Since it is so
that one became two
and two became four, then of course,
I understand the aftermath
of what takes place
when we decide to walk away.
Everyone has a past, you know?
Everyone has a history
and everyone has a story
that sits behind their secrets
or keeps us quiet
even when we scream.
Somehow the dusty path
has erased your footprints
and resurrected your presence
in my life
and yet,
I understand that the remaining imprints
are still real
and that imprints like this can be reflective
of the past, which I can only hope
for the best
because the past is behind us now.
Enter the metaphors, stage left
Act Three, Scene One
Here comes the lights
the curtains rise
the morning is soft and all is quiet.
Somehow,
The footprints which I see embedded
in the sands on the beach at Point Lookout,
appear as if they scream
with an independent anonymity.
Or maybe this is just something
that occurs to me
and maybe this is only me
Maybe
I understand it this way
The Beach:
This is my place of prayer
This is my sanctuary
The beach is a place which is sacred to me,
and sealed with holy memories
healed with the humbled attitude
that yes;
perhaps all of my
sins can be forgiven and absolved
so long as I have true sorrow
(And I do)
This is where I go to leave my indentations
which are proof that I walked the sands too
to offer my prayer
My Dreams:
These are the extensions
of my heart and the obvious signs
that appear to keep my hope
alive and well.
I see this in the waves that cleanse the shoreline.
I see this with hope that the birds
who fly overhead
can take away my unwanted sentiments
and relieve me
from “the burden of self”.
My dreams –
this is how my faith revives itself
like, say for example
when a randoms shell appeared
like no other, perfectly
as if to be a gift
from the knowing spirits –
Therefore, I refuse to believe that this,
me, or you or anything about us
is accidental.
Since it is so that days add
and weeks accumulate into months
which add into years and then suddenly
decades have go by
well?
Then here I am.
I stand still, wondering
“What the fuck,” in an almost similar regard
to realizing that holy shit!
“I left the iron plugged in this whole time
and thank God!
Nothin went on fire. . . “
I look around with the benefit of hindsight
and too, I have the ability to see
and the wherewithal to wonder
why I was too afraid to stand still
or stay on the straight and narrow.
The path has changed, of course,
or like how a straight line
is the shortest distance between two points,
I see my truth
and I see this all too clearly now.
I took too many crooked turns,
and in turn,
I fell into the indentations of the earth,
and more
I fell deeper into my imagined estimations
that somehow,
I used to all fall, all to often,
and all too frequently
and so,
I always wondered how fate knows to inspire us.
I assume this is done
so neither you nor I
will ever give up again
Since it is so that I am equally capable to fall
then it must be equally true
that I have just as many chances
to stand up and walk again.
Somehow . . .
And somehow, I find my shortcomings
in the mailbox
like the final notices that came
when the bills were due, yet,
my bank account went empty –
I remember this
I remember
no different from my the bankruptcy
in my heart and all which took place
after the aftermath of my wrongdoings
and trusting the wrong people;
I wondered
“How the hell am I ever going to get out of this?”
And so,
if it is true that I am supposed to be where I am
and if this is all
dependent upon destiny’s decision,
then I must repent
and reflect with hopes
that fate will intervene and suggest a resolution
I asked the sun and moon above,
So, you’re saying that I can be cured?
and currently,
I am waiting for an answer
“Have you seen her?”
as often as I close my eyes, I said.
“well, then there’s your answer.”
Ah destiny,
I have seen your work in the past
and I have seen fate pull a few tricks as well,
—or you,
Dear Universe,
you and you wisdom,
Father time, Mother earth,
or how the stars align and somehow,
we overlap and reconnect with someone,
—seriously could you imagine?
how could this be an accident?
Or wait, —yes,
I suppose you can imagine,
since, of course, it is you who has imagined me
same as I imagine you
and in many ways
it was you who called for me
and it was you who created me from the dust
to which one day; I know that I shall return.
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust.
I swear, the inhumanity of our separations
and the pain which lingers can be unthinkable.
But then again, somehow,
—The Universe and all the powers that be,
and all of spirits
they know Full well and understand
the supreme laws and the inherent mathematics
which add people like you and I together
and subtract us from the places
or the people who deserve our absence.
This is not an accident
you.
Me.
Not possible.
I do have hope though, however,
I understand there are tricks to the trade
and yes
our thoughts can be trickier than magic,
whereas, I know that I have hope, albeit tested and fragile like my faith,
(at times)
I do have hope and faith
in the reconnection of two souls,
I believe in those
who have were turned around or those
who were rejected.
I believe in those who were
like dissimilar magnets and pushed the world away –
and I believe in those
who fought and lost too much.
I believe in those
who bartered and struggled; yet,
like the random reintroductions
that seem too impossible
to be happenstance or coincidental,
I swear to you;
reconnections like this
and souls like ours have the ability
to make life seem as if yes,
dreams really do come true.
And so,
if it so
then it is so.
And should it be left up to the powers above,
Dear Universe, or should the ball be in their court,
like with the Loving Mother of all Creation,
The Holy One, Mother Earth, and him too as well,
Father Time, then,
this means that my fate and my destiny
belong to me.
This means that this belongs to you and I
because although I have fallen,
and fallen again,
I have lost ground, time, space, money,
and of course, I have lost blood sweat and tears –
but still, I am here to say
“if it is in the stars, then it is in the stars.”
And thus, I swear
I will have every opportunity to reach you,
wherever you are, unless of course
I fail to try
or I refuse to use the gifts,
which have been bestowed upon me.
This means
I have to look at every moment|
and see this
as an opportunity
the same as I took the opportunity
to pray for you to be “us”
when I left m footprints at the beach.
I don’t know if you know
That I said my prayers quietly
while I was walking with you
and leaving my anonymous footprints
on the sands at Point Lookout.
I told you this place is holy to me . . .
. . .and no one knows why
more than you do.
And I know
there are millions of other footprints in the sands
and yes,
each footprint comes with their own meaning,
their own journey,
and they all have their own wishes,
I am sure.
I also know there are billions of people in this world
and somehow
out of all of them
I see you as my soulmate.
I know the odds of something like this
are hard to come by
But I had to try.
I just had to
I had to put this out there
and so,
I made my wish.
I took the cold from the January winds
and I felt the frost as it blew across my face.
I dared my dream enough
to have this inscribed in the sands
as if to etch my hopes into flesh
above the spine where all the footprints go
(to be heard)
I never know how prayers are answered.
I don’t know if prayers are answered
the same way phone calls are handled
when we call customer service.
And I don’t know if the operators
are the same as our Angels,
answering the calls in the order
they were received.
But still,
I had to call.
I noticed a lot of footprints in the sand
at Point Lookout
and they were all there before mine.
Maybe the line goes quick
ad the wait time won’t be too bad.
Or hopefully, perhaps the prayer hotlines
work faster than say, the representatives
who work for my health insurance provider . . .
because they never have an answer
to anything!
But still,
whether my prayer is answered
or if I am put on hold for the next few decades;
I had to put this out there because one day,
whether I am old and 80,
or if I am diapered or “blind, crippled and crazy,”
—I swear
someday,
I am going to marry you
Please understand
Love is an ever going and always moving factor,
always growing stronger,
and often seeming weaker,
and still,
our love is the only mark
that distinguishes us differently
from the other prayers
and the other footprints in the sand.
I know that today
is not the day for all the changes to happen.
But it’s out there now,
and this dream of mine
is in the hands of a power
far greater than both you and myself
This is what I hope distinguishes me to you
as different from anyone else,
and thus, one day
you will hold me
And if so,
then this would be my best life
Accomplished.
The Written Addiction 