Safe to say
that I have earned my place.
I have earned my spot here
or where I am.
And maybe it’s safe to say
I’ve earned my reputation,
because like it or not,
I have seen how outside interpretations
did not seem to match my intention
which means the rest of the world
is beyond me
and the same thing goes
with what other people think.
Safe to say . . .
I have nothing to prove
and nothing to lose
and thus
I have nothing to say to the judges
or to the critics
or to anyone else for that matter,
unless, of course,
I choose to say anything at all.
But why bother?
Why digress?
Why allow myself to be pulled backwards
or be reminded
of a life that was less mine
and more to the point
why live for a previous life,
which was nothing short of less-desired,
and why dissect what “could have been”
when I have the right to change my path
or be loyal to a better truth.
AKA: You.
Safe to say
that I have earned my spot,
that I no longer have to engage
or interact, or unravel the mysteries
of why some things happen
and why other things
did not.
Life shows itself
always
but looking deeper
than our superficial flesh wounds
is something that requires
the honesty of hindsight
and the effort it takes
to make us better.
Safe to say
the dark is not as frightening
as I assumed
nor is the truth — for that matter –
but like the dark
I was never afraid of the darkness
itself, but more,
I was afraid of what lurked inside.
I was afraid of the unknown shadows
that had no real definition,
but just an imagination
run wild.
Safe to say
that how I am now
is how I have always waned to be.
It’s just that,
to be honest . . .
I was never brave enough to do this
before.
I was never brave enough
to say what I have to say
and be true to my convictions.
I was never brave enough to admit
that I was weak
and I was never tough enough
to admit that I was afraid
which is tough enough to say here,
let alone to the world
or to scream this out loud
as in live, and in-person.
I never wanted to be what I was
but what I was
is based is a compilation
of misperceptions, which are all based
on the inaccurate version of self,
as in me
or as in me, myself, and I.
Or while I refer to myself by speaking in threes,
or at risk of speaking about myself
in the third person,
—then let me be clear . . .
I have always been me, myself
and I,
as in this is me in three parts,
or,
this is me in my own trinity
which are the mind, body
and soul,
and a child of a lesser Father
and of a lesser Son, and Holy Spirit.
Safe to say,
although I grow older
I have not always grown wiser
and hence, yes,
I know
I have made my mistakes.
Safe to say
who I am with you now
is both who and how
I have always wanted to be.
I never wanted to be a soldier
of misfortune
nor did I want to lose myself
in the fits of emotional battles
or lose to the wars of self-destruction.
I never asked to go missing
or drown in the swamps
of emotional quicksand
Safe to say
we don’t have to fight anymore
and safe to say
we don’t have to argue
or say another unkind thing.
Safe to say
we can walk away from all that held us back
and safe to say
we can refuse to engage with the ideas
that did nothing but keep us sick.
I am well aware of the opinions
out there
and no, not all of them are good,
but not all are bad either –
Either way
I only have one reflection to face
at the end of the day.
Safe to say
there is only one face
which I see in the mirror
and only one name
that is branded on my heart.
Safe to say
this is life
or life as I know it . . .
and for now
what I know is this — how I am with you now
is how I have always wanted to be.
It’s just a case of timing
and the opening of awareness.
Or this could be more
that I was feeling sick and tired
of being sick and tired
and more than anything
safe to say
I was sick and tired
of how my life was
before you —
If it is only by dying that one
awakens to eternal life
then perhaps I should realize
I have died while being alive
countless times
and, safe to say
we all die sometimes
I just don’t want to die
of the same things anymore
You know?
The Written Addiction 