So, What’s It Gonna Take?

And it dawns on me sometimes.
You know?

This is called an awakening, I suppose. Or maybe this is a moment of clarity and a time of awareness that wakes me up to the truth.
I can call this a moment of realization whereas, times are tough, and the threats are many, but the spine cannot bend anymore, and the will is too tired of being weary or submissive.

There are times when the consequences are no longer intimidating enough to cause us to sit quietly.
And next, our will and intent outweigh the gravity around us.

It’s okay to speak up.
It’s okay to speak your mind.
It’s okay to refrain or refuse to engage.
And that’s fine.
Avoidance can be an excellent tactic.
But make no mistake, there are times when your voice is necessary.
Sanity is sanity.
Dignity is dignity, and sometimes, the only way to save them both is to stand up and speak out, even if this makes you look crazy.

And sometimes, all you can do is breathe.
All you can do is gather the pieces of your heart that were shattered and disappointed.
Sometimes, all you can do is salvage what’s left of your soul and walk away without saying a word, or without an explanation.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is stand up and walk away because in the end, no one else has to be satisfied with the reflection you see in the mirror — except for you.

I am mindful about the consequences of this.
I know that walking away is not easy.
I know that speaking up can leave a mark or alter relationships to become unfixable or irreparable. But if this is so and if a relationship was valued enough to be important, then perhaps people would regard us better, or at least differently.

Be clear about something.
Not everyone is in favor of our personal transformation. No, there are people who would much prefer that we stay as we were.
Not everyone will be a fan of your changes.
No, this is not the case when it comes to people who depend on another’s weakness or thrive on someone else being the scapegoat and the one to blame.

Anyone who points and blames has their own skeletons to hide.
No one has the right to judge or persecute, yet, we see people do this all the time.
I have been dishonest.
Yes.
I have lied.
I have done and said bad and unforgivable things.
At least I expose this here, unlike others who enjoy their accusations when meanwhile, their own sickness is thicker than their secrets.
I know this because I know their secrets and still, I never told anyone.

I was told that Socrates once said, “When the debate is over, slander becomes the tool of the loser.”
I don’t think there needs to be a debate for this to happen.
Slander is a tool.
I agree. Absolutely.

I say that hate and rage, resentment, envy and jealousy are all symptoms of attacks like this.
I say that so long as we are uncomfortable or if we have a feeling or discomfort, we are always going to look to either justify or avenge our losses, so-to-speak.

Some people have nothing better to do than try and assume a position of power, which is an obvious stem from their inadequate or inferior personalities, which use other people as firewood, whenever their heart grows cold.

I see this all too frequently.
I see people talking about others who are not in the room.
I see people go for the necks and use gossip and their out-of-context examples like a weapon.
I have seen this used like a scalpel to socially execute and slit their enemy’s throat from ear to ear.
I see this all the time too.
But this is what enemies do.
Am I right?

I wonder though.
I wonder why so-called friends or people who pretend to be goodhearted look to enjoy stirring the pot.
Why do this when all this does is fuel the machines in the rumor factories.
Understand?
This is what turns the gossip mills and spins the stories, round and round.
This speaks volumes about people,
at least I think so.

No. I have no time for this.
I have no time to survive like a rat or throw people under the bus, just so I can feel better about the wrongs that I have done.

This dawns on me too, sometimes.
It dawns on me like a brand new sunrise to which I can see the light ahead of me.
I can make a choice.
I can stand up and walk away.
I can do this right here and now.
I don’t have to sacrifice the confidentiality or expose the secrets I was told.
No, the kind of man I want to be is the kid who can keep my word, even after the friendship is over.

I can make a change.
I can slide myself away from the table, stand up, and I can turn and go.
Just like that. No warning.
No explanation.
Just go.

I can excuse myself from the family, personal, and the social bullies in my life.
I can decide to draw the line right here and right now.
And no one can stop me.
Some might not like it . . .
But I can refuse to surrender another inch of my ground.

I can fight back too, which is necessary at times.
Or I can maintain my dignity and my sanity and refuse to engage, regardless of what’s said or done.

I have been hit by rumors before.
I get hit by them often too.
At the same time, I refuse to spin the wheels or repeat what I’ve heard or seen —regardless of who said what about me or what they’ve done behind closed doors.
I know about secrets.
If I wanted to shoot for the heart or use gossip as a scalpel, I could do this too.
But why?
Who benefits?

How would it help the other parties who are involved with this information?
What would the ripple effect be like and what about the innocent casualties of emotional warfare?
Does no one else see this?
Does no one else care who gets hurt?
Then again, this is a case for a moral person and immoral people do not care at all, least of all about me or my life.
So rather than return fire, I walk away because I know enough to realize that wars are expensive. If at all possible, I’d like to keep the peace as best as I can.
At least, for me.

I am aware enough to know that most people cannot pass their own tests.
And neither can I.
But at least I’m trying to be better.

I recall a scripture that talked about when The Son of Man was about to be persecuted by Pontius Pilate.
Pilate explained that he had the power to free or condemn The Son of Man to which, The Son replied, “You would have no power over me, had it not been given to you from above.”
I have been thinking about this all morning.

I am far from The Son and far less deserving of such grace.
However, I see bullies and slander and any of our emotional captors in the similar sense.
No one can have power over me, had it not been given to them by me in the first place.

I remember an old friend used to tell me “never let anyone life rent free in your head, kid.”
I used to assume this is easier said than done.

Maybe this is easier said than done.
Or maybe this is as simple as a decision.
And then it dawns on me.

Sometimes, our worth and sanity and our personal and emotional health is far more important than fighting with fools.

Besides, who is the fool anyway?
The fool themselves,
or the fool who argues with them.

And me?
I’m done arguing.