I am going to ask some questions in this entry, so I will keep this short because I want to keep this interactive. Of course, I want you to think about the questions and answer them where they apply.
I have seen the benefits of replacement. However, I understand that if we are thirsty, then we are thirsty. This means we have to find a way to quench our thirst or solve our hunger.
If drinking or food is a problem, then we can’t just take these things away and expect this to solve the problem. The need is still there. So is the desire and the drive to be satisfied.
We have to ensure that our needs are met.
Understand?
Of course, the same as we need to breathe or food to eat, water to drink and shelter to cover above our head, there are other needs as well. These needs are just as valid and important.
There is the need for interaction and affection. We have a need for intimacy. We need love and attention and yes, we all need warmth that goes beyond the common touch or simple hug or handshake.
Understanding this is all part of our recovery action plan.
We have to understand our needs and note them down, which will involve a serious and honest undertaking.
Here are some sample questions that have appeared on some of my W.R.A.P.’s :
On a scale of 1 – 5 with 5 being the best or most satisfied, where would you rate the following:
Your friendships
Your love life
If this applies, where would you rate your relationship with your partner or “person”?
If you have someone intimate in your life, how would you rate the way they meet your needs?
How would you rate your satisfaction when you are with them?
Where would you rate your levels of communication?
Consider the way you feel without them around, and answering this with a simple yes or no, is this person made for you?
Do you believe that you are made for this person?
Would you be happier if this person was not in your life anymore?
Would you be happier if this person was more involved with you?
When you think about this person, do they know and understand you?
Do you find yourself thinking that something is missing?
Do they know how to satisfy your needs?
Do they know about your dreams?
Do they know and entertain your desires and fantasies?
Are you drawn to them because of comfort?
Are you drawn to them because they know everything about you?
Are you drawn to them because changing is too intimidating?
What draws you to someone you love?
What does love mean to you?
When thinking about your answer, and now relating this answer to the way your person shows you attention, does your version of love match the way they treat you?
Are your needs met?
Do you find yourself fulfilled?
Are you happy?
If the answer is no, then what would make you happier?
What would need to happen to improve your levels of satisfaction at home or in your intimate life?
If you are not with anyone, what measures are you taking to ensure that your needs are met, and that loneliness is not going to overwhelm you?
Note:
Action plans are written specifically for the person, or us, or whomever the plan is for, all questions will be designed to promote us and move us to a better level of understanding so that we can improve and meet our needs to the best of our ability.
Either way, if we are hungry, then we are hungry. If we are thirsty, then we are thirsty. And, if we are seeking attention or affection, then we want to be sure to go about managing our needs the right way. We don’t want to settle for less than we deserve because this contributes to a sad or defeated mindset.
This also leads to internal resentment. We do not want any port in the storm.
This is not fair to us nor is this fair to anyone else.
If we cannot meet our needs, or have them as we would prefer, then how can we honor ourselves and solve this in a healthy way?
Figuratively speaking, how can we engage in good practices to solve our hunger or quench our thirst? And of course, how can we honor our needs for warmth from the hand (even if the hand is our own) in a way that honors our dignity?
I am sure we have all seen what happens when people (or when we) settle for second best, or even less than second or third. I am sure that we all understand the lesson of accepting any port in the storm or settling for attention, even when the attention is less than what we deserve.
There are two ideas that we are looking to address in this part of our action plan.
The first idea is people who run or find themselves running away.
This is running without a plan.
The second idea is to run with a plan or to run towards something.
Running away never helps because where you go, there you are.
The idea is to have a plan.
We need to have a vision, which is coming up shortly.
What do we want our life to look like, and once we’ve chosen to envision this, what needs to be done to make this happen?
Ask yourself –
When is it your turn to make this happen?
Lastly, when are you going to give yourself permission to make this so?
The Written Addiction 