88)
Today is about love,
also known as Valentine’s Day
however, my love is not limited
to one day, nor is my love
limited at all, nor should it be.
No, my love is not aligned
with some
unrealistic version
of what love is, or isn’t,
nor is my love
limited to a commercialized view
of what love should become.
At the same time,
I am trained
and at the same time,
I am part of the customs
and part of a culture
that looks to commercialize love,
and other money-making holidays
but,
my love is not limited
nor defined by some kind
of Hallmark moment.
I say this
because, in all fairness
and in all honesty,
my love has scars
and my love has seen
train wrecks,
or sat in bottlenecked traffic jams
justified by rubber-necking curiosity,
morbid, of course—or at least
to some degree, we justify
becoming the onlooker
because as we pass by
the accidents we see
on the side of the road –
we think to ourselves
Good God,
at least that’s not me
until it is . .
89)
It is inaccurate to say
that love is flawless
or that we can say to each other
“call it love”
just to put a name on it
or call it tragedy
call us crazy
or call me whatever comes to mind,
but in my eyes,
love is not about the perfect things
and love does not smell like roses,
because even love
has bad breath in the morning;
and love goes to the bathroom
and love gets sick
or has stomach issues
and love doesn’t always wear make up,
nor does love have to wear make up
and love has shape and size
and love can be marked
or in all fairness,
and in all reality;
love does not always have a perfect body
nor does love have perfect hair days
all the time.
But none of this
is what love is.
In all, love has more imperfections
and mistakes, arguments,
fights,
moments of despair,
and times when the soul
is shaken to the core,
but even more, and despite all the above,
love is the realization
that regardless
of all the above—nothing in the world
is as beautiful
as the imperfect “you”
or at least to me,
nothing about “you”
is imperfect at all,
because faults and all,
“you” are perfect for me.
And so,
love is not about all the greatness
but true love
is how love endures
without conditions,
without turning away
or looking back,
and giving up.
And love?
I would never say that love is unconditional
not even true love,
because even unconditional love
has its own conditions.
But true love,
never even comes to the assumption
or the idea nor is there even a thought
to be somewhere else
unless, of course,
my love comes wit me.
89)
I am man
or at least so I am told
or so I believe
and to me,
I am only a man,
so please
do not hold this against me.
I am frightened,
and weak
and I am more afraid of you
than you are of me,
and so,
I admit
I am often the result of overthinking
or thinking too much
about the scenarios
that hurt me worse
than reality,
because in reality,
none of my thoughts are real,
yet, I have assumed them to be
which throws me in an idea
of rage
or otherwise,
I find myself in the immediate need
to defend myself
and fight wars
that never needed “to be”
because those wars
were never real
except
to me.
But this?
This is not love.
No, this could be called
insecurity, or then again
this could be called immaturity.
But either way
give it a name
or a number
or throw a label on it
or pin this to my chart
of other mental irregularities
and thus,
see me this way, which is true
however, if today is about love,
then let me stick with the tradition
of love, and be humble,
as in on one knee,
looking upwards
as if to submit to you,
as my queen –
I submit that I am this
the above
the imperfect being
the insecure
and immature one
and I am the one
who puts the cart before the horse
or the one who lets the fork run away
with the spoon,
and I am the one who can drive you crazy
But—
I am the one here
vulnerable and
imperfections and all,,
whether I am imperfect or not,
I confess,
the only thing that is perfect to me
is you.
So . . .
Love me
please.
And with all I have,
let me love you too
to which I can only promise this;
I can’t say
we will have a mansion
and a yacht, and maybe
there are better men around
but I am here
and I am yours
and one thing for sure
I can promise
that you and I,
together
we will never be bored.
Just let me get it together
please,
and don’t look away
because, I promise
one day
you and I
will go around the world
even if we never leave the couch.
90)
I read a joke the other day.
This was somewhere on
social media where
a man said,
my wife and I made a promise
never to go to bed angry,
and then he said,
we’ve been up since Thursday. . . .
I laughed because
I get that
but more, I like the idea
that mad or not
at least
they held to a promise.
I want to make this promise too.
Never go to bed angry
always kiss me goodnight,
or good morning, and always kiss me,
always look to make time for me
and always look to make love to me.
Let me worship you
from head to toe
because to me
there is not one part
of your body
that I wouldn’t pay attention to,
or lick, kiss, or suck on
for hours or endlessly.
I may be crazy
and you may be stuck with me
and I may be wild
and I might chase people away from
the door, and I might scream
and I might flip out
but, if given the nod
I will make love to you
and celebrate you
every day
for the rest of my life
or if anything,
I will do what I can
to make your eyes roll
and your toes curl,
or I will die trying
from now
until the hour of my death
(amen)
The Written Addiction 