Before moving forward into anything else, I think it is only accurate to report that as I begin my day, earlier than the sun, head still heavy from an up and down sleep, body somewhat sore from life’s terms and an empty belly before breakfast, I must recognize that as I make myself ready to walk through another day, there are countless people who are going through their similar, everyday motions, and their everyday routine.
Life does not discriminate.
No, this is something that humans do.
Life happens to everyone. Some people might have it easier and some people might not be as genetically blessed or financially well-off. There are those who fit in the beautiful crowds and there are some who have an internal beauty that is often overlooked.
But this is life.
No one gets out alive and no one escapes without a scratch. I firmly support the idea that everyone is fighting a battle that no one else can see. The next part of this saying is “So, be kind,” but kindness is another thing that is either misbranded or overlooked.
I have seen proof of this. I have received messages from people who seemed otherwise heroic and who otherwise seemed as if they were placed on a pedestal. I have heard their confessions, so-to-speak, only to find out that, at best, they are only human themselves.
I try not to hold people in such a high or unrealistic regard. Or more, I realize that while people are heroic, people are also people which makes every one of us human. This means we are all able to fail or fall from grace, or to say things that we later regret.
So, now, and with all honesty, I will ask some questions with an understanding that there is no one standard answer. Since life is happening to everyone and since no one gets out of this alive, then my first question is what are we going to do now?
Since we are in the daily business of staying alive, and if this to affirm that we all have something in our lives that is unwanted or unfavorable, or painful, then here are a few questions that need to be asked:
How do you accept the unacceptable?
How does someone tolerate the intolerable?
How do you show up when your heart is broken?
How do you get by when you hardly have enough strength to get out of bed and put both feet on the ground?
I don’t know why questions like this are shunned or when we discuss our problems openly, there is always someone who comes around and says, “Don’t think that way?”
I say to hell with that.
I say to hell with burying your feelings,
I say I would rather hear you talk than have to talk to someone at your funeral because you couldn’t take it anymore.
In the case of the questions above, i have to admit that I’ve been told to stop thinking that way too.
Genius, I say.
How perfect, right?
How simple.
Just don’t think about it.
Just don’t talk about it.
Just move on. Right?
I think about this and shake my head. I think about the suggestions like the ones above, and then I think about the loss of a loved one, or worse, I think about the loss of someone who is still alive, but no longer in your life. I think about emotional pain.
If someone broke a bone and my answer to their problem was to tell them how they don’t need a doctor and that they should stop thinking about it, would this help?
My answer to this is no.
I can say that I am a person who literally overthinks everything, and as someone who lives with the weights of anxiety and irrational fears, or as a person who clings to the worst possible thoughts and while fearing them, I am also someone who has facilitated my worst assumptions to become true; and as this person, whether blessed, cursed, misunderstood, alone, or whether I am as common as the other early birds in the world, my best suggestion is give the mind work.
Give yourself something to do.
I have told you this before, and if this is not something that you remember, then let me say this again. I am at my best when I am here.
I am at my best when I hear my fingertips pounding the keys. As I type away, I can feel the unwinding and the relief, at least for the moment, and for the moment, here with you, I find that I feel safe or at peace, or at home, and at ease.
And ease is good.
You know?
But life is not like my morning ritual. No, life comes with fights, accidents, mistakes, and arguments with loved ones and break-ups, divorce problems, and yes, life most certainly comes with unfair moments and bullshit letdowns.
I seldom watch football anymore. This is not because I don’t enjoy the game, but more, this is because I don’t have the right blood pressure when my team is losing or worse, when my team is winning and the opposing team comes back and beats their ass.
I am a fan of combat sports. However, I don’t have the right blood pressure to watch when a favorite fighter of mine loses or gets beat up.
It is hard for me to see someone on the ground, bleeding, or after being punished. I can’t stand to see the look on someone’s face after being pulverized and bloodied into humiliation.
I say this because I relate this to times when I lost or failed in my competition, or in the sense of combat; I can relate to the feeling of being beaten, broken-faced, bloodied, and pulverized into humiliation.
I can relate this to times when I sat and prepared for interviews, and as I sat in a chair across from the reception desk, I looked around at the other possible candidates for the job, and thought to myself, I’m never going to get it or I’m not qualified enough.
I have to admit this kind of thinking is draining, debilitating, and painful.
So, I should stop thinking this way, right?
I agree.
However, I also say this is easier said than done.
My last interview went well enough to land me the job. In fact, my last interview went so well that I was told that I was impressive.
Me?
I’m impressive?
No. I thought to myself.
Wait until they see who I really am.
I can be impressive. I can be anything, but yes, if our thoughts dictate our feelings and if our feelings dictate our behaviors and our reactions, then I have to change my thinking in order for me to improve and to be at my best potential.
How do you change your thinking?
How do you unbreak your heart or save yourself from the old rituals and routines that kept your heart broken.
Change your actions.
Change your steps.
Give your mind work.
Replace thoughts with action or, in my case, I had to build this little mental workshop of my own, which is where I come every morning, every day, and I come here to meet with you.
I have to do this.
I might not be perfect, but at least I choose to start my day with something successful.
Save your own life.
Or as I heard someone say yesterday, “No one is going to un-fuck your life for you.”
So go and get on that shit . . .
Maybe some people might think this is crass.
But I heard this when I needed to hear it.
So now, it’s time for me to get on that shit and un-fuck my life on my own.
The Written Addiction 