I don’t believe anything can stay the way it is forever. Then again, forever is a very long time.
And so is never. So, who knows?
There is something though . . .
There is something ongoing and constant, like the movement of time, which is us, which is the fact that we exist — at least in some kind of way.
Here are certain things that can never be stopped, like the process of age. Yet, no one can take away the fact that our youth is as real as we allow it to be.
I cannot say how I exist to you nor can I say how you see me. Our visions are different, even if we are looking at the same things.
I have my version of truth, and you have yours. I have my sense of touch and smell, and this is the same for you. However, as different as we are, we both have a core and a road and a path that we have travelled. We both have a way that our senses can hear, see, or smell something and just the same, these things can bring us back to a time and a place.
I swear, memory is an incredible thing. The body and the mind and our triggers that unleash memories are fascinating to me. They always have been. But I notice this more now. Maybe I should say that I notice this now more than ever.
My memories are mixed. I have old memories and good ones. I have memories that are better forgotten. I have a subconscious mind, which assumes, flinches with anticipation, and responds to my biased assumptions. These, above all, are the ideas, thoughts, and subconscious programs that led me to act preemptively.
I am thinking now about a life without the burden of ego or the setbacks of regret.
But for now, or at least just for now, I am going to unlock the tiny pages of memory to which I have stored in the pockets of my inner self.
For now, I am going to allow us to relax.
Just breathe.
Inhale and exhale, nice and slow.
For this exercise, we are going to visualize ourselves at a place to which I store in the most special part of my soul. This is my heart. This is my most precious jewel.
Imagine the white sands on an empty beach.
Palm trees. A soft, offshore breeze.
There’s a bright blue sky, clear as ever, and overhead, the sun is warm and beaming upon our skin.
The warmth is soothing, relaxing, and at the same time, the calmness from the warm glaze across our body is equal to the peacefulness of the waves that crash against the shore.
The waves come in to quench the shore and then relax before returning to the sea.
Nothing is pressing. No one is angry.
The past is history and gone.
There is nothing stopping us from enjoying the amazing sensation of the moment.
We are here and present.
There are places like this which are spiritual to most. But to me, this is equally religious, or God-like, in a sense.
There are places like this to which I consider my place of peace or my sanctuary.
This is where I come to heal. This is where I come to part ways with the unwanted and the unneeded. Moreover, I come here to find relief from the unnecessary.
I come here to experience the feeling of absolution. I come here to enjoy the perfect sense of reprieve and to indulge in the dispensation of the sun, the waves, and the sounds of birds as they fly above the sea.
Not everything stays the same.
I change. You change.
Fashions change. Music changes.
Landscapes are different and so is our relation to the past or the present. Either way, this place never changes.
Not for me.
Have you ever been at the beach at the end of the day before the sun goes down?
All the people are leaving. Yet, you are not moving.
No, all we do in moments like this is lay back and act as witnesses of the sundown.
The air is still warm and the sun glows with an orange hue that is like no other.
I have seen this. I have felt love, peace, and the satisfaction of being here, living well, and alive in the moment.
This is my peace.
This is a memory from a day, way back when.
This is my most special prize.
I have nothing else like this.
I hold this as something more precious than a diamond or pearls, or any other riches in the world.
I hold this as my most special place. Even if the world around this place changes, nothing about the warmth or love, or the beauty of this moment can ever change.
Not for me.
Blessed Father,
Restore my heart and soul.
Allow me the gift of the sea and let me lay in the sands at sundown once more.
Blessed Father,
Whether I am worthy of this or your grace, or not, I ask this with repentance at heart, and with my most humble surrender, please . . .
Let me find that same feeling.
Let me be restored, like I was.
Let me feel that process of redemption and above all, when the sun goes down, let me make the time to dance with all of my heart and not care who is around or if someone is watching.
For this, I pray
Amen
The Written Addiction 