8)
It is not far now . . .
. . . the path to empathy
or to find someone
to empathize with, or to understand
or to find that something
longed for but missed
in the calculation
of which way to go –
Up, down?
Left or right?
It is not far now
someone to confide in
or who to avoid
but remember
the world is not void
of those who are equivalent
to a man like Judas –
loving, but trading
Do you see?
There is always someone
always seeking, looking
and worshiping the gods of acceptance
or more,
there will always be someone out there
with selfish motives,
or opposite agendas
that cannot, will not
and do not coincide
with the benefits
of your own peace.
How can someone say
they are good,
without acknowledging
that they have dishonesties too?
I see this
and I think how we look to dodge
the fact that we lied
or we deceived
and as we hope to hide our truth
we create a story
or a narrative
with hopes that nothing comes to light.
This is why people
keep their secret
in the dark
and yes,
the darker the secret,
the deeper we bury them
with hopes
that no one knows
or finds a way
to unearth them
and leave us ashamed . . .
9)
We have said the spring will come soon
which I am happy to see the return of
the red breasts who come back to remind me
that warmer days are about to come.
I am no different from a child
at the edges of June
awaiting the final bell to ring
and class is dismissed.
Even at my age now, I am still hoping
to be released, or free,
or able to enjoy the mild rebellions
which seemed so much more to me back then.
If I only knew what adversity really was,
perhaps I would have been more
thankful for what I had.
I am not much different
from the hopes of the sand on the beach,
eager to be quenched by the ocean
and hopeful
to have my unwanted sediments
rinsed by the tides, or cleansed
from the pores of my unwanted truths
and washed out to sea
never to be heard from again.
It is impossible to say
that yesterday was never here,
nor is it possible to deny
the way we were (at times)
or how we held on to simple dishonesties
and wished that they were true.
My world is not unsung
or unlived, and my life
is neither clean nor perfect,
nor am I able to claim
ignorance as innocence
because deep down
we all know the truth.
We know
when something is wrong –
I believe we call this
our conscience.
You can dress a lie
in any fabric
and you can disguise your excuses
or decorate the ways
you rationalize what you’ve done
or what you’ve said,
and you can justify your lies
or defend your dishonesties
to uphold them
or make them legitimate,
but not for long.
In the end,
when there’s no one
around to validate your lies,
or agree, or say
“yeah, that’s true,”
just remember,
no matter how you try
you can’t hide
from who you are
or what you did
10)
Cover me, please
and let me find me
beneath you,
like a blanket
and cover me
in warmth and promises
for the rest of my life.
If I am not far from you
or if I am near,
or if I am yours,
or if I am destined
and fate is still creating
the magic
which makes you become mine,
then please,
cover me with you
and let me be beneath
the weight of your love
each and every day
for the rest of my life.
Cover me
and be close
touch me.
Breathe next to me
or be next to me
so close
that I cannot tell where I end
or you begin
Be with me
or match me
like a lost piece
to my puzzle
that I had thought was gone
or never to be found again
until you came
and changed my life.
If I am to wait
or if I am to suffer
or if I have to endure
before the gates open,
then so be it –
I will wait
because anything else
would only be a close match
to what I want
and no,
I don’t want a close match . . .
I want my perfect fit
from now until the hour of my death,
Amen.
11)
And so?
Is this it?
is this us?
Is this the way life
happens when left
up to happenstance
and all we do is wait
or want
or hope that somehow,
fate will pull its trick
and we will find ourselves
exactly where
we are supposed to be
together.
I have to say this . . .
I want to be young again.
Not to redo what I could have done
or to relive another moment.
No.
I have another idea.
I want the resilience of my youth
to accompany me in my older years
so that when the time comes,
no matter how I old I am
or how I have been shaken
or beaten, my age will never prevent me
from seeing you
and feeling young again.
The Written Addiction 