163)
I say this to you now
and I will say this again
only this time
I am going to say this
in different parts
and in different ways
to get my point across.
I am
and I will always be
a fan of nostalgia.
I am a fan of the feeling
that comes across
when driving alone
early in the morning
and listening to the music
which comes from my youth.
This morning’s drive
was brought to you
by the band Led Zeppelin
and the song which started it all,
“Your Time is Gonna Come.”
I love it this way,
early as ever,
the roads are empty,
and I drive off in a way
as if to allow my body
to drive for me
while my mind is absent
or someplace else.
The music pulls a trick
in such a way . . .
This is the true version of autopilot.
Do you understand?
Do you know what I mean
when I say autopilot?
Your body steps in
to do the task
and meanwhile,
your mind is elsewhere
or elsewise, your thoughts
are random
and flowing from one story
to the next, all defined
by the background of music
that came from the rebellions
of your youth.
164)
I am driving while the sun
is rising behind me
and look . . .
the westbound direction ahead
reflects the sunlight
that comes up from the east
behind me.
I wish there was more like this –
behind me
But –
The road is empty.
The time is quiet
and me?
My mind is thumbing
through ideas of make-believe
and dreaming of different scenarios
where, at last, I can say the things
I always wanted to say
without fail.
I think of the different scenarios
that range from being average
to me being
a hero, to which, and in all fairness,
deep down I know who I am
and even deeper, I know who
I have always wanted to be
— which is heroic and far more
than the average bear.
Nevertheless,
I have come this far,
which is not to say
that I have only come
to come this far
because yes,
I know that I have more to go
I have more to do and more to say,
more to see
and more to amend or change,
and as I travel off or make my way
as a means to succeed,
I aim to improve myself
both evenly
and incrementally, each day
on a daily basis
and from this day onward
and from this day forward,
I know that where I was
is not where I want to be.
I want more
Maybe this is why
I love these early morning drives
because I can allow myself
the right to think
without the burden of traffic
or having to think too much
about the intrusions
that come from the left
or from the right of me.
And by the way,
I swear, that music,
rock and roll
and the sounds
which come from the songs
of my youth are enough to cause a victory
in the heart.
Even if only
for a little while.
165)
One day,
I swear . . .
I am going to be somebody.
“But you already are
. . . somebody.”
and this may be so,
but I want to be somebody more.
I want to be someone who has done more
than overcome and, yes,
I want to be someone more
than someone who is normal
or everyday, or common
and yes, I want more
than fair to midland
and more than mediocre,
or more than average
and I want to love more
and be more,
do more
and to feel more than
just enough to get me by.
If I have nothing left
then I have nothing left to lose
and so now –
Now is the time to risk it all.
Risk everything.
And rest assured
I don’t care
about win or lose
I had one last nerve
and someone stood on it.
I had one last care
and one last wish for one last dance
and dare I decide;
then let me decide to dare it all
and leave nothing behind
leave no stone unturned
and no good deed
left unpunished.
It is a mild day
before the rebirth of spring.
The sun appears earlier
and the sky is changing
so am I, and so are you,
and soon enough
the red-breasted robins
will return to sign the times.
I love these moments that flood the mind
and I weave between them, same as I weave
between the scattered cars before sunrise;
and I weave between
like a threaded needle of thoughts
that range from moments of nostalgia
to dreams of highlights
which have yet to come.
Someday,
I swear,
I am going to be somebody
I look around at what I have
and I look at what I have most,
and I think to myself,
I just want more.
I don’t want to lose another thing
but I will.
I know I will
Is that so wrong?
it is so wrong to want more
(from you)?
No.
I didn’t think so.
So?
Now I’ll go
and fit between the greenlights
and the red, but rush through the yellows
because I don’t want to stop
longer than I need to
(If you understand)
because I am on a mission
to get from where I am
to you
in record time.
The Written Addiction 