A Way to Stop, Drop, and Let Go

The idea which says, “take me. I’m yours” is one that comes with different responsibilities.
I know this now.
Perhaps, I know this now more than ever before.
Perhaps, this is due to my experience or the feelings I’ve had, or maybe this is a result of all that I have lost. But either way, I am here with you.
Yes, there is a reason for this.
There is a time for everything that exists between passion and pain. But either way, nevertheless, I am here just the same.

None of this is accidental, at least not to me.
I do believe in the lessons and the intentions of fate.
I believe in destiny and, with all of my heart, I believe in this and in every word that I send to you — and I say this to you with all of my heart.

So please, take me.
I am yours. If I am right about what I say and intention and destiny match the hands of fate, then I have to believe that I am here for a reason.
I have to be.
This means that everything that’s happened to me has happened for a reason.
The same goes for you too.

The idea that says “yes, I am ready,” is another idea that comes with responsibility. To go forward or move beyond where I am, I have to move beyond my limits. I have to defy my fears and the insecure whispers that have frequently led me astray.

I have to strengthen my own spine first, that is, if I want to be strong enough to carry you or love you with all of my heart.

I have to go beyond the clichés and popular affirmations.
I, me, you, us, we, they and them.
It’s all the same to me now.
Even if we are different.
But are we?
Are we really so opposite?
Because, if we are, then how is it that we want the same things?

I have to understand the undying truth.
Nothing worthwhile comes easily or freely.

Everyone pays a tax or a toll, and we all pay a price. Hence, these are the lessons of life, which can grow and become more costly if we choose not to listen.
And me?
I’m all ears now.

We all have debt, we all owe; but above all, we often forget that we owe the biggest debt to ourselves.
This means we have to pay ourselves first. We have to care whether we ate well or if we are overfed.
We have to live our best life because no one else is going to do this for us.
People can cheer. People can love us and stand by us.
But no one can live for us.
No one . . .

I suppose the real question is how do you become your own hero? How do you save the day for yourself? How do you do this on your own?
This has to be done, as in every day.
But how?
And sometimes, I can say this to reflect the emphasis on the labor and pain which comes with blood, sweat, and tears.

I see this as a critical decision. To live or exist, which one do you choose?
At the same time, no one is an island.
We are interconnected, at least in my eyes. Our paths can align and coincide, split, go around the world but for some reason, my path has led me back here to you.

There is too much between you and I for this to be coincidental or to say that we were only parallel. There is nothing happenstance about this, or us, or the fact that we have gone a million miles, only to come back to where we are now.
No, I cannot prove there is a heaven, nor can I prove that there are Pearly Gates that await us in the end.
I cannot say that the hands of time and the script of my life has been scripted by the angels above.
But ask yourself, how can anyone explain what it means to know of somebody for so long, and have them go off into the world, and then they come back? How can some arrive from a distant past, only to come back to become a part of your future?

I am a man of faith.
But I am a man who has experienced times, or maybe even years of doubt and abandonment.
Somehow, despite my sins and mistakes or even in the face of my unforgivable nature, I still believe.
I believe deeply and truly.
I believe in the following the same as I believe in you.
I believe that flesh is flesh. The body is the body. Blood is blood and the spirit is spirit.

I do not know for sure about the everlasting. However, I know there are some things that remain unbreakable, like the truth, like the fact that you and I exist.
No one can stop this from being true and no matter what, no one can take this away from me.
Although small or a smidgen in the history books, no one can deny what has taken place between us.
If this is even true, or if I am even real, then at least I can say that this is real and true to me.

I cannot say what comes after my last breath. Then again, I am not here to focus on the end of my existence. No, I am here to pay attention to the beginning.
Like this thing between us. Like now.
Right now.
I do believe that it is only by dying that one awakens to eternal light.
Moreover, I do not believe that we only die once, at least not from a figurative perspective.
I think we can die countless times. Or should I say that I have died at least a thousand times. Or, maybe more.
One has to die to be reborn.
Or so I suppose.
So then let me experience this as a rebirth.
Let me live. Let me do this.

I am here to be one step better than I was before.
I am here to grow so that I can save my own life.
I want to do this every day.
But also, I am here because I realize that being alone was not a curse.
No, I can say being alone can be a gift.
Being alone is a time of awareness.
This can be a period of reflection.
This can be a time of growth and a time to rebuild. This can also show me that I am far more capable than I ever believed.
All I have to do is live.
I don’t have to waste in the existence of some joyless pain or the agony of guilt and shame.

