22)
She walks through her imagination
like a young girl
through faded fields
of sunflowers.
She counts her years on the backs
of ladybugs,
which represent more than say,
the imaginary rainbows
where she meets her destiny,
live, and in person.
I have no answers to make sense of
the expressions we make when,
say,
when we see the sunrise
or when we watch the sun go down,
and to me,
I see no future in the past recollections
of mismanaged ideas
which of course,
these are the things
that led us astray
or distracted us
from the path of good intentions.
It is not beyond me now,
nor has it been
and nor will it ever be beyond me
to dream of the beach
or the warmth of the hot sand between my toes
the sun on my face,
or the wind in my hair,
and you, like a brand new friend
every day
learning about all I have to share
happy
and by my side.
you know, I have to say
it is not above me,
nor below, nor is it out of my power
to imagine how the sun goes down,
lying on a lounge,
when meanwhile,
the world is on pause
and the momentary vacation
or break from reality
is none other than
beautiful,
or more,
I call this inspiring,
like a goal to be outdone
or checked off the bucket list –
But yes, I call this inspirational
the same as I call you inspirational
and so,
when I see you,
I suppose I will always see the sunset
to which I think of
warmth from the sun,
tanned skin,
and an evening
that can never be equaled
Did I ever tell you how you feel
when you lay next to me?
I swear,
you can never be too close
or close enough
because to me
I will always want you closer
or on me
naked, of course
undressed in every way
and in the post production
of love making,
I can hear you breathing
as you fall asleep.
This . . .
is almost better
than the sex itself
(almost)
23)
I remember a fight from my younger years
which was not mine
or my fight
but this was a fight nonetheless.
I remember being a witness
or a listener
to one of the greatest lines of all –
This was between two men
one older and wise
the other was younger
and nothing short
of being a wise ass.
After shaking too many trees
or pissing off too many tradesmen
on a construction site; and yes,
the young man brought this upon himself.
The old man said,
in my life,
I have three takes.
I take my time,
I take my breaks.
And I take no shit.
He said this to someone
who was more than deserving
of a mild to a moderate beating.
The youngster was somewhat hated
somewhat resented
and had it not been for a few “family”
connections
I am sure everyone
wanted a piece of this youngster;
to punish him
or make him go
wee, wee, wee
all the way home
I never forgot the look
on the young man’s face,
when he, the so-called old man
pulled the young man from the bottom rung
if a ladder by his throat
and then
the so-called old man quickly slammed
the younger man against the wall
as if he weighed no more
than a ragdoll.
This was all well deserved.
This was payback for months
of practical jokes
or jokes at everyone else’s expense.
This was payback
for the wiseass, snide comments
or the baby games
or the nonsense that everyone else
had to put up with.
I never forgot the three takes.
which means, take your time
take your breaks
and take no shit.
I think there is more to this
than just a simple, one-liner
or a verbal comeback
to a wise ass, punk kid,
who overstayed his welcome
on a construction site.
Even the young man’s uncle,
who was a man of clout;
even he could never defend him;
at least, nit after this,
because, and let’s face it
the kid was . . .
an asshole..
I think there is more to this story —
because, and in all fairness to us
and to be fair to the way things work
or how things are
in this great big place,
here on Project Earth,
I find that we seldom take our time,
we rarely take our breaks,
we take ourselves entirely too seriously
we are wound up too tight,
and oftentimes,
we take too much shit.
But ah,
the line.
the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
Ah, the crimes
that go unsolved
and the facts that go unproven
and the injustice we see –
ah, and then there are
the time that comes
when we refuse to allow
ourselves to be pushed back
anymore –
Thank God for God
and thank God for the line in the sand
to which, this is our line
this is where we say,
no matter what,
I will not retreat
not one more step –
Not from here!
But before I progress
allow me to digress
just a little –
Ever rehearse your speech
and never deliver it
because you lost your nerve?
Me too . . .
This is why I admire you,
as my hero,
no matter what, or who
or how this hurt
or affected you.
you stayed true to yourself,
and to be honest,
I haven’t seen anything
quite this heroic.
