playing (and I hope that you are) and if you are answering these questions honestly, I think you will find that a W.R.A.P. is a great place to start.
This can lead us to open our eyes and see our life in a brand-new way.
We have to be careful not to lose or give in to intimidations.
Remember:
The first step is always the hardest.
But it’s worth it.
Trust me.
The Written Addiction 