I can find myself empowered. I can go and be and do and I can stop, drop, and let go of the past details which have done nothing more than betray me.

I can see how I have grown or improved.
I can see how I have changed from one person and evolved into another.

Being alone is not a curse.
This is how we become better for ourselves so that we can become unstoppable together.
Understand?
I believe in the yin and the yang.

I understand the benefits of each lesson I have learned.
I can see this now and like I have said, I can see this more now than ever before.

My belief is still the same.
You are always the square root to your own equation.
So am I. And so are we.
We are the only source that matters — that is, if we choose to make this happen and allow ourselves to be together.
As I see it, this is what happens when we remove ourselves from the plural definition and next, we become the sole or singular process of how two bodies become one.

This is all that I want.

I think about the way people let things happen or how they live without protest. I see people survive the worst and, to me, it seems as if they’ve let the insults turn to vapor.
They let words roll, like water off a duck’s back.
Even better, I think about the adaptation of logic over emotion, or how the stoic can live and breathe without personalizing an unwanted life.
This is beautiful.
I see this as brilliant.
Or maybe it is personally heroic to allow oneself to be removed from unneeded things.
This is an incredible idea.
Do not be a target or, more importantly, do not become someone’s adaptation of adding insult to injury.

Step away when you need to.
Fighting the fools is foolish as ever.
Yet, we have allowed this to happen.
We have let the internal enemy dwell within our gates.

What I am about to say is nothing new to me.
I am no longer bothered when my so-called enemies hurl insults or look to growl or say unkind things.
This is them.
This is what they choose to do and how they choose to live.
What amazing holes they must have and what terrible emptiness they must live with to see me as that important. But I will stop here, because to go on with this would only cause me to digress.
And I’ve digressed enough.

I think about the unmovable souls who stand and refuse to bow or give way. I think about the underdog.
I think about how people of this caliber have ownership and the wherewithal of knowledge, wisdom, and understanding.
Each is independently useful, but each is in need of the other to create the flow of all three: Knowledge, wisdom, and understanding.
What is it to know something?
What good is it to have knowledge without the wisdom on how to use it?
We need to understand when to lean in and when to withdraw.
How brilliant!
I admire the underdog the same as I admire the hero because the two are one and the same.
But more, they understand the application of passion. They know when to move in, when to withdraw, when to invest, when to love, and when to give more or when to retreat, resign, or retire.

Even Matthew knew this when he said, “Do not cast your pearls before swine or share what is sacred unto dogs”
I refuse to take notice or account for my losses anymore.
Losses are gone.
Besides, this is about how to gain more.
Not lose more.

Do not waste your breath in the vacuum of emptiness because life cannot live in a vacuum.
And for the record, neither can decency or common sense.
I have learned this.
I have fought too often and learned too little.
I am wounded in so many ways. I am damaged. I am beaten and lost but I am humble.
I am meek, but I am mounting and gaining strength.
I am whittled down to this one undeniable fact which is this: I am only a man.
I am simple and truly searching for the one truth.
I want my life back. I want my heart back and currently, you are the holder of this.
You own more than you know and I say this without regret.
This is you
and I am yours (my love)

I want to step away from the beasts and demons. I want to get away from the hardwired assumptions that happiness is elusive and that love is an evasive thing. I want to refuse the notion that love and faith is otherwise unreal, or just a fairytale.

I cannot say whether I am strong or powerful.
It often seems as though I have never been strong at all, or at least this is what I fear.
Am I weak?
Is this too pitiful?
Well, if it is, then so be it.

I refuse to give way anymore or believe as if I am a fool.
I used to believe that I was pitiful and vulnerable, or gullible, like the mind of someone emotionally and intellectually incapable.
I assumed that I was like a fool or delayed like a challenged man, ignorant and uneducated with the mind of a child.

But I am not.

I never believed that I was strong, nor could I be strong.
However, I have always been strong enough to survive, which has to account for more than I realize.

I want to be strong.
Even better, since I am the square root of my own equation, then I want to solidify my roots.
I want to keep me steady and stop me from falling over.

I want my life to be better and beyond anything I used to compare myself to.

I cannot allow myself to drown in thin air anymore.
And neither can you.
No more settling.
All I have in this world is my breath and my bones, the blood in my veins, and the soul in my spirit.
All else is immaterial and superficial.

I am not sad that I was alone.
I am grateful.

It is only by dying that one awakens, right?
Well, I am awake now
and deeply in love
with you.

So, I’m ready.
Take me,
I’m yours
and I will be responsible for all that comes with this.
Believe me.
I promise.