The world has a way of putting us where we are supposed to be. I really believe this. Or, at least I want to.
I know this has to be the case.
Otherwise, the randomness of meeting someone would be nothing else, but happenstance, and in the case of fate and destiny, I choose to believe that there is no such thing as happenstance because deep down, I believe that everything happens for a reason.
i think we go and we stay or we turn around and open our eyes, because time unfolds and life has a way of making us aware that this is, or is not, what we want our life to be.
And me?
I want more.
I do believe in the cosmic value and the mystery of our true intentions. I believe in the unbreakable connections, which are timeless, and despite what we do or say, I believe that love is actually timeless and unchangeable.
We might change. We might alter our perception.
We might not understand our abilities or that what we have is far more special than we realize, and yes, of course, I do understand the unfortunate patterns of self-destruction and sabotage. However, and nevertheless, I believe that fate and destiny have a way of waking us up, even if it’s later in the game, or in my 50’s, I believe that fate and destiny can pull their trick at any moment.
Maybe that’s what this is all about.
I know where I have been and I know what I have done. I know that karmic debt needs to be paid in full and that interest charges and bullshit fees are unavoidable.
I know that I have tried to save my ass with lies before but in the end, my lies have cornered me in the most unwanted places, lonely and broken.
But I’m done being broken.
(Understand?)
I want more.
I can tell you this with all of my heart. I can tell you that memories lead to thoughts and thoughts lead us to feelings and feelings lead us to an innate chemistry otherwise known as the end result of emotion. This is the energy that is within us. This our chemical aftermath that produces joy or the chemical changes that release the thrill of passion or emotional pleasure.
This is also what releases the antithesis or the opposite; and more, this is the connection or the junction where choices can be made, such as be right, or be happy.
I think I’ll go with happy, if that’s okay . . .
I believe in this.
I believe in this, both fully and wholeheartedly. I believe that there are accidents and that there are forces which are far beyond our understanding and more than we realize, I believe in the purpose of souls, which cause us to move throughout the land. This is what causes us to bounce around life and to come back to the full-circle realization that opens our eyes, like “Holy Shit!”
Next, this is what causes me to understand that I have what I needed. And I’ve always had what I needed. Everything that I’ve ever wanted was always here for me, right in front of my face, this entire time. Only my fears and anxiety and constant analyzing and overthinking caused my hysterics and led me to go blind to what was clear for me to see.
I want more.
Then again, who doesn’t?
But if I get more, will I be ready?
Will I be prepared?
Will I strike at the right time, or will I pause with fear?
I do believe in the value of lessons. I believe in the urgency of timing and how time can dictate whether we are ready or prepared for the destiny ahead of us — and so, in fairness to ourselves and to our abilities, I further believe that sometimes life has to happen a certain way. Sometimes we have to separate so that we readjust and reconnect with our fate.
If I am to be clear and subjective, I suppose that by now,, at least I hope, I have learned enough to fully understand that this is important, and by any means necessary, I have to hold on to the fate and the destiny I have. You can’t let this go.
You just can’t.
Understand?
I say you have to hold this with all that you can because this is life and this is your soul screaming out. In my case, this is me and this is what I want from now until the hour of my death (Amen).
I mentioned the very first poem that I wrote in a previous entry, which I still remember. This is the only poem of mine that I have never forgotten and that I remember exactly as it was when I wrote it.
I remember the few times that I mentioned this with my mouth, and I remember the sentiment behind the words, to which this is the truest part of me.
If I listen . . .
I can hear you in my thoughts.
And if I look . . .
I can see you in my dreams
and on the movie screens
behind the walls of my eyelids.
But I only hope that someday soon
I will hold you in my arms
Forever ~
This poem means more to me than just about love. This is more than the idea that there is a place for me, uninterrupted and unbreakable. This is more than a thought about a cosmic connection. This is more than an idea of being with someone and more than a plea so that the Universe, and my Soul Mate and I can finally be on the same page, and make it work this time.
No, this is about me finding my place in the world. This is about me finding comfort and refuge. This is about the safety of truth and more, this is about our life, and about the way or the patterns, and the courses we’ve travelled, and lastly, this is about the defiance that life is random or happenstance.
No.
This is about the victory of finding our place on the stage. This is more than an idea of intimate or sexual commemoration, and this is more than the lustful or orgasmic result of two, entwined, because this is about something bigger. This is stronger, better, and more, this is about a connection and a sense of ease. This is about mutual peace and a sigh of relief that lasts from now until the end of time.
This is what it’s like to stand at the doorway of destiny and to walk inside, and be welcomed home.
That’s what this means to me.
I know all about my mishaps and mistakes. I know all about my consequences and challenges. I see them live and in person on a daily basis, and still, I show up every morning like an unemployed soul who is looking for the love of work.
This poem of mine is about finding the lost cause. This is about finding that key ingredient that was never really missing — it was simply just never added because I was lacking something. This means that I needed to learn more.
This means that time needed to pull off a trick, which was the lessons I needed to learn so that when the gift of the present unfolded, behold, I realized that this is the light and this is the way.
I had to learn that despite our flaws, our imperfections, or the stupid incidentals and meaningless arguments, and regardless of what went on or about who said what or who did what first — life has pushed and pulled us around, long enough.
We have been bounced around, long enough for us to realize that this is our life-support.
This is our heart beating, out-loud, and this is our soul crying out to the stars.
This is what we have been waiting for.
This is what fate and destiny intended for us, since before we realized that we are on an extended mission which has been set up like a pathway or a stream of visionary lessons, and all with different landscapes, and overlooks, sights and sounds — and as we come to fruition, or as this has all been set before us, etched in the corridors of fate, or as set in stone by the words of destiny (or The Almighty, I’m still not sure) this poem of mine is about the revelation that there is more to life.
There is something divine and supernatural about love, and us as we are, or the way life allows us to overlap after not seeing each other for a certain amount of time.
I don’t believe my heart can ever truly be broken. I realize this now.
Instead, I see how my heart rejects the imposters and the forced or coerced attempts because I was afraid that I would never get what I wanted, so, I settled for less.
Nothing in the world is more heartbreaking than settling for less.
My heart can never really be broken.
No, this is just an appearance of an unsatisfied moment. This is something which took place because deep down, I tried to push or pull or shape something when in all reality, fate and destiny have already shaped my paradise.
And thus, I need to remember that there is no substitute.
Not when it comes to paradise.
I believe this.
or should I say –
I need to.
The saying goes, “nothing worthwhile comes easy.”
I agree.
Nothing worthy enough to be unbreakable can be misshaped or lost. This means that you, as you are, and in whichever way your hips curve or your smile creases, this means that you are perfectly fit to be connected, like a puzzle piece, designed to be exactly where we are supposed to be.
I only hope that soon . . .
I can hold you
and all of this in my arms
Forever ~
I say this because as I grow, finally, I think I’m strong enough to carry this (and you) in my arms, as in, the way we’ve always been meant to be.
To hell with the accidents, I say nothing about this is accidental.
I don’t think life is unfair.
I think my relation to my choices is not always the best. However, this is where I am now, and this is why I am here:
to find you
to find my fate
and to celebrate this.
I want to enjoy this because one day, I am going to take a walk down the length of an empty beach, just to look to my side, and see you there
With me ~
The Written Addiction 