And Then What

I will make this one simple —
or, rather than think about what to say
I will let my heart speak for me
and you can do
what you want with this
or take these two parts
and do with them as you will.

1)

Rainfall

And somehow
the world gets put on hold
for a while.

Everything stalls
or moves as if to fall to a quiet hush
and the sound of raindrops
soothe the soul.

I don’t mind this.
I don’t mind when the rain is heavy
and I can hear the droplets crashing
like wild troops of tiny soldiers
landing and teaming down the rooftop
to complete their mission.

Yesterday’s dream,
tomorrow’s memory . . .
either way.

Life is moving.
Life is happening, always
even in the absence of the sun,
which we all know that She is still there,
even if (or when) the sun
has not appeared on the scene —
She’s up there,
always.

And we know this.

I can think of things to do
on days like this
which have nothing to do
with what I call
grown folk’s business
or being responsible.

I need a day like this
with you
with me
without any interruption
or without any thoughts
or anything else to break the silence.
I want nothing else
except, of course, the positions
we choose in bed or how we lay
on the couch or how many times we make love
or the movies we choose to watch.

I love this . . .

The rain is falling
and somehow, no one else exists.
There is no need to check for messages
or look to see who might have reached out.
No emails.
No texts.
No posts or social media.

Nothing.

Just two people
who chose to see the rainfall
as a perfect day to ditch class, so-to-speak,
and play hooky
like we did when we were kids.
(Remember?)

Life is complicated
yet, life is simple now
like it or not.

Everything has been stripped down
or taken away
and while I have much to be thankful for,
I am alone, at least technically,
or perhaps I can say this
figuratively speaking.
I am alone quite literally too,
which is not to say
that this has not happened
for a reason.

And sure . . .
I know all about it.
“You made your bed, now lay in it,”
Right?
Or, I can say that I have laid in my bed
and so,
now I have to make it.

Perhaps this is the same thing as saying
I have to clean up my own mess.

I agree.
I do.

Summer is slipping away
and so are the sands that fall
through this chapter’s hourglass
and so,
autumn is on the way.

But I don’t mind.
I don’t mind the variation of color
or the way you might look in a sweater
or how the contrast might look in your eyes,
when
the leaves change from green to red,
or orange and yellow
and New York moves to the look
of a whole different scene.

I say everyone needs a day
when they cancel
their daily subscription of bullshit
and nonsense.

I say love needs days like this too,
— to repeat an action between the sheets
or to sit in a bathtub
the two of us, together
and listen as the rain falls outside
and in the middle of all this,
two souls decide to take a trip to nowhere,
and order in some Chinese food
just because we were in the mood
for some beef lo mein
and some mu shu chicken.

2)

I say that yes,
there is something to this.
There is something loving
which happens when we prepare a meal
made for us, by us,
and to me,
there is something loving about
the ingredients we choose.

Take a simple dish
like a pasta
with some sauce
and, of course, a few chili flakes
to add a little heat.

Think about the way
the pan heats up
and the ingredients give off
an aroma,
and you can smell the food
and the sauce I make
and you can almost taste the results
and feel the love in every spoonful.

I love this.

I am far from a chef,
but I do understand what it means
to cook with intention
or to make something with love.
I know how to feel this at my core
and wait with excitement
and with hope and anticipation
just to see your face
and watch your eyes open wide
when you taste it and say,
“it’s good!”

I do not have much anymore.
No, I suppose my kingdom
has been reduced to a much smaller
and less-desirable place
and my so-called royalty
has been reduced to something
less preferred.

My diabetes has not been so friendly
and the steroids
only proved to be fleeting
but moderately helpful.

I look okay (I guess).
I’m in good shape, at least.

I can say that I am okay
physically speaking.

But, and in all fairness,
I know the one thing I could use
but this is not in the cards for me,
at least not right now.

I could use a day
when all is fine enough to disappear
and the rain outside
is a good enough excuse
to do nothing else but play hooky,
make love,
take a few naps,
and watch a few movies
with you.

And sure,
I get it.

Today ain’t the day.
That’s okay.

I’ll wait . . .

Unless, of course,
you can’t
and you have a better idea
in which case, I say
trust me . . .
I’m all ears.