And Then What

I think it is important
to know that at some point,
you have to allow yourself
to go crazy.

You know?

You have to let your body free
and feel how it feels
to defy the senses
or be wild enough
to steer away from complacency.

I swear, there has to be something
that gives us the excuse to let loose
and refuse the commonplace life.
And there is such a thing
by the way.
There is an escape
that allows us to step away from
the mediocre or boringness
which we are made to live, every day
and walk the line
like sheep.

I swear,
sometimes,
you have to let the music play.
You just have to.

You have to dance.
You have to scream
to the music
and let your defiance
tell your story.

You have to allow the heat
and the sweat pour from your body
while dancing crazy,
or perhaps I can say this
the same as a song from my youth
once taught me –

“Acting like a maniac . . .
. . . .whiplash!”

I love that idea.
I love the permission this gives me
to be perfectly insane
and unapologetic about the need
to bleed and surge
and be fast like the music
and the anthems of my youth.

But rather than digress
or confuse this with a different genre
of music, or leave this up to taste,
I understand the theories of insanity
can vary and be relative; whereas
one person’s sanity
can be another person’s madhouse
— but still, either way
I firmly believe in the need
to let your hair down, so-to-speak,
and go crazy.

Absolutely.

I believe that one can literally
lose their mind
if they don’t allow themselves
the right to lose their mind.

Every so often
you have to slip away.
You have to go crazy
to keep
from being crazy
if that makes sense.

So, go
sing, dance,
take a day off.
play hooky, see the sights
and do something, or be somewhere else
for a change.

Let the humdrum
of your everyday existence
be free enough
to take a break
and be a little bad
for a while.

It’s okay to do this
we can come back
and pick up where we left off
or we can pick up the pieces
and feel justified because the dance
was worth every minute.

I admit
that my styles have changed and that
stylistically, my version of having a good time
is not the same as it was when I was younger
or able to be a younger or be
a super-version of myself.

I admit that my needs have changed
and that my intentions
are not the same as they were
when I wore the uniforms
of my younger rebellions.

I do remember though —
the first time
I saved enough money
and walked to a music store.
This place was across town.

I bought my first cassette tape
for my Walkman,
which is an outdated technology
for sure—or obsolete, outdated
and antiquated, to be
more like it.

It was raining out
and . . .
I walked across my town
with headphones on my head.
The music was wired to my ears,
and I felt alive enough
not to care about the light rain
or the powers that be.

The name of the band
was Black Sabbath.
The name of the album
was Black Sabbath
and the title of the first song,
was Black Sabbath
as well.

I was longhaired and crazy
and looking for some kind of anthem
to rescue or speak for me.
And this
was perfect for that.
I wanted to find a voice
or to hear something
that sang
and screamed about the rage I felt
or the disdain I had
for my common existence.

I remember the first time
I heard Jimi Hendrix . . .
and I recall when I heard an album of his
for the first time,
“And the Gods made love,”
came on as the first song
with no real words,
which were indistinguishable
and different but not distinct; however,
this introduced the album
in such a way,
that the title, “Electric Ladyland”
made sense to me
and the album itself
would sink into my memory
and last me lifetimes
or maybe even longer.

And again,
I do not want to confuse this
with my taste in music
or explain the genres I choose
because, in all fairness,
I think we all need to use
something like this to trigger the soul
and let ourselves go.

I have different ties
to different bands
but at the core
the reason for this
is because music
makes us feel.

I agree too
that music can soothe the soul
or tame the savage beast.

At the same time,
I can think of songs
that allowed me the right
to incite my riots that came from within,
and therefore, I felt no pain
no fear,
and for a while,
I could listen while the songs
sang about the contents
of my soul.

The timeline of my life
is musical
to say the least
which is why a song can play out of nowhere
and remind me of how it feels
to be young again.

I have told you
that I am not the same
and that I have changed
or at my age and my rebellions
have shifted to memories
of life when I was younger
or crazy.

I allow myself
the right to explore the art of music
and therefore, I refuse to limit myself
to only one brand
or one style.

And, too,
while I understand my version
and your version of art
are not the same,
I can offer you this—

Same as I believe
that everyone needs to lose their mind
to keep from losing their mind,
I think everyone needs to
take a slow dance
with someone beautiful
or with someone who swells
the heart
or makes it beat faster.

I think
everyone should have a slow dance
at least once
to let your heart know
that it’s okay to feel
or think, and it’s okay
to weep with the purity
of feeling someone’s chest
close to you.

Meanwhile the piano plays and the song sings.

I think it is important to dance slowly
and gently too, I might add.

Or as this pertains to me
and you, or as I hold you closely;
I think it is important
to give a physical meaning
to the lyrics which sing
as follows—

“When the evening shadows
and the stars appear
And there is no one there
to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.”

I chose to offer this song
because I can relate
because
I would “go hungry”
and I would “go black and blue”
and I would “ go crawling down the avenue”
because it’s true
the way you make me feel;
there is nothing that I wouldn’t do
to make you feel my love.

I wasn’t around
when time began
but I know that on the first day
God said,
Let there be light.

I wonder what band
He was listening to
at the time.

Maybe He’d have chosen
something classical
or something contemporary
or maybe God was a Hendrix fan too
and the song Electric Ladyland
played in the background.

One day . . .
I’m going to marry you
and trust me when I say
I will do my best
to make that first dance say it all

To make you feel my love.