A Way to Stop, Drop, and Let Go

Who am I if I am too reluctant to release my grip?
Even better, who am I if I am nothing more than strung, like a puppet to my past, and caught in the confines of who am I or who is anyone for that matter?
Is this not life?
Is there not an obvious line between the past, the present, and the future?

How helpful is it to hold the people who hardly regard us, as in seldom or never, and how much do we invest in relationships that come with no return?
i think this is a valuable question.

Very often the people we need most are mislabeled and without warning, they essentially become the people we need the least.
Only, we hardly knew this until life evolved or something was uncovered.
Life happened and we found ourselves in the worst realities.
We looked to see if our expected person was there – and then?
No one. . .

I am finding myself in a place that I have been to before. I am here as a stranger, but I am in familiar territory. Either way, I am here, nevertheless.
I am walking around this place, which I have never seen before and somehow, I know where to go and I know this all too well.

I am not here in some altered state of deja-vu nor is this a dream state or a state of emergency.
This is just another moment.
Give it a minute –
and let this turn to something else.

I have been here before.
Only this time, I am here like never before. Still, I am here, no matter what.
I am existing and waking to a new form of being.
I am entering a new chapter or concept of life.
That is all.
To all things, I am new. I am afraid.
I am childlike and filled with wonder. However, I am timid like a new kid in a grade school classroom and worried about not being invited to some popular kid’s birthday party.

Nothing about yesterday matters right now. Not the lies or the symptoms or the old versions of me. Yesterday is gone. I have to stop, drop, and let this go.

I have to open my fist and release my grip. I have to let go of the way I believed or thought.
I know this all too well.
I know about the older versions of me too.
We go back a long time.
In fact, we go way back like car seats.

I have to say goodbye.
I have to let go of the idea that I was somewhat unfit or mad and crazy, or was fueled by chaos and hellbent for the hell bound express. 

But no more.

Yesterday is behind me and so are the people, places and things that kept me stuck. I have to realize that people do come and, yes, people leave.
For good . . .
We split apart for reasons that are either good or bad, right or wrong.
Either way, none of this matters.
Symptoms are only alive because we never chose to solve the problems which caused them.

There is no way to re-litigate what took place. There is no way to regain the people who I thought were mine or that they would always be mine –
until one day, the lights went on but no one was home.
Understand?

“I thought you would always be with me.”
But always is a very long time and so is never . . .
However, truth is true, and there is always something that will never happen again and will always be things that will never be around for always.

Life is an everyday series of evolvements and changes.
I know this.
Intellectually, I know this very well.

Ah, so long to you my fears of loss.
So long and farewell, my past.
I am here at an intersection, or an otherwise crossroad, which is not say that I am at an impasse by any means.
No, this is just a new choice.

I am not far from home nor am I too far from where I am supposed to be.
In fact, I am here, which means this is exactly where I am supposed to be.
So, I might as well open my eyes wide enough to see the sights and take in the views and notice the sunsets or see the beach.

I am on a world tour of my own. I am on my way or on a train across the country. Without the means or the time to make this happen, I have to plan my days and take this trip into consideration.

I want to go and be and do.
I want to see and live and feel and laugh.
At the same time, none of this is possible if I refuse to take off and let go of my launchpad.

Dare I say this or dare I say anything at all, but I have to put caution to the wind and take a leap of faith, just like jumping in the air or flying in my dreams.

Why now?
Or, why not now?

Why me?
Or why not me?

Why not resign from questioning everything and accepting the challenges ahead?

Why is everyone so afraid to stop, drop, and let things go?
The future has a chance to be different from the past.
But not if we refuse to make this happen.
So?
I’m letting go.
How else can I move on?

Like I said, people are often mislabeled and live with titles that they do not deserve.
Me included.
But again, yesterday is gone.
I don’t live there anymore.
Neither do you.

And now for the colors of dawn and the rest of my coffee…
to start the day.