123)
It is crazy to say that
I am of sound mind,
and it is even more crazy
to say that I do not slip
or fall from the wall,
or it would be a lie to say
that I do not
fly off the handle
or lose control.
However,
I believe that I am human
and even more,
I am someone who understands what happens
when pressure builds and, eventually,
the mind explodes and you lose control.
This happens to the best of us
and me, I am not the best of us.
No, I’m just another inmate
in the asylum which
I call life.
I believe that everyone
has a breaking point.
We can only take so much
or go so far . . .
We all have a line, or a level
and although intensity varies
or even in the case
where pressure is relative,
still, everyone has a point
or a line, or a level
where the pressures are unbearable,
and so,
I defy the world and say,
yes, everyone has the ability
to lose their mind.
Even the best of us
and like I say,
I am not the worst,
but I am definitely
not the best of us.
124)
I think we live in an inaccurate world
whereas, there are people
who are shocked or surprised
when violence takes place.
I have said this in jailhouse presentations
and I have said this in different
places to different people,
and people often agree when I say
the reason why people act
or talk the way they do
is because they have never
been punched in the face.
It’s true –
Meanwhile,
I notice that I live in a society
where people fail to realize
that words have meaning,
or that life is real
and people have gone on
for a long time and lived unpunished
and people get to live
without being held accountable
for what they do or say.
I am uncertain what the future
looks like
when it comes to the next generation.
I am unsure what happens
when the youth who play to pretend
wake up to a situation
where life is real
and the person who growls back
is not playing to pretend.
It’s like I always say,
there are two kind of hunters,
one who hunts for sport
and one who hunts for food.
Let the world lose its comfort
and see which hunter eats best
and which one survives on scraps
or leftovers from the people
they used to make fun of.
125)
I know stories,
like this one
for example—
Young kids want to pose and posture
and act tough, or play the part,
without ever being tested.
Or take one young kid
who wanted to be the so-called
gangster
and he acted, and he posed,
and he postured, and he failed.
Turns out,
this young kid, or otherwise known
as a plastic gangster,
found himself under arrest
and to save himself
he gave up times and dates,
names and places,
and he signed a deal
to set himself free.
Of course,
this so-called gangster
or paper tiger
of a plastic tough guy
had to leave his neighborhood,
and he had to move,
and change his whereabouts
and his friends too because
he was marked, known, named,
and labeled
as a rat.
One would assume
this brush with the law might have
showed him
hey, you’re not so tough.
But no.
Same asshole
different town and, in this particular case,
this asshole resulted to another
trip to the police precinct
and all of this happened
after being found out
because he bragged to a girl
about a robbery he claimed
which actually happened
to the best friend
of the girl whom
he was trying to impress . . .
So, rather than allow
for the song and dance,
this so-called tough guy, or criminal,
spilled the beans
and once more,
he ratted on everyone he knew.
Only this deal
didn’t work out so well.
Or, at least not as well
as the last time that he acted as a stool pigeon
and decided to sing.
Turns out,
he was marked or tagged
or known by the arresting officers
as well.
He gave up the information
way too freely
or, at least he did this
without an attorney
to seal the deal.
“So how does this work,” asked the young stool pigeon.
You’ll see,
said the detectives.
They put him in the holding cell
for the overnight hall,
and one by one
the arresting officers
made sure to parade
his so-called friends
or partners in crime
and they passed his holding cell,
with an officer pointing out,
Hey, I think you two know each other . . .
No?
Say hello to your friend the rat . . .
I think there is much to learn from this story
I am not a rat
nor am I a criminal,
and I’m not a tough guy
or a gangster.
But I do understand
what it’s like to be insecure
and paint a picture
or to make myself tough, when I am not — but,
life comes around
and teaches us lessons,
like, why lie?
Or why play pretend?
Sooner or later
reality is going to show up
and make you face the truth.
And let’s not forget the truest fact of them all:
No matter where you go,
there you are.
126)
I used to go to the park Downtown
to watch the phenomenal difference
between the poker player
and the chess player.
I can say that both have their talents
when it comes to mental warfare,
only, I have watched the chess players
sit quietly, like a violent and quiet storm
and at the same time,
I have watched poker players
as they spout off at the mouth
talking too much
or talking too loud,
without understanding the essence
of playing it cool.
Me?
I’ve always wished
that I could pull something off,
and just like that
checkmate!!
The game is over.
I enjoy a fun game of poker
but, when it comes to life,
I think I’d rather be a chess player.
You know?
No need to announce
that my response is on the way –
instead, I can just roll in
like a quiet storm
and devastate my opponent
without a whisper.
The Written Addiction 