177)
I think to myself
what are the chances?
What are the odds?
What is the chance
that someone like me
can get to where I want to be,
or even more,
what will give me the mindset
or the edge
that allows me to withstand and endure,
and more than anything else,
what’s the chance that I can
make my way?
What keeps someone going
when the odds are unkind
or when the powers that be
seem to be unfair?
What gets a person up in the morning
when nothing is promising
and what gives us promise
when nothing makes sense anymore?
Seriously, these are my questions.
What feeds the fire within
so that no matter what it takes,
no matter what I have to do,
there is no such thing as quitting;
and should I choose to take my shot
and ignore the odds,
what’s the chance
that I will follow through
instead of give in to my fears
and never take the shot?
I ask this for a reason.
Then again, I say the answer
is the same as planting a seed
and doing what it takes
to make the seed grow.
What causes someone to succeed
or to achieve,
and what gives a person
the right to breathe
when they’ve already lost their breath,
or in my case;
what will be the deciding factor?
What will be the drive I’ll need
to pull me through
so that I will see this begin
from inception to fruition,
or otherwise
what will make or break me
and keep me going
so that I can hold out from the beginning
and be unstoppable
until I reach my goals of completion?
178)
Another question is
Do we have to lose?
Or if we have already lost
do we have to lose more
before we learn our lesson?
Do we have to fail more
or fall down so many more times
before we learn
not to trip in the same holes?
I remember a boxer
whom I could not stand.
I was not a fan.
I hated his arrogance
and his cockiness,
and I hated his elusiveness
and I hated his win streak
because he was nearly impossible to hit
and he was impossible to beat, until he was beaten—
and I wanted to see this too;
him being beaten.
I wanted to see him get hit and not only hit
but I wanted to see him be hit so hard
that his ego crumbled
like a sand castle in the wind.
There’s no rule
that says
you need to be hit
to become a good fighter.
No one said you must be punished
before you can be great; however,
in the face of danger
or when you need it most,
it’s always good to have a steel chin
when trying to thrive in the arena
in combat sports.
You don’t have to lose to win
but it does help when you know
what a loss feels like because
this is what makes the juice
from our victories worth the while.
By the way,
that boxer eventually lost
and he took a beating
which caused him to never step in the ring again.
See, I’d rather be tested and fail
than believe my own hype
and get knocked out so badly
that I lose my drive
or my competitive streak.
I don’t need to lose more.
No, I only need to realize
that I am battle tested
and that I have been in this pocket before.
Therefore,
no fight is over
until the bell rings.
179)
I am not a soldier by any means,
however, this is not to say
that I have not had my share of battles,
nor does this mean
that I live without my share
of post traumatic stress.
And –
Just because I never walked
through a literal mine field
doesn’t mean that
I don’t know what it feels like
to be shell shocked.
Experience is subjective,
love is subjective and, yes,
life is subjective too;
therefore, I fully and wholeheartedly
support the saying and idea
that everybody is going through something.
This is life
and no one gets out alive
or unscathed.
At the same time, I can relate my life
to the same feeling
of watching that fighter
whom I could never stomach.
There is no rule that says
you have to lose
to know how to win
or that you have to get hit hard
to know what it means
to fight hard
or to get up and fight for your life.
Am I tested?
Have I been hit?
And am I still here?
My answer is absolutely to all three
of the above.
You can bet your ass
on this.
I don’t have to be hit
(anymore)
I don’t have to walk into a wall
(ever again)
to know that
I need to adjust my sights
enough for me to move on.
I don’t have to take a punch
to be able to face the next fight
or to face the next day
and make it successful.
Loss leads us to growth
but more losses
means
we are not paying attention
to something.
This means we are not learning
from our mistakes
or that we are losing to the same opponent
over and over again.
The only way to get through this life successfully
is to fight smarter,
not harder.
But that’s just me
and this . . .
This is how I see it
Life~
The Written Addiction 