And Then What?

I have been told
that life does not wait for me
or you
nor does time wait for anyone.
Nothing stops, everything moves
even when we are still,
we are still moving
in one form or another.

I know.

When I was young
I was told that I had to prepare for the world
yet, I was told
that I was too young to understand.
So then
why bother?

I was told
that I had to arm myself
for my upcoming battles
and I had to be ready
for the so-called journey
that we refer to as
Adulthood.

I was told that I had to prepare
and that I had to be ready
and that I had to learn how
to make an honest living.
I had to be an honest man
and be ready for the new machine
which is otherwise known
as Corporate America.

I was told this . . .
However, I bring news from the trenches
and reports from the machine,
which are as follows —
Corporate America is a lot of things;
however,
honest is not a word used
in my description.

Human resources are hardly human
and seldom resourceful,
to which I was told that if
I have a suggestion,
I should put my suggestion
in the round circular container
which sits at the side of a manager’s desk,
and gets emptied each night,
like
when the cleaners come
and take out the trash.

No one ever told you that people
play fair
nor is life a game — yet,
please be advised that life is a competition
and as for the nice guys who finished last,
they only did so
because they were not in this for the race.

No,
they decided to answer to a higher authority.

I was told to be careful
I was told to be mindful
I was told to keep your friends close
and your enemies closer.

I was told
trust no one,
don’t believe what you read
or, as Edgar Allan Poe once wrote,
“believe nothing of what you hear
and only half of what you see . . .”

And yet,
I ask you
what have we seen besides everything
and it would also appear
as if we have learned nothing
at the same time.

Hence, history can run the risk
and repeating itself.
Unless, of course,
I make the change because,
and whereas an item at rest shall remain,
at rest,
or an item in motion shall remain
in motion, unless altered by an external force;
therefore,
I shall change where I rest
and change my motion
to prevent my past from repeating itself
again, and ongoing.

I have been told that to be at my best
I have to manifest the life I want most,
unless, of course, the saying is true
which is in order to be the best,
you have to beat the best.

Often enough
the best I can do
is defy the demons
and stand up,
one more time,
by any means necessary.

I have never saved a life, per se
nor has my life been saved
yet, I can say
that I have been saved
several times and each time,
I was saved by someone different,
or otherwise known as
being brought back to life
by an alternate source.

There was one man —
His name was Mr. Mathias
to him, or to which I say:

Dear Sir,
My respect rests with you
wherever you are.

Some people do care
And you?

You were one of the “some”
to me
and one of the brave
and one of the teachers to me
to which I owe
an overwhelming sense of gratitude

I wanted to tell you this
for years too; only
word came back
and I learned that you died
from the same method
you saved me from.

You died alone,
hanging,
and I never had the chance
to say thank you . . .
you saved my life.

I have never saved a life, per se,
yet, I have seen something
recently, in fact,
which I refer to as the eyes of truth
and the soul of an angel.

I expect her soul
is like none other,
yet
she knowns nothing about her beauty
and sees herself in the mixtures
of memories and different aggressions
that range from mild to severe, and still
somehow, she chooses to be sincere
or gentle
or kind to the touch.

She laughs
she cries
she has no idea how I see her,
nor does she know that somehow,
I have always seen her, deeply,
like the depth of her eyes
which open me up
to the window of her soul.

I have been told
that when something like this comes to me
hold this, earn this, and love what this is
because what is can become what was,
— especially if what was
was never honored before.

She smiles
yet, she forgets how the wind
blew away her shade
and I . . .
I have seen her in both sunlight
and in the moonlight
and not even starlight can compare
to the glimmer I see
when she looks at me.

It is new to me
now
this world
unfolding and unraveling
and as I uncover my truths,
I unearth the madness
that kept me alive for way too long.

No one has ever saved my life, per se.
Or maybe this is untrue.
I was told that life is too busy
and that in order for me to live,
I have to save my own life
on a daily basis.

Okay . . .
I understand this
but,
have you ever looked into the eyes
of an angel on earth?
Trust me when I tell you
this is more lifesaving than you think.

Nothing can change me now.
I am the item that has finally
been altered by an opposing force.
I am exactly where I am supposed to be
here
with you . . .

I was told
that it is only by dying that one
is awaken in eternal life.

Or as it seems to me now
finally,
I am awake

With you~