56)
There are some
or so it seems,
or maybe there are more,
or even more than I realize; however,
there are those among us
who live in the split decision
or who find themselves
stuck between fact and fiction
and so,
they spend their time on the fence
unsure of what to do,
what to say,
how to move,
or when to pick a side,
or how to make things so.
And then what?
What do you do
when you watch as life passes you by?
What happens
when you’ve been on the fence
for so long,
that you don’t know what to do
when your dreams come true?
What is like to miss the parade
or to see the confetti
in its afterlife, or on the ground
tattered and beaten,
or left on the ground
like garbage from some post celebration,
acting as if to be
the most painful realization
that you missed the show,
and yes,
you miss the party,
or worse,
you missed the chance to dance,
and all else is gone.
Everything is gone
except for the ghost
of something you wished for.
But you sat on the fence too long
and just like that,
the time has gone,
and nothing else is left
except for the fact
that the life you wanted
has vanished
and all that you loved
has passed you by.
Now what?
57)
What would you do
or say,
if you could do
or say something over again?
If you had the chance to rewind
or rethink, or relive one moment, just one,
what moment would it be,
and what would you say
or what would you do differently?
Anything?
I would . . .
and our youth,
or that chance I never took,
I’d take it
right now.
Absolutely
58)
I see the sunrise is earlier now
which means spring will return soon
bringing back new life,
and maybe a new beginning,
as well as the robins
or flowers like tulips
and daffodils.
Let it happen, I say.
Let the new birth begin
so that I can be reborn
or we can see a rebirth
between us.
I want this.
Same as I want the sun to warm our side of the globe
and same as I want the sun to climb high
over the beaches,
so we can walk them,
I want this.
I hope and I wish
and I pray
and I think about starlit nights
outside, somewhere
far away from common life
and somewhere out there
in an open field,
far away from everyone,
and far from the noise
and far away from the different interruptions
and from the intrusions,
like manmade life
and, of course,
I think about being far away,
as in far enough away from the past,
so that maybe you and I,
or that maybe, somehow,
we can forget the trespasses against us,
or perhaps I should say,
I want to be far away
from our trespasses against each other,
and for the moment,
I want to find a place
where there is nothing between us
except the air we breathe
and the space
which can no longer keep us apart.
I’d like that.
59)
You are not my secret
although, you and I
we both have secrets to tell,
at least, to each other,
which is fine,
I suppose.
Besides . . .
Who else can we tell
and who else would understand
or who else would even care?
I don’t think anyone
understands our language.
And I like that about us.
I don’t want to be a secret either,
yet, I am in the midst
of a new change,
which is why I await the spring
with hopes to find a new season
and that the new warmth
will return
and thaw the grounds
and warm the sands
so the beach can be welcoming
and free again.
60)
See this?
This is my bone and blood,
and this is my flesh
and my spirit.
This is my center
my heart
and at my most vulnerable;
this is all of me,
summed in a short note
to which, I admit
that I am nothing more
than a timid boy.
I am a child or, at least,
I am childlike, sometimes,
and too afraid to move,
too afraid to come forward
and too afraid that I am
otherwise, unworthy
or that I never had a place on the playground
or anything worth value.
I am afraid that one day
you might see me this way too,
to which, I realize
this is what happens when
life is lived on the fence
and fear keeps us from picking
or choosing a side,
So?
We played it safe
for way too long,
which makes people afraid
to play in the deep end of the pool
because, yes, I understand
the fears of drowning in the shallows
or drowning while standing upright
and breathing in the air.
I have what I have
and it’s here, all here
and I’m showing this to you
specifically, to let you know
that no,
you are never a secret,
just someone who is like me,
afraid
and waiting to love.
Then again,
I have to say:
I missed a few parties in my life
and I’ve missed a few parades
and proms, and moments
when the time is right
and the moon is full
and I have missed the best times
when
all you need to do
is shut up,
grab her hand
and ask her to dance.
I don’t want to miss this anymore.
I don’t know how we are
as far as time goes,
but I have some music we can play
and maybe a place we can go
just the two of us
if you’re interested,
that is . . .
61)
You . . .
you are the truth
behind so many things,
my heartbeat
my breath,
the way the sunrise inspires me
and how the moonlight
encourages me to dream—
All of this is you
to me
and yet,
you have always been so much more . . .
Blessed Father,
Keep me from the fence
and show me the field.
Point me in the direction
and let the moon be bright enough
to light my way.
The Written Addiction 