And Then What?

I believe a person can look and see
but still never know
what it’s like to live
or breathe or feel
or know what it’s like to find themselves
and understand what it means
to be missing
or come up short.

No one will ever know
what it feels like
to experience touch
from my side of the skin.

And I can say this is lonesome
or I can say this can be
like being elsewhere
and the rest of the room
seems different, or lucky,
or maybe it’s more true
or more accurate to say
that everyone else seems better off
or gifted.

But again
if you don’t know, then you don’t know
and if you don’t know what it’s like
to sit in someone else’s skin,
or walk in someone else’s shoes
or feel what life is like
from their side of the skin,
then how can anyone say
they truly understand?

You will never know
what it’s like for me to feel you
from my side of our choice,
and no,
you will never know
the incredibleness of what it means
to be next to you, or in your company,
and I can say this
without mistake and I can tell you these things –
I can say all of this to you
and yet I believe
that my words will always
come up short.

No one could know
what it feels like to be me
or you, and
no one will ever
truly understand what it feels like
to be me, or to be you
or to be us together.
Everyone out there has an opinion
I’m sure
and everyone has their own judgement
and everyone has their own broken windows
that came from throwing stones
in their own glass houses.

I know . . .

I will never know what color
looks like from behind your eyes
and I will never experience sound
from within your ears.
Like, say, take how the waves
approach the shore.

I know what this sound means to me
and I know that we can both identify
the way seagulls cry out
when flying over the shoreline.

I know we can both look at the sunset
as it goes down over Point Lookout
and I know that we will both see
how the horizon turns into multiple shades
of gold and orange.

And this is good to me.
No, wait
The word good is an understatement.
Saying this is only “good” falls short
because while you might not see the world
through my eyes,
at least it’s enough to know
that I am not alone
and sometimes,
it’s worth enough to know
the world is not such a lonely place
with you and me in it together.

Then again,
being alone is just another word
that no one will ever know
what it feels like to live this way
or how it is to be alone
on this side of the skin.

Being alone
is not the same thing
as loneliness,
and being naked is not the same
as being exposed
or feeling vulnerable.

I say this to the world:
Listen to hear.
Listen to understand.

These are great things
and these are things
that are far greater than
people who listen to answer
or people who listen
just to know how to respond.

Some people
answer out of authority
and lack the sensitivity to at least
try and understand.
But this is not so or this is not true
if you ask them . . .
but again
this is them
and this is life
on their side of the skin

And see?
See that right there?

This is what happens when
life is lonely in the crowd.
This is what it’s like to be a stranger
in familiar territory.
This is what it’s like when people
are supposedly together
and feel abandoned
while living under the same roof
or even sleeping in the same bed —and I mean,
sure,
there’s always someone around
to hear what you say
but no one is there who listens enough
or cares
or sees what it means to you
when you drown in thin air.

Therefore,
this is why I resigned from the ranks
of my previous positions.
Talking to someone about
“what’s going on,”
should never turn into a debate
or a fight and become
some ongoing argument.

Sometimes, we talk . . .
not just to find an answer
but oftentimes,
we want to be heard
or listened to
without a response.

No one here is an authority
and no one really knows
what it’s like
to be on this side of the skin.
No one should make you ashamed
of being who you are.

But no matter what
I know there is plenty of hope to be had
and there is more in store
than the letdowns we see.

However, and I say this with faith,
there are times when
a touch comes
which is healing,
almost like when Mother
moved the hair from your face
when you were a little kid
and sick in bed.

Sometimes,
there is a look or a touch
or smile, a kiss
or a voice
and while they may not see
or know what it’s like
to be on your side of the skin—
at least you can wake up
to the thought and the ideas
and the feelings which say,
“they may not be
on my side of the skin
but at least I know
that someone is on my side.”

And that right there
is more than enough.

This is what it means
to be seen as beautiful
and while you cannot see beauty
from behind my eyes,
I figured I’d try my best
to tell you what I see
or how I see things
when I look at you.