What has to happen?
This is a great question.

What has to happen for us to be happy? What has to come first?
Do we need to see the world from a different perspective? Do we need to see another catastrophe before we decided to make ourselves a priority?
Or do we need something to start a flame, a fire, or at least a spark that starts the engines in our heart?
What has to happen for us to be happy?

I love these questions. I love the way they make me feel.
I love how they make me think about the contrast between the before and after.
That was before. This is what happened after.
I like this. I like this a lot.

I am getting better now.
Perhaps this is because time has made a change in my heart.
Or maybe time has shown me something about myself, which I have finally dared to improve.
Or maybe this is because of the way I feel now.
Either way –
Ready or not, here I come.

I realize that the more I go forward, the more I expose, and the more I expose, the more I realize that I have much more to say. At the same time, there is no one else to speak with. There is no authority.
At least, there is no one but us.
Thankfully.

The idea which says, “take me. I’m yours” is one that comes with different responsibilities.
I know this now.
Perhaps, I know this now more than ever before.
Perhaps, this is due to my experience or the feelings I’ve had, or maybe this is a result of all that I have lost. But either way, I am here with you.
Yes, there is a reason for this.
There is a time for everything that exists between passion and pain. But either way, nevertheless, I am here just the same.

None of this is accidental, at least not to me.
I do believe in the lessons and the intentions of fate.
I believe in destiny and, with all of my heart, I believe in this and in every word that I send to you — and I say this to you with all of my heart.

This one is not written for anyone else.
No, I suppose like anything else, this one is selfish and yes, this one is for me.
At the same time, this is all about you.

My love . . .

I am better now.
I fell before. And it was hard to get up.
I saw the world around me and looked at everyone with envy.
Sometimes, I looked around and saw people with contempt or disgust.

I questioned everything. I questioned myself.
I overthought and overanalyzed.
I picked apart the pieces of my so-called life.
I fell down. I cursed the sky.
I thought that this was me.
“Is it just me?”
If so . . .
Why?

I don’t know what beauty looks like to someone else.
And I don’t know what the word beautiful means to you.
I don’t know what you see or as I have said before, I have no idea what the color red looks like through your eyes.

I know that we are all taught about color or what color looks like. We have all been taught about the colors of the rainbow, as in red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.
I remember when this was broken down to an acronym in grade school.
We were told to see the colors of the rainbow as our friendly person in the sky named, Roy G Biv.
Remember?

I suppose I should compose myself and start here with a thought that was intended for you. Then again, this is for you and only you.
I believe everything I write is for you and for me as well.
There is no one else in the world.
No one . . .

You know this, right?
Who else is there?
I see no one else, except for the distractions called, people, places and things.
Of course, there is always the past, which gets in the way of our future sometimes.
But that can be a thing of the past.
if we allow it to be.

Before I go forward, I offer this as a disclaimer.
The following statements are true. They are not all that defines me. However, in the case of stopping or when it comes to dropping the unwanted features of my life, and in my plea to let them go, I have to be clear.
I have to be honest. I have to be thorough and unwavering to the point where my honesty might seem brutal. In the same breath, I exhale with all I that have. I breathe in again and then I exhale once more and continue because if this is what it takes, then this is what it takes.
As for the next part, well?
So be it –

Live like there is no tomorrow.
I have heard this saying many times throughout my life.
I am hearing it again. Except, I am hearing this differently for the very first time.
Just live.
Just do it.
Go. Or live like your life depends upon it.
Live like there is no tomorrow and like our life depends on this because, in all fairness, your life does depend on it.

There is no more time to live and worry. There is no more time to exist and not live life to its fullest.
“Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.”
This was a line my Mother used to type when she was warming up her typing skills.

I am unsure if I am a good man or not.
However, now is the time for me to come to the aid of my life and to not only live accordingly, but I have to live to the best of my ability. Otherwise, what’s the point?

I cannot say that I know much. I am not sure why life happens the way it does nor can I explain how good things happen to bad people or bad things happen to the good ones.
I wish I knew you more.
Or better, I wish I was able to share more of myself with you.
I am simple. I have worries and fears, the same as anyone else does. I can be kind and thoughtful. I can be generous. I can also be the opposite of all these things.

I chose to begin this journal to recognize that the following is true.
Sometimes, we have to stop, drop, and let go.