So, What’s it Gonna Take?

Of course, you and I have a past. We all have them.
Of course, our past has mapped out the ideas of how we should live or be in our future.

Of course, our past has ways of shadowing the future, if you know what I mean.
Our past can alter our perception or shade the way we experience joy or feel sunlight on our face.
And to be clear, our past has ways of intercepting our beliefs and leave us doubtful.
That is, of course, if we allow this to happen.
And most often, we do.

We seldom realize that the past is the past and the future can be far greater if we allow it to be.
The mind is the trick.
This is our dilemma.
I agree.

The future is mounting but time is escaping us.
There will not be a sequel and there are no do-overs.
At least, not that I know of.

Life is descending and moving towards our personal twilight.
In other words, time is moving fast and we are losing daylight.

Therefore, I see a great change is in order.
I see this moment as a great time to stand tall and claim our personal and emotional independence.

Freedom.
What a great word this is.

I believe in the spirit of manipulation. I believe in the mathematics that come with codependent agreements. I believe that we often trick ourselves far more than anyone else will trick us.
And I agree with the idea that suggests we will never talk to anyone more than we talk to ourselves.
(So, be kind!)

Nevertheless, i see the unfair math and I see this all too often.
Someone has to breathe out so that someone else can breathe in.
Or better yet, I often believe there are more volunteers than victims.
And this is part of the math too.
Some people count on this.
Believe me, they do.

I believe that we can lose to our ideas of right or wrong, or good and bad.
I believe that we lose to our own battles of internal judgment which is harsh or brutal and unfair. I believe we fail in comparison to others. And we butcher ourselves this way.
Yet, we remain in this mindset, imprisoned until death do us part.

So?
So, what’s it gonna take?
What’s it gonna take to move around the obstacles that hold us back?
What’s it going to see our problems as possibilities?
And next, we can encounter the obstacles ahead and adapt and improve.
Or wait –
What has to happen for us to see failures as opportunities that allow us to overcome and move ahead?

What’s it gonna take to let go?
I wonder . . .
What’s it gonna take to disconnect from our old way of thinking?
And even more, what’s it gonna take for you to stand up for yourself?
(Or me for myself?)

What has to happen?
What has to happen for us to reject the unwanted details of our life?
Could you imagine?

Could you imagine life without the aftermath of regret?
Could you see this?
Or better, could you live this way?
What would something like this look like to you?

Imagine the feeling that comes when you refuse the unwanted surroundings enough that we wake up from this uncomfortable nightmare and realize that our dreams are just ahead . . .
It’s just a choice, right?
It’s just a decision. Isn’t it?
Well, if this is so, then when are we going to decide to take that next step?

Think about the feelings that come the moment we make ourselves the priority.
Or imagine making a decision like this without the irrational concepts or the pain that comes from doubt and overthinking.

Will they miss me?
Will they notice I’m gone?
Will I be too scared to dare and brave the world on my own?
Or wait, is it true?
Am I really codependent?
And if so, then why?

Will I learn that I wasn’t important enough to begin with?
And therefore, me leaving was just as meaningless as my fears say about my existence?

Or, wait . . .
What if none of this was an afterthought?
What if I walked away and none of this happened?
But more, what if all the chains behind me vanished the same as yesterday vanished,?
Therefore, I can imagine the days before now are gone and I can be free to live out the rest of my days without regarding my regrets as often as I do

Imagine the freedom and the bravery and the internal satisfaction we’d achieve if we were able to declare our own personal independence.
Our own 4th of July, so-to-speak.
Imagine this as our own glory and our own life, brand new, and finally lived the way we’ve always wanted and dreamed we should live.

Suddenly, nothing is elderly or old about us.
We are young again, despite the labels of our age or the wrinkles in our skin.

Imagine this:
There are no more connections to old discomforts.
And there are no more ties to our insecure and irrational concerns.
They are all gone.

No more overthinking.
No more connection to the weight that used to hold us back.
What would this feel like?

What’s it gonna take?

No. Wait.
Ask yourself this question:
What does the word freedom mean to you?
What does freedom look like?

