I can assure you that the past has a way of reappearing. I can say that memories will come, and memories can lie. I can say there are remnants from the past and regrets and silent battles of mistakes or things we said which were words of anger or maybe we did something “in the moment” and then eventually, the head cooled and the realization comes to mind.
Here’s a question:
Ever say, “Man, I wish I didn’t say that!”
Yet, you did say it. And not only that, you said it with anger and in the worst way possible.
I have been insulted before. However, there are insults and there are insults that tear us apart.
i have experienced both. As well, I am equally guilty of both.
No one is so perfect. No one can say they have never spoken out of anger or said something that they later regret.
Suffice to say that we are all capable of saying the wrong things. Suffice to say that we have all had fights or arguments and, of course, it would also be safe to say that everyone has had moments in their life when they look back and wished they’d stopped themselves before it was too late.
I wish I never said that . . .
I’ve said this before.
(Haven’t you?)
It is human to feel. It is human to have worries and concerns and it is within us all to have a list of inventory, to which the list of thoughts or feelings comes to an assumption. Yes, this is what tricks the mind into assuming that the worst is about to happen.
And yes, in the moment or in the fit of panic, or in an outbreak of anxious desire, we find that our imagination rewires emotion, and next, we are worried about a war that never existed, or needed to.
There is a need to rectify the past. In other words, there is a need to reconcile, at least within ourselves because somehow, we all have a recollection of a time when life unraveled in an undesirable way—and next, the mind holds this, like an a knotted line that frays out of control. This becomes an unresolved moment. In the mix of unfixable ideas or thoughts of shame and guilt, we look to find accountability or, at minimum, we search for a semblance of understanding.
We want to solve this.
We want to understand because, to us, something unresolved is like having a hole or an empty void in the heart. Whether there is sense to be made or a way to assign blame, or if the answer is simple, or even if a personal downfall happened just because, and even if there is no answer, we still need to find some kind of resolution.
Thoughts can lie and memory can blur the truth. As time goes on, memories can mutate a little more.
Time changes us, and time changes people too. And yes, time awakens us to a moment of awareness.
I have often wondered why people love each other, so much and so deeply, and despite their attraction and despite their passion or the way they yearn for one another. It has always amazed me that people fight, and even the most intense passion, or even the most beautiful kind of love can sour, or turn, or worse, even the best kind of love can fade away.
(If we are not careful.)
This is a good time to set up an inventory list.
We need to look at who we are, who we lost, how we lost them, and heading into braver territories, now is the time for honesty, and now is the time to add understanding to our action plan. Next, we are going to learn why we act or behave the way we do.
Now is the time to lean how to diagram our inventory.
We are going to learn how to diagnose our internal bouts, and now is the time for the action plan to teach us about ourselves.
We have to recognize that actions and words or fights and the things we do or say are only symptoms of something within.
We are going to go back to the acronym that defines the five basic emotions –
F.L.A.P.P.
This stands for fear, loneliness, anger, pain, and pleasure.
Emotions are not the same as feelings. Emotions are the chemical result in our body that responds to the stimulation around us.
Here are today’s questions –
What are you most afraid of?
Think about your relationships with other people. Think about your intimate relationships and the worries or the unclear or somewhat unsure fears that something can be, might be, or will be wrong.
Think about the ideas that come to mind when people say, “it’s too good to be true.”
And maybe something is, “too good to be true,” or on the other hand, maybe there is a fear that something this amazing is meant for you (or me) and in the worry that something this beautiful is meant for you; think about the worry that can take place when we start to overthink.
Think about the aftermath when we continuously ask ourselves the unfortunate “What if” questions like, “What if this isn’t real?”
“What if I am the only one who feels this way?”
“What if I come forward and open my heart, and if I do, what will I do if I find out that what I have (or who I am) is not enough?
What if I try and find myself alone?
(Again)
Thinking back, have you ever set yourself up for an argument with a loved one?
Have you ever set yourself up to fail in a relationship?
Have you ever wished that you could take back everything you said, and then after explaining, “I didn’t mean it,” did you ever wish you could erase a moment in your life because your memories won’t go away?
Have you ever said mean things out of anger to someone you love?
Have you ever betrayed someone you love?
Have you ever allowed yourself to fall into the emotional quicksand and drown so deep within yourself that all you see are the fears and worries, and if you have, can you see how your thoughts betrayed you and can you see how this resulted in the destruction of something valuable?
Do you have memories of being hurt or betrayed?
Have memories like this had an impact on your relationships?
Everyone has been burned once or twice. This can be professionally, or personally, intimately or emotionally, and as a result, it is popular to say, “Never again!” It is common to want to defend ourselves from being played for a fool, or being hurt; and more, it is common to want to protect ourselves from the sad humiliation of believing something that wasn’t true.
Having said this, think about the people in your life who hold a station in your mind because of a memory or a resentment.
Think about a bully or someone who hurt you.
Think about a time or a place, or think about a moment of awareness which came to light and next, think about the feelings of foolishness, or the pain from rejection.
Think about the moments in your life when you were either hurt or you believed that you were played for a fool and then think about the times when you said, “NEVER AGAIN!” yet somehow, you found that never again seemed to come along and found yourself in the same way or feeling the same feelings.
How many people have you forgiven in your life?
Do not list the basic forgiveness like when someone accidentally bumps you, and says, “My bad,” or “I’m sorry.”
Think about the times without apology, like when someone hurt you or crushed you in such a way that you swore the damages were beyond repair?
Have you ever forgiven someone like this?
If yes, then why?
If no, then why not?
Have you ever forgiven yourself?
Think about the habits you wish you could break.
Think about the times when you let yourself fail or think about the moments when you did yourself a disservice.
Think about the times when you hurt someone, for no good reason, or think about the times when your mindset was off, and your heart was somehow diseased.
Think about the times when your thinking turned inwards and out of haste and assumption, think about the times when you were mean or said something hurtful.
Think about the things you never had the chance to apologize for, but still, you wish you could, but life and destiny changed your path and for whatever reason, there is no way to say sorry or to apologize.
Thinking about this, can you see how moments from your past can leave behind an emotional cancer which deposits in our mind, or leaves behind the chemical result of an emotional decay? Thus, we tend to create a subconscious response that assumes all things are the same, that all people hurt people—us included, and in the end, can you see how our assumptions can sabotage and ruin opportunities.
Thoughts can prevent us from moving forward or opening up. This can limit us or keep us from experiencing love, life, and happiness, beyond compare.
Who would you like to forgive, even if they hurt you?
Who do you wish would forgive you?
If someone won’t forgive you, the last question for this entry is this –
When will you learn to forgive yourself?
The Written Addiction 