And Oh, About That Thing

I used to know a life coach who was very special to me. He and I lost touch over the years, but his lessons have stuck with me. They’ve inspired me as well.
I can say a lot about this man, but this entry is not about him.
No, at least not today.
I remember the coach telling me to look for the five best things that you see each day. He told me to do this every day and said “this way, you’ll be looking for the good instead of the bad.”

I can say that I understand this. I can say that it’s too easy to see the ugliness around us. It’s easy to find hate and see anger or rage or pay attention to the fights between us.

It’s easy to find excuses and reasons to quit or give in. Better yet, it’s even easier to find reasons that lead us to quit before we start.
I get that.

I can say that I see something ugly at least once a day. Then again, I’m sure that number is a low estimate. At the same time, I am sure there is something beautiful around me or something wonderful or inspiring — and yes, I can agree that sometimes, especially when life is hard or when everything is unfair, or when work sucks, people get in the way, or the news has too many ugly reports to share or rebuild our confidence, or when there is nothing around to restore our faith in humanity; I know that it can be tough to look around and see the good. It’s easy to lose focus and hard to notice the decent, or the beautiful things that life has to offer.

There are times when we are certain that everything is for shit, or that everything is about to fail, or worse, there are times when the impending doom is so heavy that the mind is about to explode — or even more, there are times when the unthinkable and the insane seem to make sense because nothing else does.

This one is for you, my friend.

I received the phone call about your choices this morning. I heard this from your brother and thought to myself, Dear God, what just happened?

I was here.
I’ve always been here.
I would have taken your call at any time.
At the same time, this has nothing to do with me. This isn’t about sanity or the insane choices that seem to make sense when nothing else makes sense at all.
This has to do with a whisper that becomes louder than any scream and the desperateness that refuses to let go.

I can relate to this.
I can understand this, at least I can say that I understand this from my perspective. I’m not here to speak for you or anyone else. But like I said, this isn’t about me.

I have no words, except, I have a full and heavy heart. I have no judgment.
Besides, I heard the last person that walked on water died a long time ago, and as the story goes, people weren’t so nice to him either.

I am thinking about the five most beautiful things and how hard it might be to find them today. In fact, I can remember when I was young and taking sales courses.
I was told that for every fact, I must look to find a benefit.

The fact is, I lost a good friend this morning. The fact is we spoke recently, and he gave some help on an issue that was pressing to me. He was kind. And I would have never known where his head was, which means the fact is, my friend never knew how amazing he is.
(or was)

Beauty is a benefit.
Despite the ugly news, I can still say my friend is beautiful.

I think about the times we laughed. But the fact is those times are irreplaceable, and they will never come again. At the same time, I can say that I have a friend, regardless of where he is now.
The fact is I know someone who made a choice that was unthinkable and the fact is, this choice is irreversible.

So where is the benefit?
One could say that his pain is gone. Or one could say the fights in the mind could rest.
Or one could say that in my heart and in my moments of despair, or like anyone else in this world, I have hard times and tough bouts with painful decisions.
I am living through a time now where I am focused on rejection instead of looking for the beauty around me. My friend just taught me what happens when we focus on the ugly instead of the beautiful.

I can say that I know people. But you, my friend, no matter where you are, I can say the fact is you are still one of the best people I know.
I also know that the current cannot take away the past or the times or the memories.
Nothing is canceled, regardless of our choices.

So to you, I say sleep well, my friend.

Maybe one day you and I can sit down and talk. We can figure out a way to have someone make a phone call to get help before they choose a permanent solution to solve a temporary problem.