How would you handle your freedom if you were able to achieve this?
And, if we plan to be honest, how connected are we to our adversity or to the captors that keep us imprisoned?
And if this is true, and we are connected to the chains of our regrets, then ask yourself this: WHY?

I think about the burdens of Stockholm Syndrome, which is when the abused or the imprisoned, or the so-called victims find themselves sympathetic or attracted and even in love with their captor and oppressor.
I think about the way people justify, rationalize, or excuse the unfair treatment that comes from other people. I think about how we accept the unacceptable language and unfair treatment of those who impose their will.
I think about the long conversations in my head, which is me reliving old arguments or trying so hard to relitigate the past.
And what does this do?
Nothing.
This keeps me sick and angry.

I think about the fears of what happens when the surrounding walls that kept me locked up (and somewhat safe) are removed and then suddenly, the world becomes huge or frightening and unlimited.
I think about the way people become accustomed to their limitations.
Can you relate?
Does any of this make sense?

Am I the only one who screams from behind my caged door?
I shout and wonder things like, “Hey, somebody let me out of here!”
Meanw3hile, I’ve been holding the key to this door for more than 53 years.
Am I the only one who sees that while I am trapped, I am the imprisoned warden. ad does anyone else hold themselves captive this way?

Therefore, I am the one who could either set me free or keep me in solitary.

I think about the unfortunate psychological phenomenon that happens when we become all too comfortable in our unhappiness.
And we do this because, of course, at least we know what to expect.
Right?
We understand the disappointments of our surroundings.
We can understand the mistreatment that we’ve settled for, and while yes, none of this is conducive to a better or brighter life, at  least we understand the reasons why.
We might not like what we see, but we understand the rules of engagement.
Don’t we?
At least we know why we feel imprisoned or caged.
At least we can understand why people speak to us the way they do.
They do this because we allow them to.
But why?

Imagine this.
Imagine freedom without fear.
Imagine disconnecting from our old ideas and the old habits, which became our routine.

Imagine the lighthearted relief that comes when there are no ties to disheartened feelings.
Imagine?
We stood up and walked away without looking back, —but even more, we walked away without thinking about what was said after we left the table.
No thoughts. No regrets.
Not even a goodbye.

Could you imagine?

Imagine life without the hooks in our flesh or the chains that kept us stuck at the bottom of the hill.
I love this idea.
Imagine the removal of the so-called hierarchy of other people.

No one is better or worse.
No one has authority over us.
No one holds the reins anymore.
No, that job belongs to us now.

At last, we are happily in control of what comes next.
Imagine this.
Think hard.
imagine being excited without worrying about what comes next.
No more schedules that tie us to the disappointments of speaking with people who either disregarded us as human or saw us as valid.

Imagine reclaiming our own validity without thinking, without worrying, and without realizing that at one point, we would head back to our old prisons because they were safe.
They were comfortable.
Imagine not being a prisoner to our old life, which was all we thought we could be.

Imagine this . . .

It has been far too long since I felt free.
It has been even longer since I was brave enough to stand on my own or live without the fear of what comes next.

I think about my addiction to people, places, or things and my dependency on things to keep myself, “normal”
I think about the way I settled for less.
I think about the way I accepted trades between me and the people in my past.
I think about the treatment I accepted when deep down. I knew that I deserved better.
I knew I wanted better. I wanted to move on.
But yet, I stayed.

No one has authority over my life.
No one has the right to put me down or make me uncomfortable.
No one has the authority to degrade me or act as if I am subservient or otherwise less important or subordinate, simply because “they” tell me so.

No one has the right to put me down or keep me down.
And this includes me.

There is a big world out there.
But I will never see this if I fail to open the door to my personal prison cell, —and set myself free.

And so?
What’s it gonna take?
When is it our turn?
When will we give ourselves the permission it takes to make this happen?
And if “now” is the answer, then what’s stopping us from making “now” the greatest moment in our lives?

Here’s to life.
Here’s to the great escape?
Here’s to answering our questions and ridding the doubt.
Here’s to understanding what it’s gonna take to get from here to there

immediately