At least,
not since the lime I heard about
the three takes.
24)
I like the way the wind
blows through the curtains
in the windows of
an uptown apartment
It reminds me of old New York City
or back when I was younger
and the world was nothing more
than a series of dreams.
I remember the scenes
of my later days
had yet to surrender
to the hypocrisy that only comes
with this thing we call adulthood.
Grow up, they said
You have to be careful, they told me.
Growing up sucks,
I tell you.
In fact, I was smarter when I was less careful
or careless,
I remember though – an evening,
Uptown, summertime,
1989, and me?
I was young
and unforgivable to some degree.
I was caught on something,
like a snag
or a hook that had sunk in deep
and I was alive, yes, I can agree
but barely, and still, —
I found myself
in the worst of all places,
hiding in alleys,
or sneaking through basements,
and yes, of course,
I was chasing the white horse,
as they say,
galloping through bloodstreams
and moving me through
crooked neighborhoods
where concrete playground
lost their innocence
to demons and dealers
or to packets of tiny white envelopes.
marked for special delivery
and each note carried a hefty tax
and a debt
that can never be settled
(even still.)
But don’t worry
the demons
always look to negotiate
and they’ll always offer a plan,
but, of course,
be mindful of the interest
which keeps on going.
I still have clear pictures
of old light bulbs,
swinging from the middle
of broken ceilings
in filthy rooms
which is where the demons
claim their dependents
to write off their losses.
or act like absentee Dads
eager to make something back
on their yearly tax returns.
I swear,
I think I knew you
Even then….
I have always wished for this,
for you, for something resurrecting
or rebuilding and redeeming
or someone to come along
and somehow,
show me the real me,
which was fine
and beyond fine
I was right,
at least I was meant for somebody.
I wanted to be rescued
from my own sad discussions
and more;
I wanted to defy my beliefs
that despite the ugly nature’s
of say 134th Street and Willis . . .
somewhere,
I knew you were out there –
I just had to find out where
So I could find my way
to love you
to let you love me back
or to tell me
that I am better than I think,
I am better than I believe
and more than I can conceive
therefore, in the concept
of love and life,
both love and life are real,
and someday,
I would come to a realization
that you are real
and so am I
and one day
whenever or wherever
this may be, somehow I knew
you would walk in my life,
like a goddess through a doorway
and carrying a smile
I knew that as soon as I saw you
I would know that I knew you and say
“that’s her.”
I swear
I knew you before I met you
and I have dreamed of you
before I knew what it mean to dream,
or have someone like you
come true.
25)
Hello
Old friend
I have known you all of my life yet,
somehow,
I often miss you
coming in or out of the door,
in which case, I mean,
we never seem
to be on the same page.
At least,
not the same time.
Oh well –
Timing has never been my thing,
so?
I guess I go back
to where the bullets hit the sky
to shoot at any dream
that moves
and keep them grounded
before their take offs
bring my hopes up.
I am not a fighter,
even though, I have often
pretended to be.
I am not tough
At least,
not as far as being tough goes.
I am only tough enough
to endure
despite the pain
or the disappointment
and/or
despite the common casualties
and private tragedies
Above all;
I am
still here.
I should have my own line,
like the story about the man
with the three takes.
Or maybe I do have a few takes of my own.
I take to this moment
every morning
I take the crumbs
I’ve gathered together
and rebuilt my life, and
sure, I like the sound
or the last one
from the original “three takes,”
and I would like to say
that I take no shit . . .
but I do
We all do.
But for now,
I take you
to have and to hold
for richer or for poorer
in sickness,
and in health.
No take is better than this.
You know,
come to think of it
whenever I dream of love,
which in part, I offer
that you are partly my addiction
and partly my withdrawal;
I never dream of us
living wealthy,
but instead,
I see us more as simple
easy, and without complication –
I see us happier this way,
like a kid
watching
Saturday morning cartoons (Remember?)
and I want us to be this way
each day
for the rest of our lives
Until death do us part
The Written Addiction 