One of the things I am famous for saying is that we are always the square root to our own equation. This means that everything in our life begins, lives, and ends with us.
We are always the square root to our own equation.
If we are talking about facing ourselves in the mirror at the end of the day, and if we are looking at our reflection and looking to come to a constructive conclusion, or if we are growing and looking to improve, then what do we need to add to our lives? Quite the same; what do we need to take away?
There is a personal math which takes place, and this is another helpful item to notice in our action plan. We have to understand what we need to add, or subtract. We need to understand the benefits of how actions can multiply or, in other cases, we have to realize what divides or takes us away from our best possible potential.
And then . . .
Then, there’s love.
Do you have love in your life?
This is a great question for us to add to our W.R.A.P.
If yes, who is your person?
If no, who would this person be?
What does love mean to you?
What does love add to your life, and how?
Anything?
If you are “with” somebody, what would your life be like without this person? In what ways do you show your person how valuable they are to you?
In the case of toxic love or toxic friends and relationships, ask yourself this:
Why would I keep someone like this in my life?
What purpose do they serve?
What’s missing in me that I would allow myself to be in a relationship like this?
Remember: This is an action plan. We need to attack the pain and pleasure receptors from all angles.
We need to understand what makes us work smarter, and not just harder.
There are other questions that need to be asked, which are the adverse, or on the opposite side of love. In some cases, toxic life can bleed from both sides of love and hate.
Who fills you with inspiration?
Who puts you down?
Who inspires you?
Who degrades you?
If at all, are there people in your life who change the way you think about yourself after you have a conversation?
Who in these conversations is someone who helps your mindset to feel better or stronger, or more inspired?
On the other side of this, is there anyone you speak with who contributes to a negative or toxic mindset?
Are there toxic people in your life?
Why do you interact with them?
What benefit comes from the toxic people in your life? If the answer is none, then (be honest) why do you still interact with them?
What role does this person, or people, honor in your life?
If there are people you would like to move away from and you haven’t done so, then why do you find yourself going back?
What is the missing piece in your life that they fill?
We have to understand that transformational change begins when we start to uproot ourselves and begin to separate ourselves from the unhelpful and toxic additions in our life.
Remember: People, places, and things.
There are great people, great places, and there are amazing things to see in this world. However, one of the biggest blockers in life are the dream killers and the people who put us down or keep us stuck. Another huge dilemma is the true nature of codependent relationships and how they can drag us backwards, or tear us apart.
Places can be toxic and things, well?
We all know there are things in our life that we want to be rid of.
What are they, and how can we rid ourselves of things that pull us back instead of push us forward?
We need to remove the people, places, or things that degrade us, keep us sick, or lead us to drown in our own emotional quicksand.
So, let’s get back to the questions we can use on our action plan:
Who are the most important people in your life?
Do they know how important they are to you, and how often do you tell them?
Who and what are the most toxic items in your life, and how do they contribute to your new transformation?
Do you ever find yourself trying to win people over, impress others, or do you find yourself looking for acceptance, validation, or searching for compliments?
If the answer to the above question is yes, then ask yourself, how does this help you build a bigger, stronger, or better self-esteem?
Example:
I found myself chasing unhelpful and unrewarding relationships, especially in my younger life. I needed to be validated or prove myself to be cool, at least to some degree.
I needed to be wanted or desired.
I wanted to be included, so I included myself all the time. However, I missed out on the compliment of being invited.
Why did I chase people who seemed to not like me, or why would I offer myself to people who did not deserve my attention?
Questions that touch on behaviors are beneficial for our recovery and action plans because this teaches us about why we act, as well as brings us to an awareness of how we interact with others. More than anything, this teaches us the answer to one of the most frequently asked questions: why?
How many times have you had a conversation and tried to impress someone, only to walk away thinking worse about yourself?
How many times have you compromised your worth, value, or your true belief system just to fit in with someone else?
What can we do to avoid trading ourselves? Furthermore, how can we avoid degrading ourselves by allowing us the weak feelings that come after we say things we don’t agree with just so we can fit in?
How can we strengthen the pillars of “Self”
How can we learn to fill our own voids and be comfortable instead of seeking outside approval?
Do you ever find yourself searching for attention, even though you understand the attention is not healthy?
If yes, what thoughts, feelings, or emotions does this honor?
What thoughts, feelings, or emotions come in the aftermath?
If we seek approval or compromise ourselves for attention, does this honor our best potential, or does this degrade our energy simply because we are seeking approval or looking for a “quick fix” and instant gratification?
We want to build our strengths, but also, we want to strengthen our weaknesses.
We want to support our efforts to the best of our ability. And so, allowing ourselves to cheat on meals when we are looking to lose weight is obviously unhelpful,
Or if we want to strengthen our heart, but seek external remedies to touch our ego, then how can this be sustainable and helpful to us in the long -term?
If we want to grow, spiritually, emotionally, physically, or professionally, then we have to grow on all sides, weaknesses included.
We need to honor our best self.
We cannot allow ourselves to indulge in acts or behaviors that degrade our best interest.
This is no different than working hard at the gym and then keeping a terrible diet as soon as we leave. While I honor the sayings, “Spirit of the law, letter of the law,” or in other words, “Progress, not perfection,” and yes, we do have to treat ourselves; I realize that we are growing and improving at an incremental speed, one step, one breath, one day at a time.
If this is true, then we have to be true to the process we have committed to.
“Half-measures availed us nothing” is the saying that comes to mind.
What do you want the next three weeks of your life to look like?
What results are you aiming to find in three months and how would you like your reflection to look in the mirror by that time?
What are you willing to do to make your incremental and short-term goals become more than possibilities and turn them into realities?
Where is your belief system that this can happen?
What would your six-month goal look like?
Lastly, where do you want to find yourself at this same time, next year?
If you want to have it, then you have to see it. If you can’t see your goals and dreams, then how can you have them?
Tomorrow we start to work on our vision statement.
Ready?
Good . . .
The Written Addiction 