And so,
if there ever was a goal
I wonder what it was
or what happened
or when we decided
to abandon them
like something lost
along the way . . .
Or wait
maybe this is like the way time
puts distance between us.
I wonder when it was
that I stopped wondering
about the dreams
that went deferred.
Where did they go?
Or, if at all,
were they even real?
Our dreams,
I mean.
It is morning here
and in the same way
it is evening somewhere else.
We are about to tilt further
from the sun
but the southern hemisphere
will tilt inward
to which I say
I wish I was down south
right now.
I swear,
this life of ours
is one phenomenon after another.
For example,
look at the way our seasons change
and somehow divide us
in different degrees of warmth.
And make no mistake,
there is warmth to be found
in wintertime.
Of course, there is.
We just need to know where it is
or where to look.
Look at the way our life is cyclical.
The tides at the shore come in and out.
We breathe in and out too.
We have good times
and, of course,
there are days in our life
which I’m sure
we wish we could forget.
Or think about how some nights we sleep
and some nights
we lay awake and look at the ceiling
thinking about random things
or wishing we could take back
some of the things we said
or did.
Maybe we rethink our life’s choices
and find ourselves
swimming in our own regrets.
And some nights . . .
man,
I look at the clock
and count the minutes
before my alarm goes off.
I do this to calculate the time,
as if to see if I could sleep
and, of course, I do this
right before it’s time to get up
and the alarm goes off.
Tomorrow marks a day
that makes it official.
This makes it 53 times around the sun
I am unsure if I know how this happened.
53 years . . .
of course, my question is this –
What have I done?
Or what haven’t I done?
What have I left unsaid
or undone
or, if at all,
what have I learned to do-over
so that I do not find myself
in the same place twice?
At the same time
there are places
that I would like to see again.
There is a day in Greenwich
that I remember well.
I remember the marina . . .
There was a day at the beach
which happened recently.
I found the perfect shell
from a snail called a Whelk.
Not too many things in life
are perfect, but the shell is
or was. . .
or will always be, that is
if I have anything to say about it.
I could be fine to relive those days.
I could be fine to take a day
and leave the world behind
and I would be fine
to disregard the phone
or the problems of the masses
and I would be fine
to disregard the rest of the world
and take a nice long drive
to nowhere.
I would be fine to have a nice meal
at home though, and listen top some good music
but with no outside interruptions
of course.
I would be fine for a good night’s sleep
and I would be fine
with a happy birthday wish
that comes from someone random
who circled back
just to let me know
“hey, I remembered.”
Safe to say
that I have some growing to do
and safer to say
that I have some healing to do as well.
Safe to say that
the world is like our seasons
and sometimes,
the weather is kind
and the sun is friendly.
Sometimes, the winds are warm.
And some days,
the rain seems like it might never end.
On second thought,
I remember the last big rainstorm.
And do you know what?
I would love to relive that day too.
Not all that glimmers is gold
they say.
And soon,
winter will come
and the sun will lose its warmth
(for a while).
I don’t mind though.
I have some good ideas
on ways to appreciate the small things
and then I can learn new ways
to keep us warm.
The Written Addiction 