I listened to the post fight interview of a professional fighter. This is a man who overcame previous losses and said, “adversity is a privilege.”
I had to think about this.
I had to think about the word “adversity” and what it means. I had to think about what it means to have to come back from a series of brutal losses, or what it means to be knocked down, or hurt, or punished in some way.
Or if I put the fighter aside for the moment and use this more as an analogy, I had to think about the string of recent losses or how it feels to be left for unwanted, or worse, I thought about the idea of adversity and what this means to me is to come back from the impossible.
But even more, I thought about what this means to do this and come back on your own accord.
Could you imagine?
Think about this.
Think about what it means to come back from a loss, or to stand and walk again when it was otherwise impossible to lift your head from the floor.
It is inaccurate to say that not getting our way will kill us. Heartbreak can make you want to die, but in most cases (and I stress the word most cases) no one dies from a broken heart. Although, it seems this way, at least to me.
And I get it!
Not getting our way can be painful. This can deflate the soul at times, and I don’t mean this is something that happens while ordering a meal and finding that our food was not prepared as we requested.
No, this is not adversity.
Adversity is when life unravels and nothing seems to work, everything is hard, and the pain, the fear, and the worry about your moment of bliss is too far away to see.
The horizon looks dim and the sun becomes evasive.
I understand this.
Adversity is the constant strain, yet I suppose the privilege is to learn that we can overcome.
Yes, we can get back up, and that, of course, we can find our place in the sunshine again.
No one has the right to prevent us from improving our life.
Not even us.
No one has the right to punish me forever. Not even me, understand?
Whether the problems that are mounting and building higher than the sky, or if one by one, something else goes wrong, no matter what the course ahead of me seems to be; I have the option to withstand and endure.
And let’s see . . .
Yes.
I have reasons to be hurt and sad.
Yes
I have reasons to stand and shake my fists at the sky.
I have reasons to curse and spit on the ground.
More than once!
I can count my series of losses over the last two years. And my losses have been great. My financial losses are enough to break the average heart.
I can detail my loss of comfort.
I can look at my professional setbacks.
I can see the loss of friends and considering my most recent loss, which is tragic of course, I can account for the loss of life, love, warmth, and the presence of good people around me.
I can understand the idea that comes when we say, “this is never going to get better,” or how we say, “I am never going to get over this.”
I think about the times I say this to myself, which are plenty.
However, I have to remind myself that never is a very long time.
Then again, there are times when the word “never” is fitting.
I can say that I am never going to be bullied again like I was when I was young. No one will insult me like they did when I was in the classroom. I can say that no one will ever pick on me, like they did when I was a salesman at my first real sales job.
My sales manager threw a stapler at me. He dumped garbage on my desk because my paperwork was a mess. But this will never happen again.
No one is going to come to my desk and take my chair away from me, ever again, and no one will ever tell me to stand because I am not making enough sales.
I can say this will never happen again.
I can say that I will never stand for treatment like this.
I can say that I am never going to be around certain people again too.
I might have to see certain people, either at random, or due to something unfortunate or because we are in the same place at the same time.
However, I am clear on this — some things never go back to the way they were.
Does this mean things can improve or be better?
Absolutely.
However, I suppose the ideas of improvement depend upon the secret of our endurance, our dedication to improvement, and our attitude to whether adversity is a privilege or a curse.
Life is not fair.
Right?
Maybe this is good.
Or maybe real life is like it was written by Robert Fulghum in his book, “All I Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten.”
This was a chapter when Fulghum talked about the time he helped a cicada free itself from its shell. The ugly bug was struggling and Fulghum helped the cicada open its shell to spread its wings and fly — but nothing good came from this. And just like the bug, sometimes our wings need the struggle to gain strength, so we can spread our wings and fly — or in this case, we lack the strength, like the bug, and because we didn’t build the muscle, we are at risk of being eaten by a bird which is what happened.
Maybe adversity is the resistance we need to learn how to stand back up again even when we can’t lift our head from the mattress.
By the way, there is a story to this cicada chapter, which is great, which is also not my story to tell. However, Fulghum is one of my inspirations and perhaps one of the reasons why I am still standing as a man and alive today.
Thank you, sir.
Your words helped me in ways you could never imagine.
I was thinking about good old, Mr. Louis Armstrong and how he sang the song, “What a Wonderful World.”
I was thinking of the memories that come to me when I hear this.
I was thinking about the man who sung these lyrics. I thought about how he came from a different time and who grew up with different adversities, yet Mr. Armstrong still sung, “And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.”
I know that the world is a beautiful place.
I know there are unseen treasures right in front of me or how the obvious is taken for granted. I know there is a smile beneath the muted heart and deep within us all is the light of hope, which can never be doused or extinguished, until the hour of our death (Amen).
And still, we are far more than we realized and yes, life is far more than we bargained for at times.
Is love real?
Am I?
I don’t know.
I was thinking about the fighter as he stood after his battle, bloodied and beaten, with the world championship belt around his waist.
Of course, his adversity was a privilege.
Look where this led him.
I’m not looking to be the champion of the world nor am I looking to fight anymore.
However, I am here, still, and I am up and moving.
My bones ache. I have pains that I never had before.
I have to be fitted with two hearing aids.
I have my health to consider and no, age is not always my friend.
I have to keep going. I have to keep pushing.
Is life real?
Am I?
Are you?
I don’t know.
But I know that I have too many things that are still unsaid and undone.
Perhaps I am emerging. Maybe I am evolving.
I am coming to a new version or understanding and maybe I am finding myself at a new, or higher level of awareness.
I don’t know. . .
Loneliness is internal.
I see this now.
This has nothing to do with my crowd or the people in my circle of influence.
I don’t need to be around people who destroy my sense of being or put me down or blame me for everything.
I don’t need to be in the crowd anymore nor is this attractive to me.
No, I suppose my wants and needs are more intimate and soft.
Or maybe I have gone soft in my older age — or better yet, maybe I realize that all the different particulars and the stupid abbreviated bullshit of daily life is just unnecessary.
I’m done with that now.
I know what I want.
And I know what this means.
Is this something that I can have?
Maybe . . .
Or maybe this is just a time when the page is about to turn, and the next chapter is about to begin.
I can’t say I’ll never be on top of the world, but understanding where I am and the adversity in front of me, so help me God, I will never allow myself to be where I am now. One day, I’ll be where I want to be
(next to you).
The Written Addiction 